Trying Not to Love You
by genie60
Summary: Demelza is married to Francis; Ross is married to Elizabeth. What happens when Ross and Demelza meet for the first time and sparks fly? How do they handle feelings they didn't go looking for and can't act upon?
1. Chapter 1

Trying Not to Love You-1

Ross slipped out of bed and picked up his breeches from the floor putting them on as quietly as possible. He didn't want to wake his wife who was sleeping fitfully in their bed. Elizabeth's dark hair cascaded on the pillow and her face, relaxed in repose, revealed nothing of what just transpired between them. Walking stealthily to the door, Ross glanced back at her once more and made his way downstairs. He could not sleep even though making love to his wife should have eased the tension that had built up in him over the course of the evening. In all honesty, he felt more wound up than before. Yes, his body found physical release in the arms of his wife, but nothing more. Elizabeth was always a compliant partner in bed, letting Ross have his way with her whenever he wanted. He knew she thought it her duty but didn't feel that she enjoyed either the act, or for that matter, him during these times. She never resisted and on occasion would let out breathy sighs that signaled she might be feeling the love that Ross tried to show her. However, Elizabeth would never totally let her guard down and return the fervor that Ross bestowed on her. She always held something of herself back. Not just in bed but in every aspect of their lives. Ross knew it was due to her upbringing and the social circle she was born into. Yet once she married him, that elevated status dropped because Ross Poldark was not your typical gentleman.

He left the country a few years before to fight in the American war and came back poor, empty of spirit and decidedly changed. The gentrified life his father had planned for him held no appeal so when he returned to find his father dead and his estate practically in ruins he was grateful that the one constant that kept him going those years, Elizabeth was still waiting for him to marry. And marry they did; quickly and before either of them changed their minds. Ross believed he still loved Elizabeth and in some ways he did. She was everything a young squire from an ancient family would want in a wife. Beautiful, educated, well mannered. What Elizabeth lacked was passion. Not just in lovemaking but in life itself. She found her life as mistress of Nampara tiresome and beneath what a woman of her standards should have to endure. For that Ross was sorry but he was sure that love could overcome such obstacles. Perhaps he was wrong. That thought came to the fore front of his mind tonight as he and Elizabeth dined with his cousin Francis and his new wife Demelza in celebration of their recent wedding.

Ross was fascinated by the woman who was now Mistress Poldark of Trenwith and asked Francis how this came to be. As Francis related the story, over port, it was clear it was just a simple tale of two people coming together. Demelza was the daughter of one the workers in Francis' mine, Grambler. Francis had noticed her over the years and lately, as she grew into womanhood, found it hard to ignore her beauty and vitality. She always had a smile on her face and a kind word for whoever she encountered. Ross saw that tonight. Peering into the music room where the women sat he contemplated each of them. His wife was the epitome of patrician elegance, never a hair out of place or a wrinkle in her gown. On the other side of the coin was Demelza, newly seated in society, with hair the color of fall leaves, in hues of red and gold, falling in unkempt curls over an unassuming dress, the color of which brought out the blue green of her eyes. Yet there was something about Demelza that exuded life. When he had kissed her hand upon their meeting he felt a spark; a jolt of electricity if you will that flooded his body. Being around her, even for a few minutes and Ross was smitten.

Walking into the parlor, Ross tried resurrecting the fire that was on its last embers. Crouching in front of the hearth, he poked at the small flames successfully reviving it. Soon the blaze was full and the colors that glowed in the dark reminded Ross of the young woman he sat across from at dinner.

 _She's my cousins' wife and yet,_ he thought, _and I can't shake the image of her from my mind_. It had taken root and ashamedly, stayed there, even while he was in bed with Elizabeth. His hands were caressing his raven haired wife, but his mind saw a fiery red-head. Pouring a snifter of brandy, Ross sat down on the settle, stretched out his legs and gulped the burning liquid down. This was not good, Ross thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Trying Not to Love You-2

At Trenwith, the new Mistress Poldark was busy clearing away the last of the dishes from the library when her husband entered. Demelza turned and gave him one of her winning smiles and returned to the task at hand. Francis moved seamlessly behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. The material of her simple blue dress rustled against his touch as she leaned back slightly into his embrace. Placing a kiss in the spot between her neck and shoulder, Demelza let out a sigh and stopped what she was doing to turn in his arms. Looking at the clear blue eyes of her husband, she saw the adoration he had for her and it warmed her heart. No one had ever cared or treated her the way that Francis Poldark did. Her father was a brusque man and after her mother died, even more distant. When not in the mine he passed the time in the kiddley, spending most of the meager wages on drink. Demelza was left to care for her younger brothers, which at times included taking a beating for them when her father came home drunk. It made for growing up quickly. And yet, for all the hard times, Demelza never lost her spirit or zest for life. She found pleasure in the simplest of things and determined that her life was better than most in her village.

When Francis Poldark started paying attention to her several months ago, at first she was surprised. Surely a man of his stature and name could have no interest in a miner's daughter except perhaps for a quick tumble. It began by Francis helping her when she would visit the mine with saffron buns or other items she baked for the workers. Then he would walk her home on those days her father was still working. Demelza was not so innocent that she didn't know what people were saying about her and her friendship with the mine owner. The gossip increased when Francis started inviting Demelza to Trenwith for tea or just to spend time with himself and his sister, Verity. Verity was a spinster who ran the house for Francis after her own romance ended. A plain but warm hearted girl, she took an immediate liking to Demelza and was grateful for another woman to talk to as was Demelza. Without a mother or sister around, there was much Demelza didn't know when it came to men or marriage. While Verity was not married, she was older and able to provide some guidance in matters such as these. Demelza was worried that when Francis decided to marry her, Verity would be upset or perhaps even jealous that she was coming in to take her place. On the contrary, Verity welcomed her with open arms and they were now fast friends.

Coming back to the present, Demelza saw the light in Francis' eyes and reached up to place a kiss on his lips.

"Leave that," Francis said, his voice thick with desire. Recognizing his meaning, Demelza put the last glass on the tray and let him take her hand leading her up to their bedchamber.

Later, when the last candle went out, Demelza looked over at her husband. His sandy colored and tousled hair with his face totally at rest made him look like a little boy. She reached a hand over and pushed a wayward curl from his forehead and suddenly without courting it the sight of another curly haired man entered her mind. This one with hair the color of ebony and eyes like melted chocolate, flecked with gold and green. Ross Poldark. _Why was she thinking of him now?_ She was lying in bed next to her husband, having just made love and the image of his cousin and best friend invaded her thoughts. _What did that mean?_ _And why? Why would another man come to her mind?_ She loved her husband just as a wife should. He was kind and generous and took care of her. She wanted for nothing and his attentiveness was welcomed and made her feel safe and adored. That should be enough for a good marriage. Shouldn't it?

Yet if she was to be honest with herself, she didn't feel what Verity had described she once felt with her suitor. Verity had described it as a stomach turning, breath taking feeling that one experienced with someone they loved with passion. It was a feeling of longing when the person they loved was not near and a tingling sensation when their hands touched.

Demelza threw back the covers and reached for her nightrail that lay at the foot of the bed. Slipping it on she moved to sit by the fire, her long legs pulled up underneath her. Resting her head on the wing of the chair, she thought back to dinner with Francis' cousin and his wife, Elizabeth. It was the first time they had met and at once Demelza knew that she and Elizabeth were not going to become the best of friends. There was a coldness emanating from the woman that Demelza couldn't seem to understand. However, where Ross was concerned it was a different matter. When he lifted her hand to kiss it in greeting, there was an immediate electric shock that ran straight through her. She had looked up at his face as he pulled away and saw a light in his eyes as well. _Could he have felt it too?_

Demelza closed her eyes and let her mind relax. She expected images of Francis to permeate her thoughts and yet it was his cousin, dark and mysterious who came forth.

 _Lord, what could this mean?_


	3. Chapter 3

Trying Not to Love You- chapter 3

The dawn broke without a cloud in the sky and the sun bright over the fields of Nampara. After a restless night where he spent much of it in the parlor trying to figure out why his cousin's new wife had entered his mind, Ross rose early so he could work outdoors to clear some of the overgrowth that the rains had produced. He thought that physical labor would help flush out these thoughts and allow him to start the day with a clear conscience. Although at this point even though the only guilt he had was in the thinking of Demelza, it still preyed on his mind that this was not how things should be. Nor should he be wishing that those thoughts could turn into action. He was a fiercely loyal man and would not betray anyone with intention. It was that these thoughts and feelings came on without invitation that was disconcerting to Ross.

He left Elizabeth abed while he dressed quietly and made his way to the kitchen for a quick breakfast. Jud was already up and grumbling at having to do any sort of physical labor but nevertheless made his way to the barn to get the scythe and sickle needed. Walking across his estate, Ross looked around and saw how dilapidated and sorry the property was. He had been back for months and married to Elizabeth almost as long and still they had not made any attempt to improve things. The garden, which was once his mother's pride and joy was now nothing more than an overgrown patch of weeds. Yet for some unfathomable reason her lilac tree still survived even without constant tending. Elizabeth was not one to take on the ordinary tasks of life or chores like gardening or cooking so it was left to Ross and his longtime servants, Prudie and Jud to run the house. He knew who Elizabeth was when he married her but he had hoped that once they were living together in his home and she saw what Nampara meant to him, she would pick up the duties of mistress of his house. Unfortunately that had not come to pass. Elizabeth still behaved as though she were in the upper crust of society and not the wife of a poor squire and mine owner who was still trying to put the pieces of his life back together.

All these feelings fueled Ross as he wielded the scythe with a ferocity that made quick work of the grass that needed tending. Each swipe of the metal against grain was one more motion pushing the images of Demelza Poldark out of his mind. After an hour or so, sweat coated his body and his joints ached to the point of distraction. As he bent down to take a drink of cider, that was now warm, he heard the sound of hooves in the distance. Looking up in the direction he thought they came from, he saw a curtain of red hair flying behind the form of a lithe body in green steering a horse on the cliffs. It was the object of his unsolicited affection riding towards his house. _What could she want?_ he wondered. Not knowing if Elizabeth would be up to greet their apparent guest, Ross made a hasty retreat.

"Jud, I'm heading back to the house. Finish up here and I'll see you shortly." Grabbing his shirt, he didn't bother putting it on but strode up the hill to Nampara, anxious to find out why Demelza was making a surprise visit.

As he approached the house he was able to peer into the window of the parlor and saw the back of that glorious head of hair, the color of the copper that he's been chasing, as she sat on the settle while Prudie laid out tea. There was no sign of Elizabeth. He made his way around back to quickly wash up and put on a shirt that he found drying on the line. There was no way he could get upstairs to put on a waistcoat or cravat, so this would have to do.

Ross came into the house, passing Prudie in the kitchen.

"Where's your mistress?" he asked. He brushed the front of his shirt down, trying to lessen the wrinkles and straightened the braces as he pulled himself together. Ross found he was unsettled and nervous at the thought of being alone with Demelza though he couldn't understand why. It's not like he hadn't spoken to women alone before but perhaps it was the feelings that her presence released that had him acting like a schoolboy. Shaking it off, he didn't hear Prudie's answer at first.

"What was that?" he repeated.

"She's still in your bedchamber. I told her Mistress Poldark of Trenwith was here and she said she would be down as soon as she could." Ross could detect the slight tone of disgust in Prudie's voice. He knew that she didn't like Elizabeth; she never had. However, she did her best to hold her tongue and serve her master as she had his father.

"Thank you Prudie. Did you offer our guest some refreshment?" Ross ran fingers through his hair.

"Yessir. There's tea laid out with some scones that Mistress Poldark brought for you and Miss Elizabeth."

Ross stopped at the door when he heard this. Demelza Poldark seemed to hold a surprise at every turn. Finally feeling he was ready to greet his guest, he crossed the hall to the parlor and entered.

He stopped short when she looked up. She was luminous. The light filtering through the window created a halo around her brilliant red hair covered in a green straw hat. Her riding habit, also in shades of green appeared to make her eyes sparkle like the Cornish seas. Walking slowly toward her, Ross found himself taking slow breaths to steady himself.

"Demelza," he said as he approached. "This is a pleasant surprise. What brings you this way? Is Francis alright?"

She smiled broadly and made a motion to rise. Ross indicated her to stay seated as he took her hand in greeting and gave it a light kiss. As he raised his head, their eyes met and again something passed between them. They were still holding hands when the door opened and Elizabeth entered.

"Ross, what's this?"


	4. Chapter 4

Trying Not to Love You-4

Demelza pulled her hand away as she and Ross broke eye contact when Elizabeth entered. Feeling awkward, she sat down and clasped her hands in her lap, her gaze drifting to Ross who moved towards his wife.

"Elizabeth my dear, "he said as brought her further into the room. "Look whose come to pay us a call."

He indicated toward where Demelza sat and waited for Elizabeth to greet her with a curtsy as was customary. She did not. Taking in Demelza, Elizabeth nodded and then took a seat across from her. Ross, temporarily torn over which seat to take, eventually sat next to his wife while his eye gave a sideways glance to his new cousin in law. This was not lost on Elizabeth or for that matter, Demelza. She caught Ross' look not only when he kissed her hand but just now as well. She was slightly disconcerted, but shook it off. She hoped she was mistaken both now and the previous night at dinner at what she could only call his pointed attention. Yet something in her told her the opposite. What she felt she convinced herself was nothing more than nerves at meeting Francis' family. Demelza's intuition did tell her that Elizabeth didn't like her. She was sure it was because her status was beneath that of Elizabeth and the Poldarks. Usually that kind of judgment didn't bother her. To be frank, it didn't bother her now either, because for some reason, she was not concerned that Elizabeth didn't like her. However, she did want Ross to like her which is why she decided to make the ride over and bring the scones.

"I hope I'm not intruding but I baked this morning and had so many I thought I'd bring some over. " Demelza spoke quickly and took a moment to catch her breath. She smiled at Ross and Elizabeth. Ross returned the gesture. Elizabeth did not. She sniffed and then turned to look at the table where Prudie had laid tea and the scones. She was not impressed which Demelza could see. Without realizing it she looked towards Ross for reassurance something Demelza never needed. She was sure of who she was in most instances and was not ashamed of where she came from. Elizabeth made her feel like the miner's daughter she was born to and not the lady she was becoming. Focusing her attention on Ross she spoke softly," I also wanted to say thank you for coming to dinner last night."

Ross' face broke into a huge smile as he listened to Demelza speak. He found her Cornish accent endearing and refreshing to the stilted tones of his class.

"It was nothing, Demelza. Francis is like a brother to me so naturally we'd want to meet and celebrate with you." When he finished, he turned to Elizabeth for confirmation and was faced with a neutral expression. The grin faded quickly and Ross automatically reached for his wife's hand. He had seen this look before; it was Elizabeth's standard when she was displeased or unimpressed. Which, he hated to admit, was appearing more often than not.

Demelza sat watching this exchange between her new cousins and was suddenly grateful for the gentle and kind man she was married to. Francis was not as handsome as some or as adventurous, but he was stable and she believed that he would never do anything to hurt her. She was also sure that Ross had similar traits. She could see that he was trying to get Elizabeth to engage in conversation and relax but his wife was having none of it. Demelza had seen women like her kind before; those who were set in who and how they should marry because of breeding. This is why she was curious as to why Elizabeth married Ross. She must have known he had little to no estate after his father's death and his mine was just starting to work. Yet she married him anyway even though she didn't love him _. Where did that idea come from?_ she thought. Demelza suddenly felt a pang of guilt for judging them so quickly. She had only known them for little more than a day but her instincts were usually right and in this her instincts told her that Ross might feel something for his wife but she surely did not return that same feeling.

Demelza was so deep in thought that she had realized that the conversation had stopped until she heard Ross' muffled voice.

"These are delicious, Demelza."

Looking up, she saw Ross standing by the table with a half eaten scone in his hand, his cheeks full of the rest. Smiling gently, she couldn't help but notice that crumbs had fallen down chest, with some sticking to the dark hair that peeked out from behind his open shirt. She felt her cheeks get warm and shyly bent her head but not before glancing at Elizabeth who had been staring at her during the entire exchange. Feeling that she needed to say something to break the awkwardness she responded.

"It's my mother's recipe. She died when I was young so this is the one of the few things I remember from her.

Elizabeth rose to join Ross at the table and proceeded to pour a cup of tea for herself, delicately adding milk but no sugar. Ross watched her and again waited for her to offer a cup to their guest. She didn't. Instead she moved to sit at the table focusing on the linen cloth. Ross didn't know what to do. He was confused as to Elizabeth's behavior. This was not how he's seen her act with other guests or friends so he wasn't quite sure how to address it so he didn't. Instead he took a cup and poured out some tea and went to hand it to Demelza. She took it and as she did, Ross could see her hand shake. He held the cup a moment longer than needed until she had a steady grip on it. She reached up and grasped the cup with both hands bringing it down to her lap. Ross gave her a slight nod and moved back to the table to join Elizabeth.

Sipping her tea, Demelza now just wanted to leave. Not only because she felt that she had overstayed her welcome but because the tension building between the three new cousins was getting hard to handle. After a few gulps she rose and moved to put the cup back on the table. Ross stood as she did and faced her. Elizabeth also rose, moved to Ross' side and slipping her arm through his, finally spoke.

"I'm sorry you have to leave so soon, Demelza. Perhaps next time we will have time to prepare for a visit so it can be longer." She plastered a smile on her face and tightened her grip on Ross' upper arm. Feeling that pressure, Ross looked down at her hand and then her face. He was perplexed and unnerved at all that had transpired. He was fixed on his wife, trying to determine where her mind was and why she was so detached. He was still mulling this idea when saw Demelza pulling on her gloves and preparing to leave.

"I really must go, "Demelza said. "Francis will be back from the mine soon for dinner and I haven't even started it." Her voice was soft as she spoke to Ross.

"Let me walk you out, Demelza." He pulled away from Elizabeth and stepped aside to lead her out. Elizabeth did curtsy this time only because Demelza did it first. Ross and Demelza walked out of the parlor as Elizabeth sat to finish her tea.

Stepping outside into the sun, Demelza tilted her hat a bit to shade her face from the sun and waited for Jud to bring her horse around. Grabbing the reins, she put her foot in the stirrup and unexpectedly felt Ross take her hand to help her up into the saddle. She settled into position and realized his hand was still in hers. Pulling it out slowly their eyes met again. And again there was a connection made. Demelza smiled and Ross did the same.

"Thank you, Ross. I hope I didn't cause any trouble."

"Not at all. Elizabeth just doesn't like surprises," he said covering for his wife.

"Next time I will make sure I let you know I'm coming. Or perhaps you and Elizabeth can come to Trenwith for tea one day."

"That would be nice. Once I get things settled here."

"Of course. Well, thank you again. Good bye Ross."

"Good bye Demelza. Safe home."

This time the smile she gave him was wicked as she spurred her horse and took off at a speed most ladies wouldn't ride.

Watching her ride off, Ross was again fascinated by his new cousin. He stood a moment as her silhouette disappeared before turning and entering the house. As he did so, he saw Elizabeth in the window, watching him. Suddenly a sinking feeling hit his stomach and he wanted to avoid the confrontation he knew was coming. Not able to, he walked back into this house and to his wife, ready to face whatever was on her mind.


	5. Chapter 5

Trying Not to Love You-5

Ross re-entered the house to join Elizabeth in the parlor. As he stepped into the room, he tried to formulate how to discuss with her what had just happened and saw that she moved from the table to her chair near the fireplace, tea cup still in hand.

"Elizabeth. What just happened? How could you treat Demelza like that?" Ross came to stand in front of her, hands on his hips.

"I don't know what you mean, Ross," she said sweetly. "I thought I behaved as your wife should."

"Not quite. You barely said a word to Demelza and made her feel very unwelcome. I've seen you treat George Warleggan better than this woman who is now our relative." His voice was rising in pitch and he took a step back from her waiting for her to respond.

"True, Demelza is now a relative but she still should have not come unannounced. It's just not proper. But then what do you expect from a miner's bra—I mean, daughter." Elizabeth stopped herself before saying what was originally on her tongue but Ross caught it anyway.

Ross was dumbfounded and the anger he felt intensifying from nowhere was slowly becoming uncontrollable. He sat down on the settle and took a moment to gather his thoughts.

"Elizabeth, where is this animosity coming from? You, Francis and I have been friends since childhood. I would think you would be happy he's found someone like Demelza to love."

His tone was sincere and that set Elizabeth off even more. Seeing and hearing her husband's genuine concern for this newcomer to their circle was uneasy and it set her hackles on edge. She kept her composure as she rose to put her teacup on the table. She turned to look at him and spoke deliberately.

"Ross, I'm a little perplexed as to why you are so taken with Francis's wife. She's nothing more than a villager who, for some unknown reason, Francis took to marry. Why? I don't know". Elizabeth walked around the room, touching various items here and there, putting them right even if they didn't need correcting. Whether it was nervous energy or a legitimate need, Ross didn't know. He watched this ritual and was beginning to see a different Elizabeth; someone who resembled more of the society women he had come to loathe rather than the young woman who had a piece of his heart for years. His eyes followed her as she continued to speak, coming to stand at the spinet that was never played.

"Perhaps this new mistress of Trenwith provided something more to Francis besides baked goods to persuade him to offer marriage." Her tone was cool, detached even a bit cruel. Ross thought he detected jealousy or envy there but of what? Of Demelza? Of her marriage to Francis? Frustration overflowed as he stood and confronted her.

"Good God, Elizabeth! How can you say that?" She didn't answer right away so he tested his theory. "Are you jealous?"

"Of her? Don't be foolish, "she snorted. "She's a child who happens to have gotten lucky. Believe me there is nothing Demelza has that I would be envious of."

"Francis genuinely loves her," Ross flew at her. "And she loves him. Shouldn't we be happy for them?"

"If you say so Ross," she responded.

"You don't believe they love each other?"

"Oh I believe Francis thinks he loves her. He's always been soft about women. For a time while you were away he even….." she didn't finish that sentence but turned her back to him as she fingered the keys of the instrument. Ross' attention was piqued as there was obviously something she wanted to say and seemed to want him to know.

"What Elizabeth? What were you about to say?" He walked to where she stood and putting his hands on her shoulders, turned her around to face him. "Well?"

Elizabeth looked him directly in the eye and said, "Francis and I were getting close while you were away. We spent a great deal of time together and at one point I thought that perhaps he wanted to…" She paused again.

"Yes?" Ross was getting impatient. He could see where this was going but wanted to hear it from her.

"I thought that he wanted to marry me. Then we got the news that you were wounded but alive and on your way home."

Ross was speechless for a moment. He let go of her and took a step back.

"Are you saying that if I didn't return you would have married Francis?"

Elizabeth hesitated. And that hesitation was Ross' answer.

"But you did return and we kept our promise to each other," she continued, trying to sound convincing. She put her hands on his chest, gently caressing the muscles through his linen shirt and giving him the ladylike smile that had drawn him in all those years ago. He wanted to let it warm him as it did before but something was holding him back. Elizabeth felt him stiffen and tried again to get him to forget the exchange. And the visit of Demelza Poldark.

"Ross, my dear. Let's not worry ourselves about Francis and his wife." She reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Ross accepted it and in fact wanted more. He reached out to her, trying to bring her in for a full meeting of their mouths but Elizabeth turned her head. He tried again and she reluctantly offered her lips to his. After giving her gentle, yet passionate kiss he held her close.

"Let's go back upstairs. I could use a lie down, "Ross said, his smile clearly indicating he didn't want to sleep.

"Ross! What will Prudie or Jud say? It's just not proper in the daytime. Besides, I think we should be careful. I don't want us to have any surprises."

"Surprises? What are you talking about?" Ross searched her face and Elizabeth just raised an eyebrow and a tilt of her head, hoping he'd get her meaning. And he did.

"Are you saying you are afraid you will get with child?" She didn't answer. He persisted.

"Elizabeth? Do you not want to have children? My children?" His voice revealed not only shock but hurt. Children were the natural result of marriage and he had hoped that he and Elizabeth would have many.

"Ross, you have to admit we are not in the position to bring a child into the world. At least not right away. We've only been married a few months and you are still trying to get your estate back in order. Now is not the time to add another burden to our lives."

He had no response to that. On one hand she was right. They were less than stable financially and as far as their marriage was concerned it was still finding its ground. On top of that, Elizabeth was not taking to being mistress of Nampara as quickly as he thought she would. He assumed that their love and being married would make it easy. Yet she wasn't really trying and he was at a loss as to how to get her to adapt. And now this. He had thought that children would help to solidify their union but perhaps, since there was a breech in the fundamentals of their relationship that would not be a good idea.

"Elizabeth, children usually come naturally when husbands and wives share a bed. We might not be able to prevent it."

Her demeanor changed and Ross saw her face brighten as well. What was she about?

"Actually, I was thinking that to make sure that didn't happen perhaps you could take to sleeping in another room." Ross was speechless.

"What?! You want us to have separate bedrooms?"

"For now". She saw he was upset and she needed to diffuse that before he asked more questions. Sidling up to him, she rubbed his temple and traced the scar down his cheek, speaking to him in her softest, sweetest voice. "Ross you know if we're in the same bed I won't be able to resist you. Let's say this is best for my self control, all right?"

Taking a moment to digest what she said, he had to agree that being separate avoided all potential of an unwanted child. On the other hand, he didn't believe for a moment that she found him irresistible. That was clear the previous night. He wasn't sure of the entire honesty of her proposal but took it. If there was this much tension between them, a child would not help.

"You're right of course, my dear. I'll move my things into the room down the hall. Will that satisfy you?"

She broke into a brilliant but coarse smile that was not lost on Ross. "Yes, Ross. You're too good to me."

"Shouldn't a husband be considerate of his wife?" Ross offered.

"Lovely. Well, all this talk and company has taken a toll on me and I'm suddenly weary. I'm going to lie down for awhile." She gave him another peck before sweeping out of the room.

Ross watched her depart and sat tiredly in the chair, his gaze moving to the fire, reminding him of something, actually someone else. The vision of his new cousin in law riding off came unbidden to his mind and he found that the thought of not sleeping with his wife was no longer as disconcerting as before.

What was going on with him? He was not one to have these types of impulsive feelings for someone mainly because he was wary to trust people so quickly. Yet Demelza Poldark had managed to shake his foundation and long held beliefs as she started to take root in his mind. For the first time, Ross didn't have control on a situation and he was lost.


	6. Chapter 6

Trying Not to Love You-6-

"Garrick!" Demelza called against the wind trying to get her dog's attention. She had decided to take a walk on the beach even though the sky was overcast and it looked like it was going to rain at any moment. She needed to clear her head and shake the melancholy that she had been feeling for the past few weeks. Ever since her visit to see Ross, Demelza had a sense that something was missing from her life. More pointedly from her marriage with Francis. They had been together going on six months and up until that day at Nampara, Demelza thought her life was exactly what she wanted and needed. She was living in beautiful home, the wife of a country squire with everything she could wish for. Francis was kind and attentive; a husband who doted on her and who many women would be envious to have. That is when he was home. Lately that was becoming an infrequent occurrence. Francis claimed the mine kept him busy at all hours but Demelza was beginning to wonder if it wasn't something else. When he was home, their time together was less personal than it was in the beginning. That's not to say they didn't talk or share things as couples should but it was bordering more on friendship than marital love. It became most noticeable to Demelza during the times that they were intimate as there was a shift in the general feeling and moods of those times. Many a night she woke up to find Francis not beside her and when they did share a bed the act of making love had turned from desired to mechanical. She couldn't figure out why. She didn't think she had changed but perhaps she had. Or maybe she had come to see that something more earthy and fervent was lacking in her relationship.

Coming to a cove that was set back and hidden, Demelza sat down on one of the larger rocks, watching Garrick as he played at the shore. Pulling her knees up, she tucked her feet under her skirt, wrapped her arms around her legs and contemplated married life. Francis was gentle and cherishing when they were together but Demelza began to think that making love should be something more intense. In her two brief encounters with Ross, she felt something akin to a lightning bolt run through her body from just the mere touch of his hand that she never experienced with Francis. She also began to wonder why thoughts of Ross kept running through her mind as well. He seemed to invade her psyche at the most inopportune times; the last one being when she was in bed with Francis. It was that night, when Ross' face with his dark eyes and curled hair replaced that of her husband that Demelza felt a passion coursing through her body that she'd never experienced before. The memory of it now heated her skin even in the damp ocean air that made her shiver.

What is happening to her? Demelza was not a frivolous person given to acting on a whim. She took marriage and its commitment seriously and had never thought of betraying her husband. That's why the concept that, while making love with her husband she thought of someone else, and his cousin at that, upset her no end. She would have to put it down to an unfortunate coincidence and not that she wanted to be with Ross. That was insane. He was married, just as she was. Although after that brief call, she could see that something was amiss between Ross and Elizabeth. She just didn't know what.

If that wasn't troublesome enough, Demelza was also worried that after all these months she still was not with child. She knew Francis wanted an heir and she was more than ready to become a mother. Yet nothing seemed to come to fruition. Demelza began to wonder if there was something wrong with her and that was why Francis was pulling away just a bit.

Without her realizing it, tears began to form. They pooled in her eyes, slowly dropping onto her skirt but she made no move to stop them. Demelza let them come, acting as a cathartic flush to the built up ache in her body and soul. She sat quietly sobbing, her eyes downcast, lost in her thoughts forgetting even about Garrick, until she heard a voice that sounded vaguely familiar.

"Boy, come to!" she heard in a deep baritone but made no move to see who it was. Instead she felt a knot in her stomach and a chill down her back because she believed she knew who it was. Keeping still in the hopes that she would not be discovered she was surprised when she looked up and saw his silhouette in the dim sunlight.

"Demelza? Is that you?" Ross walked towards her slowly. He seemed to sense that she was distracted by something. Garrick ran directly to his mistress and promptly put his head next to her on the rock. She scratched behind his ears and gradually lifted her head so that she met his gaze. She didn't make any attempt to straighten her appearance or hide the fact that she had been crying. For some inexplicable reason, she didn't feel she had to hide or mask her feelings.

"Ross," she said in a voice that was small and meek. "What are you doing here?" She tried to sound lighthearted but after looking into his eyes for just a moment, let the tears fall again.

"Demelza, what's wrong?" he cried, moving swiftly to her side and taking a space next to her. Without prompting she flung herself into his arms and let the sobs come in full force. Ross wasn't sure how to handle this as he wasn't that experienced in dealing with distressed women. Not even his wife. He did what came instinctually and wrapped his arms around her, gently rubbing her shoulders as she let out her emotions. Without thinking, he placed a kiss to the top of her head in the hopes that it would soothe her. Instead it ignited another wave of want for this young woman who came into this family and after just a few encounters, breathed some desperately needed life into their world. And if truth be told, Ross' world was the one most affected by it. Without realizing it his grip tightened around her as her arms reached around his waist and held on for dear life. After a while, her cries subsided and she grasped the edge of her skirt to pull up and wipe her eyes and nose. She took a few deep breaths and moved her head away from his body to look up at his face. Ross saw her normally brilliant blue eyes, tinged in red and yet, they still sparkled. Her cream colored skin was flushed, adding to the glow of her face. The flame colored hair was curling in unruly tendrils around her face and down her back. Without thinking Ross moved his hand from her shoulder to her back, caressing her gently while fingering her unruly tresses. Demelza had calmed down from her crying and was now feeling something akin to excitement. The touch of Ross' hand on her body lit that same charge she felt weeks ago when he helped her up into her saddle. Except this time there was no one around and no rush to be somewhere.

Her eyes peered at his, unblinking, and silently sending a message that Ross immediately understood. Without hesitation, he bent his head down and kissed her. Tentatively at first, just brushing his lips over hers, tasting her. He pulled back and searched her eyes for any kind of resistance. There was none and in an instant Demelza moved toward him again, this time taking his lower lip in hers and bit gently, soothing it with another kiss. That was all that was needed. Ross' mouth was on hers, his tongue begging for entrance that Demelza happily gave. They kissed until they were breathless and shaking, their hands never leaving their positions on the others body. Finally after what seemed like hours but in fact was only a few minutes, they separated. As if brought out of a trance, Demelza realized what she had just done and jumped out of Ross' arms and off the rock. Brushing her skirts and wiping her face, she stood a moment, trying to formulate something to say to this man with whom she had just shared more in a few minutes than she had in all the months with her husband.

"Ross, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I was upset and I suppose I just….Either way I apologize for my behavior." She tried to sound remorseful and failed miserably.

"Demelza, please don't apologize. I should never have started…." He couldn't finish. In all honesty he wasn't sorry about what happened and he suspected she wasn't either.

"Please don't. And let us not talk about this again. Nor let it happen again either. I love Francis. I never wish to betray him." Motioning to Garrick she turned and left Ross where he sat without another word.

He sat still for a few moments when he remembered he never found out why she was so upset. He rose and walked to the edge of the cove to see her retreating quickly down the shore.

Ross heard what she said about not speaking about or letting it happen again but he was not sure he could keep to that promise. He was undeniably attracted to his cousin's wife. And he felt it was reciprocated. But situations being what they were, there was nothing to be done about it.

Or was there?


	7. Chapter 7

Trying Not to Love You-7

His encounter with Demelza stayed with Ross for the rest of the day and started him thinking about Elizabeth and the state of their marriage. Ever since he agreed to separate bedrooms as a method of preventing pregnancy, he had plenty of time to replay his entire relationship with Elizabeth going back to before he left for America. If he were honest with himself, even from the very start, she always seemed to be holding back and not giving him all of herself. He knew that as the only child of an established family of the county, she was expected to marry well not only because of who she was but because her family depended on it. For while the Chynoweth's were in the upper echelon of Cornwall society, their fortunes had diminished and Elizabeth marrying someone with wealth would help that situation tremendously. Ross knew that his ancient family had the breeding but they hadn't had the bounty for years. By the time he left, his father's estate was lessening. With only one mine, Wheal Leisure, barely working and his lands yielding less and less, he knew he would not be inheriting much. He had hoped that his father would work to better their finances while he was away so that when he came back he would be able to marry Elizabeth and offer her the kind of life he knew she expected.

Instead he returned to a life far worse than what he saw in America. The depth of poverty in Cornwall that had affected not just himself but all his friends and tenants, brought a harsh reality to Ross. And while he wanted to be with Elizabeth and a future with her, he also felt an obligation to these people who had been a part of his life since birth. Ross was sure that his devotion to the villagers was part of the reason his wife stayed just a hair's breath away from him. As if getting to close to her husband would mean getting close to the lower class. That was the biggest difference between Ross and Elizabeth; their sense of propriety and status in life.

Now as he lay alone in the small bedroom that had once been his, Ross wondered why Elizabeth agreed to keep her promise to marry him. He really had nothing to offer her except his name. He had hoped it was because she loved him as he loved her. His other thought was that as she was a well bred young woman, she would never go back on a promise and so went through with the marriage hoping that fate and fortunes would change. That is what Ross had worked towards and he wanted to make that happen with a wife by his side. He was certain Elizabeth was that wife. Or he thought she was, until he met the other Mrs. Poldark. He saw in Demelza the enthusiasm for life he thought Elizabeth had. It was that ideal of Elizabeth which kept him going while he fought in the war. But when Ross looked at his wife now he saw discontent, sometimes disgust and even sadness. He could understand the first two. Living in a run-down estate where they had to fend for themselves instead of having servants wait on them would make anyone discontented, even disgusted. That is something he could try and change. It's the sadness that he didn't know the source of or how to combat. Was she sad because of the material things she had to do without? Or was she sad because she was married to him?

Ross sat up, determined to get to the bottom of this. He couldn't live his life or have Elizabeth live her life in this kind of melancholy filled limbo. He also couldn't let whatever was in his head about Demelza overshadow his marriage. No matter that it wasn't perfect, he was committed to Elizabeth and he loved her. And it was that last thought that had Ross second guessing everything. _He did love her, didn't he_? Of course he did. He'd loved since the first day he'd laid eyes on her. He was certain there was no one else for him. And it was that memory-no reality he corrected-that motivated him to go find his wife and talk to her. As for that incident that happened between himself and Demelza on the beach, he put it down to a reaction to his cousin in laws state of upset and a reflex action on his part to being lonely. That ended now.

Rising from his bed, Ross strode across the hall to the master bedroom to find Elizabeth. Stopping in front of the door, he gently knocked. Not hearing anything from the other side, he lifted the latch and pushed the door in. Looking inside he saw the room was empty. There was no sign of Elizabeth. He was confused because he couldn't figure out where she could have gone to. Elizabeth rarely walked around the grounds and most certainly wouldn't wander over to the villages or the tenants. Bounding downstairs, Ross called out.

"Prudie!" He entered the kitchen hoping to find her there. Not a soul was around. Going out into the yard he found Prudie actually hanging wash on the line. A rare sight indeed.

"Prudie, where is your mistress?"

"Don't know sir. She left awhile ago on her horse. She didn't say where she was going."

Ross looked out at his fields hoping to catch a glimpse of her but saw nothing but green, and sky and sea; the last reminding him once again of his meeting with a feisty redhead. He slowly walked back into the house, headed for his library and started work on reviewing the plans for Leisure. He needed to channel his energy into something he hoped would change his fortunes and not the young woman who happened to be his cousin's wife.

At the other Poldark household Trenwith, Demelza was in the kitchen helping Mrs. Tabb and Verity prepare supper for Francis. When she had returned from the beach, she was told he had been at the mine all morning. Secretly she was glad that he wasn't home because she wasn't sure she could face him so soon after her encounter with his cousin. Demelza's run in with Ross, when she so upset and the way it ended had left her shaky and in need to be home in familiar surroundings and get settled. It was not that what happened with Ross unpleasant; it because it was quite the opposite. The closeness and kiss they shared left Demelza feeling something unexpected but not unwelcome. And that was something Demelza did not want to covet. She loved Francis, she was his wife and she would not betray that either in action or thought. It would not happen again.

Demelza's mind had drifted to what set her off on her own this morning in the first place. She had been hoping that she was with child when she had not gotten her monthly cycle over the past two weeks. She was always a regular as the moon so she was sure this time meant that what she had hoped for was finally coming true. Alas, when she woke this morning with the familiar pain and discharge, her heart sank. So sure was she that a child was coming that she had rehearsed in her head what she would say to Francis over breakfast. Instead she dressed quickly and left the house before he rose, anxious to let out her disappointment away from him.

Demelza began to wonder if there was something wrong with her that prevented her from having children. She knew that of late, she and Francis had not shared a bed as frequently as they had in the those early weeks of marriage but she put that down to his work and her tiredness from working on making Trenwith a home he would be proud of. It never occurred to her that the problem might lie with her husband. It had to be her fault and if it was, what's to say that Francis wouldn't turn her out for not being able to provide him with an heir. These were all the thoughts and feelings that Demelza was trying to sort when she went for her walk on the beach and when Ross found her. Her distress was so deep that she could not even explain to him what she was worried about. _He must think me an idiot_ , she thought now as she rolled out the pastry for the pie she was making.

"Demelza?" Verity called to her. She didn't answer until she felt a hand pull the rolling pin out of her grip. Looking up she saw Verity staring back at her.

"What?" Demelza said as casually as possible.

"Are you alright my dear? You seem a little out of sorts," Verity said, the concern in her voice clear.

"Yes of course. Just a little distracted. It's been a long day." Demelza took the wooden pin back from her and finished what she was doing. She then molded it to the tin and filled it with the savory mix of rabbit and potatoes. Putting the top piece of dough on she brushed it with egg wash and set it in the oven next to the fire to bake.

"Verity, if you and Mrs. Tabb don't mind, I think I'm going to lie down for awhile. The walk this morning and….other things….have left me beyond tired." She brushed the flour from her hands and removed the apron she was wearing. Verity exchanged a glance with the housekeeper before responding.

"Demelza, you are mistress of Trenwith. You don't have to ask permission to do anything, " Verity reminded her with a warm smile. Demelza returned the gesture and went to give Francis' sister a hug.

"You're too kind to me Verity. I'm sorry for being a bother."

"Demelza, you are far from a bother. You have brought a light to Francis' eyes that had never been there before. And I'm grateful for that." Demelza felt her cheeks warm and her eyes become moist. This young woman was most likely destined to a life of spinsterhood and yet showed no resentment or bitterness. Only kindness and love.

"Thank you Verity." Demelza gave her an understanding look and turned to leave, with Garrick on her heels.

Walking through the darkened hallways she made her way up to her bedroom. Entering, she sat on the chest at the foot of the large four poster and pulled off her shoes and stockings, rubbing her feet on the Turkey rug while Garrick took up residence next to the fire. The motion reminded her of the sand which grated against her toes that morning. Undoing her skirt and bodice, she loosened her corset and lay down in her shift and petticoat. She closed her eyes and was immediately greeted by the face of Francis' dark haired cousin.

"Ross," she whispered as she slipped into a peaceful sleep, the worries of the day forgotten and replaced by the memory of a gentle hand and warm kiss.


	8. Chapter 8

Trying Not to Love You-8—

Ross spent the next month working on getting Wheal Leisure up and running. With the sweat and labor put forth by himself and his longtime friends and some luck in financing, he was able to re-open it. This allowed for many of those who had lost their pitches at other mines to find work, even at meager wages. At the reopening celebration, Ross was anxious to show off Elizabeth and to show Elizabeth what he'd been doing to better their lives. Since that day when he couldn't find her to talk about their marriage, Ross had done all he could to make Elizabeth's life as comfortable as possible. He got Prudie and Jud to step up and be more like the household servants they had been while his father was alive. That seemed to please Elizabeth as she was able to act as true mistress of Nampara and order them about as was typical of the position. It also seemed to ease the tension between himself and his wife as they resumed martial relations to some degree. Ross still slept in his own room the majority of the time but on certain nights, Elizabeth invited him into their bed and he gladly showed her what he felt for her. At those times, Ross almost thought he saw the warm Elizabeth he had fallen in love with in their youth. Occasionally he resented that their marital relations were dictated by a schedule when he wished there was more spontaneity and impulsiveness in this part of their lives. Elizabeth liked order and structure. It was a key difference in their personalities but he was willing to let that go to keep peace and make his marriage work. Which is why he never pushed to find out where she went that day but since then her forays out riding alone were few and far between. Still he was grateful that they seemed to be on steadier path and that made life at Nampara a little more joyful.

Now standing on the hill, looking out over his workers, their families and friends, Ross had a sense of pride and accomplishment. It seemed as though all the parts of his life were coming together after over a year of being home. He only hoped it stayed this way and that nothing unforeseen would occur to upset this calm. It was a good feeling to have a sense of control over one's destiny, something that Ross felt was lacking until now. Jinny had brought around trays of rum for all and Ross prepared to make a toast. He motioned for Elizabeth to join him by his side and she did so, albeit a bit reluctantly. She declined a drink but stood regally by her husband's side and smiled graciously at all. As Ross raised his mug, his eyes caught a glimpse of familiar red hair standing next to his cousin and for a moment his chest tightened. He had not consciously thought of Demelza at all over the past months, yet seeing her now brought a flurry of images and feelings that he did not want to face, his body tensing slightly. Ross turned his head to spy his wife, who was oblivious to the change in her husband's demeanor.

"My friends, when I returned from America I had no intention of picking up where my father left off by resurrecting his mine or mining business. But seeing the dire straits our villages were in, I could not turn my back on what was needed. So, with hard work we shall make Wheal Leisure a force to be reckoned with in Cornwall. To Wheal Leisure!"

The crowd responded, "To Wheal Leisure!" The miners and their families started milling about, chatting amongst themselves and walking around the rebuilt structure. Ross walked down and headed towards Francis and Demelza, knowing he couldn't ignore them any longer. As he approached he saw no awkwardness between his cousins and that put him at ease. Perhaps, whatever had been bothering Demelza that day had been settled? She certainly looked content as she clasped Francis' arm and strode up the hill, lifting her skirt as she proceeded. For some reason that annoyed Ross and he wasn't quite sure why. Perhaps he thought she would show some of the tension he had felt in the early days after their meeting and it would have stayed with her. Instead she was radiant in her happiness. Or so it seemed. Ross met them half way and stretched out his hand to greet Francis.

"Cousin, so good of you to come," Ross said. "It's an unexpected pleasure." He said this last statement directly to Demelza. She smiled softly and turned her eyes down, clinging just a little tighter to Francis. Elizabeth had joined them by this time and curtsied in greeting as Demelza returned the gesture. Ross watched the exchange with interest. He saw no change in Demelza from the woman he met on the beach in what seemed like a lifetime ago. If anything she seemed more confident and poised as she stood next to his cousin, her husband. And that reminder, that she was his dear cousin's wife, brought Ross back to reality. He loved Francis as a brother and would never do anything to break that bond.

"Ross, you know we couldn't stay away from wishing you well on this venture. I hope it lives up to all your expectations," Francis offered. He patted him on the back and moved to greet Elizabeth. Taking her hand, he bent to kiss it and Elizabeth stood still while he did so. Ross and Demelza watched and realized that they should most likely do the same. Taking a step forward, Ross took the hand that Demelza offered and placed a light kiss to her knuckle. Surprisingly, there were none of the previous electrical charges Ross felt before which brought feelings of disappointment but also relief. What he did feel was warmth. The warmth of one cousin towards another as it should be.

"I'm that glad for you Ross. What you're doing for the miners and their families is wonderful. "Demelza's voice was full of the rich Cornish tones he hadn't realized he missed hearing until she spoke. He gazed are her brilliant blue eyes and saw the same light in them that caught his attention all those months ago.

"Thank you. I hope that I've not taken on something I can't deliver. So many people are counting on me," Ross said, almost introspectively

"Ross, you cannot think that way. I believe you will make this a success. You should believe too." Ross looked up at Demelza and saw the genuine care and concern in her face.

"Thank you Demelza. I needed to hear that."

She looked at him quizzically thinking that Elizabeth surely would support him in this venture. That's what wives do.

"Ross," she started. "Surely Elizabeth supports your decision to open this again, doesn't she?"

"She supports the idea of the money that we could make." Ross said that before he could catch the bitterness in his tone. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"That's alright. Elizabeth is a lady born and is used to a certain way of life. I would expect it would take some adjusting for her."

"To say the least "Ross offered, his eyes cast downward. Looking to change the subject, Ross smiled and looked directly at Demelza.

"And you? How are you managing at Trenwith? I was worried about you after you left that day on the beach," he said his voice drifting off as he realized what he was saying.

Demelza's cheeks reddened in the memory of that day. She had done her best to put it behind her especially what had transpired between herself and her husband's cousin.

"I'm fine, Ross. I really should apologize for that day. I was overwrought and a bit overwhelmed with everything. Just as Elizabeth needs to get accustomed to her new life so I must do the same. Being a gentleman's wife can be demanding."

Ross watched as she spoke and found himself falling back under the spell of this Cornish flower. She was so genuine and honest it was like a fresh breeze came off the sea and baptized him in it.

"Francis seems beyond content, Demelza. So you must be doing something right to bring such a smile to his face," Ross said.

Again, the cheeks turned rosy, a sign of the embarrassment she felt at the compliment.

"I suppose so. There was a time when I thought…" she didn't finish the thought. "Nevermind. Anyhow, I should go and find Francis. We should be getting back. But you and Elizabeth must come to visit us soon, Ross."

He took her arm and helped her down the hill, the closeness he felt before for this woman returning but not with the intensity of a physical need; this time he was feeling an emotional connection and to some, that is more of a betrayal than lying with someone.

Walking to the bottom of the hill, Ross and Demelza caught a glimpse of Francis and Elizabeth, both laughing and seemingly enjoying the other's company. Stopping just short of reaching them, both Ross and Demelza watched the interaction of their spouses and were surprised at how easy they seemed to be chatting. Briefly exchanging a look they called to their mates.

"Francis! Are you ready? We should be getting back. Verity and Aunt Agatha will wonder where we've disappeared to." She met her husband half way and took the arm he offered. Francis was relaxed and most animated. More so than usual, this made Demelza feel that something was not quite right.

"Of course my dear." Francis led the way back up the path, holding Demelza close to his side. Ross and Elizabeth watched them disappear on the horizon and once out of view, turned toward each other but for some reason could not bring themselves to clasp on to each other as their cousins had done. There was none of the natural warmth that seemed apparent between Francis and Demelza. Instead, each started for home separately, lost in their thoughts. Ross could not tell where Elizabeth's mind was set but Ross knew that he felt a pang of envy towards his cousin. For Francis seemed to have found his perfect match. And that was something Ross longed for more than anything.


	9. Chapter 9

Trying Not to Love You-9

In the weeks that followed the opening of the mine, Demelza and Francis seemed to be experiencing gaps in their formerly idyllic life and the amount of time they spent together. There would be days which would see Francis home with his devoted wife sharing in the chores of the estate, making plans to better it and discussing their future. Nights used to find them together sharing a warm and loving bed and Demelza hoping against hope that one of their times together would result in a child. More than anything she wished for this. For the most part she was content with the life she had but still felt that something was missing. She loved her husband and was grateful for all he had done for her so a part of her wanted to give him a child to continue his legacy and carry on the name of Poldark. Demelza desperately wanted this for herself and she had believed Francis did as well.

All these thoughts filtered through her mind as Demelza walked the beach, dragging a branch behind her, making designs in the sand. She occasionally bent to pick up a shell or stopped to let the water lap at her feet. It gave her a sense of calm as the sea's rhythm, the ebb and flow, provided a sort of symmetry that countered her everyday life. Demelza knew that every day the ocean tide would rise and fall, covering the shore and erasing the imprints of the day before whether good or bad. There were times she wished she could do the same thing in her life when something troublesome occurred. The past few days were some of those. She and Francis had quarreled over simple things that in the past they would not even have discussed. Demelza began to feel tension in her husband that he was reluctant to share and her suspicions grew. She knew that other men in his position often took a mistress when they tired of their wives. This is why Demelza did all she could to make sure Francis was happy at home, in all ways, but still she felt he was distancing himself from her.

Without realizing how far she had traveled, Demelza found she was at the same spot where she and Ross had their unexpected but not unwelcome encounter. She didn't dwell on that thought and was surprised it even entered her head seeing as though she hadn't thought of it or Ross for quite a while. She made her way to a large boulder, sat down and watched the waves from her shelter. She leaned back and closed her eyes, the slight bit of sunlight washing over and warming her. Demelza hadn't realized she was cold until the sun hitting her skin gave her gooseflesh and she shivered. Taking deep breaths she felt the stress of the past days slip away as she fell into a light sleep. She could still hear the waves crashing but her mind was totally relaxed. Suddenly, a shadow fell across her face. She brought her hand up to shield her eyes and saw the form of the last person she expected or wanted to see. His dark hair contrasted against his billowing white shirt and she had to admit it was a comforting sight.

"Ross?" Demelza struggled to sit up when a strong pair of hands reached for her and helped her to a sitting position.

"Demelza," he said. "I didn't expect to find you here again. How are you?" His voice was smooth and comforting. There was something about the timbre of it that vibrated beneath her skin and comforted her. She noticed he kept a few steps back from where she was positioned as if he wanted to make sure there was a proper amount of space between them. Demelza didn't look up at him but rather turned her eyes to gaze at the ocean.

"I come here when I need to be alone," she explained keeping her head down and averting her eyes. She tried to keep the emotion out of her voice as she didn't want Ross to ask too many questions.

"Alone? I would think Trenwith was big enough to find a cache to hide in." Ross tried to make a joke of the comment but it fell short. He made no move to get closer to her because he didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

Demelza couldn't help but grin at this and lifted her face to look at him. She saw he was smiling fully as well and relaxed. The friendship she felt for Francis' cousin came back, not in an awkward way but in a way that she needed. She needed a friend who understood this Poldark life and perhaps Ross could be that person. Of course she had Verity at home, but she was an unmarried woman who wouldn't understand the mind of a gentleman, not even her brother.

"Yes, I have discovered several secret passages and rooms in Trenwith, but the beach is where I feel most at ease. Almost like going to church," she said quietly. She watched as Ross shifted from one foot to the other and moving aside, made room for him on the rock. Ross took her hint and sat down next to her. There was silence as both Ross and Demelza recalled their last encounter on the beach. It was as if they knew what the other was thinking turning to each other at the same time and Demelza revealed a warm smile. The silence continued when Demelza blurted out, "What is it with men that they never seem to be satisfied?"

She looked him straight in the eye and her voice was strong and unapologetic.

"I beg your pardon?" Ross was perplexed, so he kept his gaze on Demelza waiting for her to explain.

"Men. Husbands. You all act as if the world is your enemy when the slightest thing goes wrong. And then instead of talking about it, you give others the cold shoulder and sour glances that make us feel as though we are the problem. You're all so frustrating." Her words spilled out as one long sentence, voice catching towards the end as she struggled to regain control of her breath.

"Um, well," Ross stammered. Her statement caught him off guard and didn't have a prepared answer.

"Tell me Ross, when you have an issue or problem do you keep it to yourself or do you discuss it with your wife?" Demelza turned to look him straight on, not letting him skirt an answer.

"I suppose it depends on the problem. Often I try not to burden Elizabeth with mine business or money." Ross spoke slowly, digesting the words he was saying as if actually hearing them for the first time.

"I see. Do all men seem to think we women are too weak or incompetent to offer any help when it comes to business? Or other things? " Demelza got up from the rock and started to pace, twisting her hands as she walked. Ross guessed that something rather serious was bothering her but that she was reluctant to share. He let her continue walking back and forth until the movement got to be too distracting.

"Demelza!" he finally yelled. She stopped in her tracks surprised at the tone of his voice. "It's clear that you've something specific on your mind. What is it? Can I help?"

She came to stand in front of him then but returned to her perch on the boulder, still clutching her fingers as she twisted the ring on her left hand. Demelza desperately wanted to tell Ross what was truly bothering her but worried that it would be a betrayal of her marriage; especially after what had transpired between them months ago. Yet, Ross was here, willing to listen and perhaps he could help her understand what might be happening with her husband.

"Ross?" She spoke timidly and Ross was concerned as this was the complete opposite of the woman who moments ago ranted at him. He waited for her to continue, sure that if he interrupted her she would unleash another tirade. There was a strong desire to reach out and take her hand in his as a show of comfort but Ross knew that would just add another level of stress that seemed to be surging through her. He sat quietly taking in the profile of his cousin in law. Even in distress she was breathtaking. He was regarding her countenance when she turned abruptly and with tears in her eyes spoke.

"Does Francis have another woman?" Demelza's voice was calm despite her outward appearance. Ross was taken aback and he had to wonder where this thought was coming from.

"Demelza, what are you talking about? Francis would never…." He didn't finish that sentence because he knew it would be a lie. All the Poldark men did have one thing in common: a love and appreciation for the opposite sex. It must be a genetic trait as Ross saw how his father had paraded women through the house after his mother died. Charles, Francis' father was more discreet but knew there had been female companions throughout the years. Ross himself had visited Margaret, the woman who inhabited the Red Lion and offered companionship to men for a price. Granted, he hadn't sought her out since his return and marriage to Elizabeth but knew that if he so desired, she would welcome him openly. However, he had never heard of Francis partaking of this pastime.

"This is so embarrassing but I have no one else I can talk to about this and I thought that maybe you could help me understand or tell me how to fix it." Demelza wiped at her eyes before the tears fell. She seemed calmer now that the problem was out in the open so she continued. "Lately, Francis seems to be distracted and distant. He comes home from the mine after being there all day and goes into his study. There are times when he doesn't eat or talk to me. We used to talk all the time about everything. Now I can barely get him to say hello. But the biggest change is that we rarely…" she hesitated at this point. Her body slumped a little and she bent her head so that her face was hidden. Taking a breath, she straightened her back and looked directly at him. "He doesn't seem to want to share a bed with me anymore, Ross. Why would that be? Has he said anything to you?"

Ross stared at her, incredulous that his cousin could treat his wife this way or that she would open up about that part of her life with his cousin. How could he turn his back on this beautiful, devoted woman? Ross considered Francis the luckiest of men and so was at a loss to give Demelza an answer. Mainly because he didn't have one.

"In truth Demelza, Francis and I have not had much interaction lately but I haven't heard any gossip about another woman. I think you must be mistaken." Ross tried to sound confident that this was true but in all honesty he couldn't swear to it. He had heard from Verity that her brother was at home less but Ross never thought that it was because of another woman.

Demelza had gotten quiet and looked at Ross' face for some sign or indication that he knew something but was keeping it from her. Ross knew he had to respond with an explanation that would satisfy her need for answers and put her mind at ease.

"Perhaps there is some issue with the mine. You know that Grambler is old and needs constant monitoring; it is possible his preoccupation is work related and nothing at all to do with…" Ross didn't continue because he couldn't bring himself to entertain that thought of his cousin. He seriously would think that Francis was insane to even consider another woman when he had this magnificent creature at home. Ross found his mind going to places that it shouldn't again. Demelza was unaware of Ross' temporary distraction as she spoke.

"Ross, do you think it could be that? Francis never speaks to me of the mine—mayhap he doesn't think I would be interested. And I don't dare ask what might be bothering him because I don't want to look ungrateful or intrusive."

Ross looked at her incredulous. This did not seem like the same Demelza he met on this beach a few months ago. She seemed reserved, demure and unsure.

"Demelza, this really has you upset doesn't it?" Ross asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not your usual smiling self. If what Francis is doing or not doing is bothering you so much you should talk to him. Keeping secrets is the worst thing for a marriage."

Demelza nodded slightly in agreement. She knew Ross was right. She needed to talk to Francis but was not quite sure how to approach the subject without looking like a needy wife.

"You're right of course, Ross. Thank you," she said with a warm smile crossing her face. She sat quietly gathering her thoughts on how she would handle this when another notion came into her mind. Hesitating for a moment she decided that honesty was the best policy and would ask Ross what had been nagging her since the opening of the mine.

"Ross?" Demelza asked softly.

He turned to her and responded "Yes?"

"How well do Francis and Elizabeth know each other?" She spoke quickly, keeping her head down while the words spilled out but now raising her gaze to look at Ross. She saw the silent shock in his face at the question but thankfully did not see any anger at her suggestion.

"What do you mean? Francis, Elizabeth, Verity and I have known each other since we were children. We grew up together. So I imagine you can say we all know each other fairly well." Ross spoke with a certain level of assurance in his voice but his head was digesting Demelza's question. Could she be insinuating that Francis and Elizabeth were more involved than just old friends and now in-laws? He stood abruptly, not liking the way this conversation had turned and especially not liking that for a moment he contemplated that it might be true.

"Demelza what are you getting at?" His voice rose and his face took on a less than friendly demeanor.

"Oh Ross, I'm not suggesting anything. It's just that once or twice I saw Elizabeth riding past Trenwith and stopping to look at the house. It seemed as if she were searching for something. Or rather trying to decide what to do. I never meant that Francis and Elizabeth were doing anything inappropriate. I'm so sorry." Demelza moved toward Ross and reached a hand out to touch his arm in a conciliatory gesture. He turned to face her and saw that her apology was genuine. He was also grateful that the feelings coursing through him at that moment were those of friendship and warmth and nothing as intense as they had experienced before.

"Apology accepted," he said. "Demelza, I wish I could tell you something more to ease your mind, but I can't. The best you can do is talk to Francis."

"Just as you talk to Elizabeth?" She seamlessly turned the tables on him. Ross was caught by surprise at her intuitiveness.

"What can you mean? Elizabeth and I are fine." He didn't sound as convincing as he hoped and Demelza picked it up immediately. She was unsure if she should pursue it but perhaps Ross wanted someone to talk to as much as she did.

"Ross I didn't mean anything by it. But if you want someone to talk to, I'm here. You've been so kind to me and understanding and welcoming. I would hate to think that I couldn't reciprocate the gesture."

He saw the openness in her face and her genuine concern so that any anger he might have had faded away. She continued.

"Or that if you had a problem you couldn't feel you could talk to me. We are friends, aren't we?" He hadn't noticed until then that her grip had slipped from his arm to his hand as she grasped it lightly.

He gave her hand a squeeze and smiled down at her.

"Yes Demelza we are friends."

A moment passed between them that, if, had they let it, could have gone in another direction. Instead, these cousins- in-law nodded in silent agreement at their new found relationship and sealed it with a grin.


	10. Chapter 10

Trying Not to Love You -10A-

 _Reference:_ _birth_ _-_ _control_ _-in-the-_ _18th_ _-_ _century_ _/_

 _2013/06/05/british-contraception-in-the-eighteenth-century/_

As he road home from his time on the beach, Ross determined that he had to confront Elizabeth about her recent behavior. Avoiding the situation was only adding to the distance that was already growing between him and his wife. He was also concerned that whatever had occupied Elizabeth so much in the past weeks was more than just boredom of being a poor squire's wife. He was waiting in his library for Elizabeth to return as it seemed that she had gone on another one of her trips to Truro with no explanation as to why. This, after Ross had assured Demelza that he and Elizabeth were fine and that there were no secrets between them. As he sat at his desk, his mind ran through the possible reasons why his wife would make these unannounced visits to town and just what was she doing on them. Demelza' s question about Elizabeth and Francis at the time seemed ridiculous but was it possible that something more was going on between his cousin and his wife that Ross was deliberately neglecting to see?

He was going over a map and another sample of rock when he heard a horse approach and then the front door open. Leaving his work he walked into the hall to meet his wife. She looked slightly flushed from her ride but her cool beauty shone through while the blue riding habit she wore accentuated her features. Startled to see Ross, Elizabeth stopped in her tracks.

"Ross? I didn't expect you to be home so soon. I thought the mine would keep you until late in the evening as it seems to have done lately." She moved seamlessly into the parlor, pulling at her gloves as she walked and talked. Removing the pin from her hat, she laid both on the table. Ross watched her, looking for some sign of guilt or hint of what she had been up to. Seeing none, he decided to come out and ask, heeding his own advice that he had imparted on Demelza only a short time ago.

"Where have you been, my love?" Ross tried to not sound as irritated as he felt. Looking at her more closely, he could detect that all was not as it seemed with this wife.

"Been? Out riding Ross," she answered smoothly. "Why were you worried for me?" As she walked past him, she brushed his arm in that familiar and possessive way a wife would. Surprisingly, Ross didn't feel the same electric charge he had felt from Elizabeth when they were first married and most certainly, not what he felt from being just near Demelza. What did that mean? It confused him and he found himself staring at his wife trying to figure out what was going on, not only with Elizabeth because clearly something was but within himself.

"I was just concerned because Prudie said you'd been gone most of the day." He paused and waited for her to say something. Instead she sat near the fire fingering a book that had been left on the settle not really acknowledging what he was saying or his presence. Ross continued. "Have you been to Truro?"

Elizabeth looked up, clearly surprised by his outburst. Taking a moment to compose herself, an action not lost on Ross, she spoke. She straightened her back and it was evident that what she was going to say was not necessarily going to be pleasant. Ross steeled himself for what was about to come as he'd seen that look on his wife's face before; specifically when she told her mother that she was going to marry him no matter what the older woman thought. It was then that Ross knew Elizabeth would do things to defy convention or more importantly, whatever she needed to do to please her. It was a trait that in the past, Ross had admired. He found a woman who would speak her mind and do what she felt like doing and that fascinated him, especially in their social circle. And he realized it was that same attribute that attracted him to Demelza as well. However, he was getting the feeling that this current defiance by his wife was going to have the same effect as that did to their lives.

"Yes, I've been to Truro," she stated simply. "I've been seeing a doctor." Elizabeth rose and went to the breakfront to pour herself a port as Ross watched. For a moment he thought that she was trying to tell him that they were going to have a child and a light came across his face. Elizabeth turned around and Ross smiled at her, moving towards where she stood, when she cut him off.

"I've been getting advice on how to ensure that I wouldn't become burdened with a child." As soon as the words were out, Elizabeth put the crystal glass to her lips and took a sip of the burgundy liquid. Ross stood stock still, unable to comprehend what she had just said. Did he hear her correctly? That she had been seeing a doctor to make sure she wouldn't end up carrying his child? He was dumbfounded and needed to confirm what he thought he heard.

"Wait! What? You've been trying avoid becoming pregnant? I don't understand Elizabeth. Why?" Ross was on the verge of uncontrollable anger not to mention hurt. He could not comprehend how the woman he loved and who supposedly loved him would not want to have a child.

"Ross, you have to see that we are in no position to have a child. Our coffers are meager and quite frankly, I've never really seen myself as a mother. Besides, you must admit that things between us have been less than perfect to bring a child into the world." Her voice was steady and calm as she spoke. Ross was amazed that there was no emotion in the way she related what she had done or why. He sat down in the nearest chair and looked down at the ground. He couldn't bring himself to look at his wife at this moment. He was afraid his face would give away the disappointment he had as well the pain of knowing the woman he married was not who he thought she was.

"Elizabeth, if we had a child I would make sure that neither you nor the baby would suffer for anything. Don't you believe that?" The hurt was overcoming the other feelings coursing through him. He looked up at her now, his eyes moist but determined to get the truth out of her, not only about this but about their marriage in general.

"I'm sure you think so Ross, but in the time we've been married, things have not improved for us financially, have they?" She sat back down on the settle, a safe distance from Ross. "And it doesn't look like that is about to change anytime soon." Elizabeth kept her eyes on Ross, waiting for some dispute to her statement. He had to admit he had none. Ross was considering her words when the door to the parlor opened and Prudie came in with little ceremony.

"Will you be wanting tea?" she asked curtly. She stood with her hands on her hips, waiting for a reply.

Ross looked up and silently relayed to Prudie that tea was not wanted. Looking between her master and the mistress, Prudie could tell the best thing she could do was leave-quickly. Turning without a backward glance, she left the room and closed the door.

Once he was sure the door was closed, Ross turned back to his wife, who still sat quietly, not betraying any emotions. On the other hand, Ross struggled to get his in check. He wasn't quite sure how to continue this conversation except that he needed to know what exactly she was doing and how long it had been going on. His voice was low as he asked, "How long have you been….doing something….to prevent a child?" He could not believe he was having this conversation. The question surprised Elizabeth but she was not embarrassed and answered.

"You mean you want to know what kind of treatment the doctor has been prescribing?" She waiting but Ross couldn't actually ask so she continued.

"Sometimes I take powders in ale but that is only for after we've lain together. I didn't want to take a chance that it might not work so I mainly use sponges with vinegar or lemon. Using it before we… are together…has prevented my getting with child." Again, Ross was astonished at the coldness in her relating of events. Who was this woman sitting in front of him? He didn't recognize her as the girl he fell in love with when she was 16 and whose image kept him alive during the war. She was a stranger and not someone he particularly liked or even wanted to know.

"I cannot believe you would go to such lengths. Do you despise me so much that you couldn't bear to have my child?" His voice was about to crack but he caught himself before it did.

"Ross, this has nothing to do with you. I care for you. I just don't want children."

"What else don't you want Elizabeth?" He looked directly at her, his voice stronger than it was a few minutes ago. Ross walked over to the window and looked out at his well worn estate. Perhaps she was right about not bringing a child into this world of theirs. They were not overflowing with money or even had a decent home, but he knew that he had enough love to spare for both Elizabeth and any child they were blessed with. Why could she not see that? And why wasn't it enough? He had heard more than he needed to know about the mechanics of this topic but another thing occurred to him about Elizabeth's actions recently that he wanted to find out about.

"Have you been riding to Trenwith? Demelza said she's seen you outside the gate, just looking at the house. Why would you do that?" And this time before she had a chance to respond and before he lost his nerve asked the other thing on his mind. "Are you and Francis involved?"

Elizabeth burst out in a coarse, harsh laugh. "Are you insane? Francis and I are friends. Just as you and his little scullery maid wife are. Should I ask you the same question, Ross?" He turned around and stared at her, at a loss for words. The bitterness in her tone was another thing that was new to her personality. Or was it? Was she perhaps always this cold and he was just blinded to the fact because of her beauty? He was going to give her a sharp retort but held his tongue because he didn't want to say something that would turn this already tense situation into something worse.

"Friends? Then why the visits to Trenwith without actually visiting? What are you looking for?" He was genuinely curious.

"I have ridden over there recently. Not only because the lands and house are magnificent but because….." she hesitated a moment and then stated, " _I_ should be living there. How could Francis have chosen such an inappropriate woman to be mistress of Trenwith? I don't understand what he sees in her. Unless of course, she served more than tea on her visits with him." Now her voice turned cruel and sarcastic. Reminiscent of their mutual friend Ruth Teague.

"Elizabeth! Where is this hatred coming from? I don't understand you anymore," Ross said, exasperated.

Elizabeth walked around the room, avoiding direct contact with him, a fact not lost on Ross. It was as if she was gaining momentum as she circled the room, each turn giving her another wave of bravery. Presently she stopped in the middle of the room and continued.

"Anymore?" She almost laughed at him but restrained herself. "Ross, this is who I've always been. You just chose to see what you wanted to see in me. And for a while, it's served a purpose. However, now, I find that I'm not satisfied with this life. Or with you." She finished and a cold, smug look appeared on her face.

Ross was at a loss for words and struggled to reply.

"Elizabeth, I…." he started, his head down, his hands at his sides, clenching and unclenching. It was the first time in his life that he had no control over what was happening and no idea how to circumvent it.

"Ross, don't. There is nothing to say. It's not your fault, nor is it mine. We probably shouldn't have married. Our personalities are too different. You said it once yourself that I was a lady and could never play a scullery maid. And you were right. I'm just sorry it came to this for me to admit it."

He watched her as she spoke, and could feel the relief seeping out of her as if the burden of being his wife had been a virus that was now being cleansed from her body. She stood straight and sure, not at all like a wife who was telling her husband she was done with him and their marriage.

"But I loved you, Elizabeth. I went to war with that love as my reason for surviving. Now you tell me that you married me out of what? Pity? Obligation? Did you want to marry Francis instead? Please help me to understand. Tell me the truth." Surprisingly he found his voice was strong. He was still confused but determined to get to the bottom of this.

"You want the truth, Ross? Fine. Yes, sometimes I wish I had pursued Francis while you were gone. For then I would be mistress of Trenwith and would be enjoying the title and all that went with it." She sat down now, tired of holding herself in position.

"Did you love Francis? Do you love him?" Ross asked, waiting for her answer but sure he knew what she'd say.

Again, Elizabeth gave a little laugh before she responded. "No, Ross. I don't love him." Ross let that sink in and then asked what he needed to ask her.

"Did you ever love me?"

Elizabeth looked directly at him and with a steely look said simply, "I don't know. I think I loved the idea of you. Of being married to someone my mother didn't like. But no, Ross, I don't think I ever loved you the way a wife should love her husband."

Nodding his head in silent resignation and acknowledgement, Ross moved to sit at the table, his hands folded in front of him. Elizabeth saw his distress but did not move to ease it. She continued.

"But I didn't and don't love Francis either. He was too kind and it appears to me that I need someone of the same temperament and thinking. This is most likely why George Warleggan and I have taken to meeting."

And there it was. Ross's head turned sharply to look at her and her face was serene. Peaceful even. Ross stared at this woman and truly did not know who she was. He wanted to ask her how long she'd been betraying him with that upstart, but something inside had him choking on the words.

"Elizabeth, I don't know what to say. Is that also why you've pulled away from me? Because you've been sleeping with George?"

"Well, Ross, I wouldn't say we did much sleeping…" Her taunt was not appreciated by him but he let it pass. "Frankly, George and I have much in common. We both like the finer things, dislike the same things and people. But most importantly, he can provide me with the life I was born to live."

Ross was now getting angry and wanted this conversation to end so he could decide what he was to do next.

"So what do you plan to do Elizabeth? Surely you already have something in mind. We can't get a divorce as that takes an act of parliament and quite a bit of money, neither of which I have access to. So are you just going to be Warleggan's mistress?" Now Ross's tone was turning bitter but he didn't care. If he were honest, she could go to George and live with him, as long as he didn't have to see her again. It surprised him that he wasn't more upset at her confessions. He thought he'd be fighting to change her mind, but that was not the case.

"Actually, George has already made inquiries into how you and I can end our marriage. Since I can't ask for a divorce, if you ask for it—perhaps stating I've not been a wife to you—George will make the arrangements to get it taken care of. He has many connections and will use them to get me what I want. It might take months, but I'm willing to wait if it means starting over." Ross's face clearly showed his shock at how she had obviously plotted and schemed this for a long time. Elizabeth saw his face and went on.

"Surely you're not shocked are you Ross? And admit it; it's the best solution to our problem. You need someone else to be your wife. Not me. And I need someone who can keep me in the lifestyle I deserve. So let's get on with it."

Ross couldn't and didn't want to argue what she had said. At this point, he wanted her out of his house and life. If George could make it happen, it would be the first and only time he would turn to this man for assistance.

"Fine, Elizabeth. Do what you need to and I will go along with it. Now do something for me. Leave my house. Take everything that might remind me you existed and go. If we are going to annul our marriage, might as well start immediately." Now it was Ross who sounded cold and detached.

"I was hoping you'd say that. I've already started to move my things to George's home."

Again, Ross was surprised but not shocked at her statement.

"What will your mother say Elizabeth? Or society?"

"I don't care about society. As for my mother, she knows and I think she'll be pleased that I'll finally have a husband who can truly take care of me."

She moved to the table and picked up her hat placing it on her head and adjusting it in the mirror. Giving a final look at herself, she turned to say something to Ross, when Prudie opened the door with Dwight behind her.

"Surgeons' here," she said.

Ross rose to greet Dwight and shook his hand.

"What are you doing here? No one is ill."

Dwight hesitated before speaking, unsure how to proceed. Ross could see something was wrong.

"Dwight, what is it?"

Speaking slowly Dwight said, "It's your cousin, Francis. He's dead."


	11. Chapter 11

Trying Not to Love You-

Demelza walked back to Trenwith with a renewed resolve to talk to Francis and get her marriage back to where it was. She was proud to be Mistress Poldark and was grateful to him for choosing her and bringing her up to become his wife and lady of Trenwith. And she loved him. Yet, now Demelza wondered if she loved him enough in the way a wife should love a husband to keep him happy and satisfied. Until recently, Francis had been kind and attentive and he never gave Demelza any cause to question his devotion. And so, Demelza's feelings for him grew from that. However, since the unspoken rift in their relationship, she wondered if that kind of love was enough to sustain a marriage long term. If she were honest with herself, she wanted to feel that intense, blood surging passion she felt when she kissed Ross those months ago. It had lasted only a few moments but she had not felt the same kind of emotions with Francis since. Now Demelza wondered if he sensed a change in her and that was why he pulled away.

As she gathered wild flowers on her way home, she decided that no matter how hard the discussion would be, she would tell Francis the truth and, if they truly loved each other, would be able to overcome the obstacles and make their marriage work. Reaching the edge of the property, Demelza took a moment to look at the world that fate had given her. The majestic stone structure had years of Poldark history and she was still in awe that she was now a part of it. As she approached the oak doors, Demelza's attitude lightened tremendously. She entered the grand main hall and saw Verity sitting in the morning room, doing her needlework while Aunt Agatha dozed in the corner, her ever present port and tarot cards on the table in front of her. Verity looked up when Demelza entered and put a finger to her mouth in a sign that they should keep quiet so as not to disturb their aunt. Demelza smiled and quietly made her way over to where the old woman sat and glanced at the cards that were turned over.

There was a card with a sword holding a crown, a card with four cups, another that looked like royalty and finally one with a wheel. Demelza had no idea what they meant but something about them piqued her interest and set a chill up her spine. There was one more card separate from the deck but not turned over, and as discreetly as she could, Demelza reached over and flipped the card. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw what it was: death. Moving away from the table, she gripped her flowers and proceeded to find a vase to arrange them in. Verity saw the color drain from her face and walked over to see what she had found on the table. Seeing the cards she knew the reason for her reaction and knew she had to say something to alleviate Demelza's automatic feelings.

"Demelza, my dear, do not take these seriously. Aunt Agatha plays with these to pass the time; she's certainly no fortune teller." Verity had taken Demelza's arm and looked up at her reassuringly. Her eyes were bright and her warm smile did wonders for Demelza's suddenly cold feeling.

"Fiddlesticks," a gravelly voice said from the corner. "I'm hardly ever wrong." Agatha raised her head and looked squarely at the young women, who shared a look between them and giggled. Agatha gestured for both of them to come over to where she sat. Taking a sip of port, she picked up the deck and pointed to the cards already laid down.

"The dark Poldark," she said as her finger touched the Ace of Swords. "Triumph, the excessive degree in everything, conquest It is a card of great force, in love as well as in hatred." Agatha peered over her glass at Verity and Demelza, narrowing her eyes as she did so. Putting the glass down, she touched the card opposite that one, The Four of Cups. "Or the fair Poldark. Weariness, disgust, aversion, imaginary vexations, as if the wine of this world had caused satiety only; another wine, as if a fairy gift, is now offered the wastrel, but he sees no consolation therein."

Demelza heard her words and felt that same chill pass through her. Plastering a smile on her face she said nothing as the old woman continued.

"As the stronger rises, the weaker falls. For all is fair in love and war." Noticing her glass was empty, Agatha indicated to Verity to refill it. Going to the sideboard, Verity brought the decanter to her aunt, and poured another tot into the crystal cup. Agatha ignored her actions as looked at the card that Demelza had flipped over earlier.

"The death card," Agatha said with an ominous tone. She lifted her eyes and looked directly at Demelza. Now the feeling of foreboding was stronger than ever in Francis' young wife and she did not know how to shake it. Verity saw the exchange and interceded.

"Aunt Agatha! Stop with all the grim storytelling. Must you always predict the worst?" Verity was sharp with her aunt but didn't want to be disrespectful. However she saw how upset Demelza was and was determined to help her sister in law. "Demelza, come, let's put the flowers in some water and then start tea. I'm sure Francis will be home soon and will be famished."

Hearing her sister in law's voice, Demelza gathered the flowers and vase and walked towards the kitchen with Verity close behind, who looked over her shoulder and gave a glare to her aunt. Agatha ignored her and went back to her port and cards.

In the kitchen, Demelza moved about mechanically, starting the preparations for tea and trying to get Agatha's words and the sight of those cards out of her head. She had come home more optimistic than ever that she and Francis could regain what they seemed to be losing and now this sense of doom was washing over her. Having a quick look at the clock she saw that there was still some time until Francis would be home so she had time to mix up a batch of fresh scones for tea. Putting her mind to the business of baking, she pushed aside anything else.

As she put the ingredients in a bowl for the dough, she played the conversation she anticipated having with Francis in her head. She hoped that when she relayed what had transpired between her and Ross, Francis would not be too angry and would understand the circumstances under which their encounter happened. Her mind now determined, she shaped and formed the buns and placed them on a board to rise. With nothing more to do until they were ready to bake, Demelza made her way upstairs to her and Francis' room for a quick lie down. She had been feeling off kilter most of the day and put it down to the stress of the situation with Francis so lying down and putting her feet up was a welcome luxury. Soon she had fallen into a light sleep and dreamt of nothing.

When Demelza awoke she saw that the sun had set and that someone had lit the candles in her room. Sitting up slowly, her body was rested but her mind still felt full of thoughts and emotions. She was anxious for Francis to come home so they could dine and have some quiet time to talk. Rising from the bed, Demelza noticed the time and wondered why no one woke her for tea. She hadn't realized she had slept through the afternoon. Looking in the mirror, she smoothed her hair and dress and made her way downstairs to see if Francis had come home and had tea without her.

Reaching the large main dining room, Demelza didn't see any sign of Francis. Walking into the parlor she saw Verity sitting at her large embroidery hoop, working quietly and Agatha dozing in the corner. It appeared as though Francis did not return for tea as the table still had the remnants of the afternoon ritual which included unused cups as well as plenty of biscuits and pastries.

Verity looked up from her stitching when she saw Demelza enter.

"My dear, did you have a pleasant rest? You seemed so distraught earlier I hadn't the heart to disturb you. I hope you don't mind?" Verity's voice was full of concern and caring. Her large brown eyes stared warmly at Demelza which put her at ease.

"Thank you Verity. Did Francis come home for tea?" she asked.

Verity shook her head lightly. "No. As a matter of fact, he didn't. I didn't think anything of it until you mentioned it now. Perhaps there was some business at the mine that kept him detained." She spoke simply with no hint of worry. Demelza, on the other hand got that same sinking feeling in her that had been lingering for several weeks. She had a feeling of foreboding and without realizing it, glanced at Agatha, who was not the wiser. The older woman continued to sleep, unaware of what was going on around her. Or so Demelza thought.

Demelza walked to the window, looking towards the front gate, hoping to catch sight of Francis riding in. Subconsciously her hand drifted to her waist, wishing that the talk she and Francis were going to have would include her telling him that she was going to give him a child. For some reason she was sure that the last time they were intimate, she had gotten with child but knew logically it was too soon to be sure and to voice that hope could only be lending itself to disappointment. Demelza went back to join the ladies and reached for a biscuit as she passed the table. She realized that she was famished as she hadn't eaten since breakfast. Now as she nibbled on the sweet, she decided that perhaps a cup of tea would do wonders to calm her nerves and proceeded to pour a cup.

"Demelza," Verity cried as she jumped up from her seat. "Let me get you a hot pot." She went to take the bowl from her and Demelza stopped her.

"Verity, stop. This will do just fine. I just need something to wash down this biscuit and soothe me a bit. No need to cater to me. Sit down." Demelza's voice was insistent and so Verity smiled and returned to her loop.

Presently Agatha stirred and sitting upright, looked towards the hallway as if she expected someone. Grabbing the cane that sit next to her chair, the lifted herself up from the chair and made her way over to the table, surveying the contents. Snorting at the spread, she walked past to go to the decanters that were displayed on the sideboard. She poured herself a draught of port and stood with Demelza, waiting for something. Demelza looked down at the smaller, woman and gave a weak smile. She tried to remain non committal but her heart would not allow her to lose the fear she had. Walking around the room once more she heard what she thought were hooves on the gravel.

Turning toward the entry way, she smiled with anticipation at seeing Francis appear. So she was surprised when Tabb walked towards her with someone else in his presence. It was Ross. Demelza straightened up without a second thought and prepared to greet him when she saw his face. Immediately she knew something was wrong. He was grim, his eyes wet with unshed tears and his head bent as if he couldn't look directly at her.

Demelza noticed how Ross briefly looked past her at Verity and his aunt sitting in the parlor. She instinctively knew that what he came to say was not good news.

"Ross, what's wrong?" Demelza took a step towards him and reached a hand out to take his. She knew, whatever it was, she would need to hold on to something.

"Demelza, it's Francis. There's been an accident."


	12. Chapter 12

Trying Not to Love You-12

Ross and Demelza were riding to Dwight's cottage so that she could see Francis once more and take possession of his body to prepare for burial. After the initial shock of Ross's words, Demelza braced herself and did what she instinctively did and that was provide comfort to Verity and Agatha. Whether it was because she was a miner's daughter who had to steel herself against everyday strife or just her compassionate nature, she felt that the older Poldark women were going to take this loss harder than she. It wasn't that she didn't love Francis, or that she wouldn't miss him and all he did but part of her heart was detached from the deep emotional bond a wife should have for a husband who had just been lost.

She was quiet on the ride and Ross looked over several times to make sure she was alright. He was surprised to see her back straight, focused on the road ahead, both real and figuratively he imagined. There was a determination in her stance that concerned him. When he had told her that there was a riding accident and that Francis was mortally injured, Demelza gasped, but did not collapse as he expected her to. Instead she took a breath, looked him in the eye, shiny with unshed tears and gripped his arm. She held on for dear life as they walked into the parlor to tell Verity and Agatha what had happened.

Verity dropped to the nearest seat, gently weeping into her handkerchief. Agatha went back to her chair and picked up the glass of port that had been sitting there, taking the drink in one swallow as her eyes looked up at her dark haired nephew. The cards on the table lay out as a cruel joke of fate. In the silence of the room, with just Verity's sobs as background noise, the older woman swept her hand across the table, sending the cards flying.

"Damnation!" Agatha's voice penetrated the stillness. Demelza turned at the motion and stared at her husband's aunt. Presently she walked over and knelt by the woman's side, taking her hand and squeezing tight in a sign of reassurance. Ross had taken a seat beside Verity and put an arm about her, letting her cry on his shoulder. Demelza looked over at him on the settee comforting Verity and gave him a warm smile. He nodded in response and turned back to his cousin. Demelza gave Agatha a kiss on the cheek and rose, smoothing her skirt and touching her hair, more out of habit than vanity.

"I think we must go to Francis now, "she said softly. Ross gazed at her and pulling away from Verity walked over to his young cousin in law. In a gesture befitting a lady, he took her hand and kissed it. Demelza stiffened a bit at the sudden act not because she was uncomfortable but because it was not something she expected from Ross. He stood up, still holding her hand as he looked at her and spoke.

"Are you sure you wouldn't prefer that I go alone? I can easily take care of…." But he didn't get a chance to finish his sentence when Demelza interrupted.

"I'm sure. I'm his wife and it is my duty to see to this. I appreciate the gesture Ross, but I must do this. You understand, don't you?"

Ross admired her strength and fortitude. With her hand still in his, he nodded.

"I do. And I admire you for it. But know that I am here to assist with anything you need."

Demelza smiled and unclasping her hand from his gave him a small curtsy.

"I know. And will remember that when I need a shoulder to cry on."

Gathering her cloak, they walked to the front courtyard and waited for Tabb to bring the horses around. In those few minutes, Ross was tempted to tell Demelza the full story of Francis' accident, unsure if it would do any good yet he somehow believing that she would want the truth. From what Dwight had related, Francis was on his way back from a visit to Margaret, was apparently inebriated and was thrown when his horse was spooked by a rabbit on the road. He was found by some miners coming off shift who proceeded to call Dwight but it did no good as he was killed instantly. What vexed Ross was that Francis was once again seeking the company of Margaret when he had Demelza at home. Only that morning he had assured her that Francis was not seeing another woman, most especially not the town courtesan. How could he now retract that statement and tell her that her instincts were right? He put the thought out of his head for the moment as they mounted their horses for the short ride Dwight's cottage by the sea.

Riding on the cliffs, looking over the coast Demelza felt calm. Calmer than she imagined she should but that was the natural effect the ocean had on her. There was no grief bubbling under the surface but more an unsettled feeling because the loss of Francis was a total surprise. As with the rest of family, his death was unexpected and from the little she gathered about the circumstances surrounding it, apparently uneventful. Nothing as dramatic as being caught in a rock fall in the mine, but simply a mishap while riding, something he had done since he was a child and was an expert at. That is what she found disconcerting and why she felt something else had contributed to the accident. Plus she felt that Ross knew what it was. Her dilemma now was whether or not to ask what exactly had happened or leave it alone. In truth, did it really matter how Francis died? Wasn't the fact that he was gone enough? And yet, she needed to know for her own peace of mind. Perhaps if this had occurred at another time she wouldn't be so fixated on the details, however because she was having doubts about her husband and the state of their marriage, she needed to know if only to ease her conscience and get full closure.

As they approached Dwight's, Demelza looked over at Ross and without ceremony asked the question that had been lingering in the back of her mind.

"What else happened?" Ross turned at the sound of her voice and saw the inquisitive look on her face.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean, Demelza." He could see that she had some idea that Francis' death was not a simple accident.

"I think you do. Francis was an expert rider, same as you. How could a rabbit make him lose control of his horse to the point of being thrown? And where was he coming from? The route he was on was in the opposite direction of the mine."

Her last statement was not one that Ross expected but he could see from her face that she wanted an answer and the truth at that. If he'd learn anything about Demelza in these past months it was that she regarded honesty as the main staple of one's character. Now was not the time to ignore this and so, with some hesitation, he told her what he had heard.

"You're right. He was not coming from Grambler. He was coming from Truro. It seems he had been….visiting…someone." Ross stumbled over the words because he couldn't believe he was actually saying them.

"A woman?" Demelza asked. Her voice was steady and her gaze did not falter.

"Yes," Ross said, bending his head.

"Ross, you've no need to be embarrassed. It's not your fault Francis felt the need to seek out someone else." They had reached a clearing on the cliff so she pulled her horse to a stop. She kept looking straight ahead, her hands twisting the reins.

"Demelza," Ross started to say.

"It's my fault. Apparently I couldn't give him what he wanted or he became bored with having a miner's daughter as a wife." Demelza struggled to keep her voice in check but was failing. She slid down from her horse and walked away from where they stood. Ross hopped off his horse as well and ran to meet her. Grasping her arm, he turned her to face him and he saw the tears starting to appear and slip down her cheeks. _Damn Francis for doing this to her_ , he said to himself.

"Stop it! This is not your fault at all!" Ross' tone was sharp as he held her upper arms to keep her from turning away. "Francis was an idiot, Demelza. He was weak and lazy at times and let both his mine and his wife…." He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence or thought because the next thing he knew, her hand was making contact with his cheek.

Demelza had pulled out of his grip enough to be able to slap him.

"Don't you dare talk about Francis that way! He was kind and loving and he was my husband and your cousin! And now he's dead! So whatever he was or did doesn't matter now, do it?" Finally the tears that she had fought so hard to control now appeared easily. Demelza dropped her arms, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed. Ross, now feeling like an callous bore for what he said did the only thing he could think of and that was gather Demelza close to him and let her grieve. He wrapped his arms around her as she clung to his coat, her chest heaving as she cried into this shoulder. Ross said nothing. He held her tight, his one hand rubbing her back while the other worked its way up to her head. After a few minutes, Demelza was able to catch her breath and pulled away. Her eyes were red rimmed while her lashes glistened with left over moisture. Seeing that her nose was running and not having a handkerchief, he untied his stock and gave it to her.

"Ross, you don't have to," Demelza squeaked out.

"Demelza, nonsense. It's just a piece of cloth. You need it more than I do."

She took the linen and wiped her nose and eyes. Ross watched as she gathered herself, turning to face the ocean below. She took a few deep breaths of the salty air, fingered her hair and then turned back to him.

"We should get going. Dwight will be waiting and there is still much to be done, isn't there?" Her demeanor was calm almost business like. She walked back to the horse, lifting her skirt slightly and hoisting herself up into the saddle. Once situated, she took the reins and waited for Ross.

Ross stared at this young woman in front of him, his cousin's wife, now, his widow. She was composed and sure, not giving away the fact that she had just collapsed in his arms from grief.

"Yes, we should go," he said.

Taking her lead he mounted his horse ready to continue on to face the task at hand.

Reaching Dwight's cottage, they dismounted and tied their horses to a small bush. Ross waited for Demelza and putting his hand on her back, led her to the door. With a quick glance at Ross and small nod, she raised her gloved hand and knocked gently. Dwight opened the door and gave her a warm smile.

"Demelza, I am so sorry," Dwight said as he took her hand and brought her into the cottage.

"Thank you," she said. Her voice was small, almost a whisper. They stood at the door for a moment as Ross wedged his way into the room. The three of them said nothing until Demelza looked past Dwight to the table behind him and saw the body of her husband. Pushing past the men, she went over to the prone body of Francis. He looked like he was sleeping; peaceful and serene. His head was wrapped to cover the wound that killed him but his face still held the boyish look of the man who married her almost a year ago. After a few moments she bent over his body, laying her head on his chest and laid her arm across his waist. Dwight and Ross knew better than to say anything, so they moved across the room giving Demelza had some privacy. Watching her from a distance, Ross was taken with the poise he saw as she held the lifeless body of his cousin. _How she must have loved him,_ he thought. And for a moment he was envious and feeling guilty. Quietly she stood up and brushed the blond hair off his forehead. She then bent down and placed a kiss there and then on his lips.

"Good bye, my dear. Know that I loved you and I am so glad I got to be your wife. I hope you are at peace now." Her tone was soothing and Ross found himself getting emotional at the declaration this woman made. Despite his idiocy, Francis was still his cousin, his friend and his brother. He made his way slowly to Demelza, touching her elbow to make his presence known. She felt it and looked up at him.

"He looks so young, doesn't he Ross?" Looking down at his cousin he had to agree that for an instance he saw young Francis; the boy he grew up with; the boy who chased him on the shores of Cornwall; the boy who never learned to swim but who was a gentle soul that just couldn't find the strength in himself.

"Yes. He looks like the boy who I played with. I'm so sorry, Demelza." Ross felt his voice breaking. Now it was her turn to comfort him. She took his hand and squeezed it.

"It's alright. I will be alright." He looked at her eyes, clear and steady and knew she would be. Then she added, "We will be alright."

She turned to Dwight and asked, "Did he suffer?" Dwight was surprised at her question and was not prepared to answer it.

"No Demelza, he didn't. From what I can tell, death came instantly."

"Thank you," she said. Looking at Ross, she asked, "What do we have to do now?"

"I will ride back with you to Trenwith and then come back with Tabb and a wagon to bring Francis…home," he said.

"Good. I suppose I better find a black dress, shouldn't I? Demelza asked. "I don't think I can make one."

Ross looked at her in awe. This young woman had just seen the lifeless body of her husband and she is thinking about the practicality of mourning.

"Demelza, I'm sure we can find you a proper mourning dress. I'll see if Elizabeth can help." The words slipped out before he could stop them. In all honesty, he wasn't sure his soon to be estranged wife would even care about what had happened.

Demelza was surprised at his suggestion and it must have shown on her face because Ross acknowledged that.

"What? Do you not think Elizabeth would be willing to assist?"

She tilted her head as if to say "am I wrong?"

"I don't know Ross. She's never seemed to be too pleased with my being married to Francis or a Poldark."

He couldn't necessarily dispute her claim so he stated, "True. And I'm sorry for that." He knew there was nothing else to say on the subject. Plus he didn't want to get into his own marital situation now. It was the least important thing in their world. All that mattered at this point was Demelza and getting through the next weeks of funeral, mourning and settling Francis' affairs.

"Come, let me take you home. I'm sure Verity and Aunt Agatha are growing anxious," Ross said as he took her arm and starting to lead her to the door.

"Yes. I need to go home." Demelza let Ross guide her. Dwight watched them with a sympathetic look as they walked away from Francis. Ross went to open the door to let Demelza pass, but before she did, she gave one last glance at her husband. She turned silently around and left, no long Mistress Poldark, but now Widow Poldark.


	13. Chapter 13

Trying Not to Love You-13- _Francis' funeral, Ross and Elizabeth have a standoff and a not so big surprise for Demelza. Never say the Poldarks are boring..._

The funeral took place a few days later at the church near the grounds of Trenwith. The pews were filled to capacity with mourners from society and the villages, each side of the aisle seating a respective sector of Cornwall. Many were there for Francis, namely the old family acquaintances and business associates; but just as many were there for Demelza as a show of support in this time of grief for she had earned the respect of so many during her marriage to Francis, mostly from the miners, fisher folk and their families. As for the friends of society, that was a different story. The neighboring estates were polite in their condolences but only out of propriety because of the Poldark name and history in the area.

When the mourners arrived at Trenwith after the cemetery, Demelza was every inch the lady of the manor as she greeted each guest and thanked them for coming. She walked from room to room making sure that everyone was attended to and that the reception was one that was worthy of Francis and his status. After it appeared that things were under control, Demelza sought out Verity. She was feeling overly tired and wanted more than anything to retreat to her bedroom for the rest of the day. Seeing her sister in law talking to John and Ruth Treneglos Demelza crossed the room to reach her side.

"Verity, excuse me," Demelza said. Ruth and John nodded politely in acknowledgment and stepped aside. Once they had left, Demelza spoke softly in Verity's ear.

"My dear, would you mind if I disappeared for a few minutes. I'm not feeling very well. I think all the stress of the past few days is finally catching up to me."

Verity looked up at Demelza and seeing that she looked pale and not her usual self agreed without hesitation.

"By all means my dear don't give it a second thought. There is nothing much more to do here and if I need help I can easily call upon Tabb and Ross. Go. I'll come get you if necessary."

"You're a saint Verity. Thank you." Demelza bent and gave her a kiss on the cheek as she was gently pushed by the young woman in the direction of a small passage that led to Francis' study. Demelza didn't fight it for as much as she wanted to have a lie down in her bedroom she was content with this if just to indulge in a few moments of quiet. Once Demelza had discreetly left the room, Verity moved again into the grand hall to oversee the food and drink, intent on keeping her own mind busy. The loss of her only brother had hit hard and she was not going to let the extent of that loss interfere with her duties for the day. There would be plenty of time for solitary mourning later. Walking the parameter of the room, Verity was checking on what was laid out on the elongated table when she felt a hand on her back. Looking over her should she saw her cousin Ross and by the look on his face he was just as drained and exhausted as she.

"Ross?" she said a hint of surprise in it. Ross took her hand and gave it a light kiss.

"How are you Verity?"

"I'm alright cousin," she answered quietly. There was a pause before she offered, "Actually I don't know how I am. It's all so surreal. One minute he was here and the next he's dead. Fate does play cruel tricks, doesn't it?" Ross saw that she was holding back tears and squeezed her hand in silent support.

"I agree. But we must find a way to go on at least for today. Francis would want that," he said with a reassuring air. Verity gave him a small smile.

"You're right of course." She looked behind him as if searching for someone. "Where's Elizabeth? Hasn't she come with you?" Ross's body stiffened which was not lost on Verify. She had guessed that there was tension between her beloved cousin and his wife but had not had the heart to interfere. Her question was a genuine one as she would hope Elizabeth would be here as support for Ross.

"She's here somewhere. I just wanted to check on you." Picking up a decanter, Ross poured himself a glass of port and turned to survey the amassed crowd. Verity saw that he didn't want to discuss his wife any further so she changed the subject.

"I best go see to Aunt Agatha," Verity said, trying to add an air of lightness to her voice. "She's been so upset since we've gotten the news I've been worried."

Spying the older woman in the corner, she moved towards her. Agatha seemed to be napping but Verity knew that she was observing everything under that ruse. Verity took her leave and left Ross alone for the moment. Seeing the room full of the local gentry, it amazed him how the upper class behaved at events like these. They might be enemies during the day but at the death of one of their own they put on a façade and pretended to be friends sharing in a common loss. It sickened him because he knew that when Francis was alive not one of these people came to his aid as his business failed and he fell further into an abyss. Instead they stood by and waited for the ultimate implosion so that they could swoop in and take whatever was left to pick off the bones. He was silently sipping his drink, watching the scene before him when out of the corner of his eye he saw Elizabeth engaged in deep conversation with George Warleggan. She was wearing a riding costume in peacock blue, not the standard mourning outfit for a member of the family. Her hair was impeccably done and she seemed to have an air of superiority around her. Her head was bent close to George and her face occasionally broke into a small smile. Ross's anger started to rise as he observed this display that was disrespectful under any circumstance but more so today at this cousin's funeral. He could only imagine what the local gossipmongers were thinking and what would be the topic of discussion over tomorrow's tea.

Swilling back his drink he poured another one and hastily walked to where George and his wife were standing. Grasping her elbow, he pulled her away from George and whispered in her ear.

"Must you make a spectacle of yourself, Elizabeth?" He spoke through clenched teeth trying hard not to lose his temper to where anyone else could hear.

Elizabeth firmly pulled her arm away from her husband and never losing her smile said simply,"I believe you are the one making a spectacle of yourself husband over your cousin's widow. _I_ was just having a conversation with our friend."

She delicately took a sip of her wine and without any embarrassment looked out at the crowd, silently accepting their disapproval. Elizabeth didn't care. At this point she was her own woman and had made a decision about the direction of her future. Turning towards George, he raised his glass to her in a sign of accord and Elizabeth returned that with a nod.

"Elizabeth, I know that our marriage is basically over but today is not the place to announce it. I thought you had some semblance of class and decorum. Or at least respect for the circumstances."

"Oh like you do, Ross? I see how you've been _helping_ that poor miner's daughter through all this. I'm sure that's strictly about family responsibility, right?" The sarcasm in her tone was extreme and Ross's patience was wearing thin.

"This has nothing to do with Demelza," he insisted. Elizabeth cocked her head not believing a word out of his mouth.

"Really? I'm sure you're not that devastated that Francis is dead, are you?"

Ross let go of Elizabeth and looked directly at his wife. He knew if he stayed near her something would be said that couldn't be retrieved so he left the room and slipped through one of the many secret doorways in Trenwith. Presently he found himself outside Charles' study and needing to withdraw for the time being, opened the door and slipped inside. He closed the door behind him and as he turned around he saw Demelza was sitting by the fire, her feet up on a small embroidered stool, her head resting on the back of the chair with eyes closed.

Even in slumber and garbed in mourning clothes she was lovely. The dress that Elizabeth deigned to part with fit her perfectly and as odd as it was to notice such details, the black accentuated her glorious red hair. Her hands were folded in her lap and her breathing was slow and steady. Ross moved into the room taking a seat in the chair opposite hers. He glanced at the fire and seeing that it was starting to die, stealthily slipped from his seat to crouch in front of the hearth to stir the embers and add another log to the pile. The fire reactivated and soon was blazing anew. The heat that it generated must have reached Demelza as Ross heard her sigh. Returning to his seat he sat quietly watching her as she slowly roused from her sleep.

Blinking a few times, Demelza recognized Ross sitting across from her. She started to sit up and then quickly reclined again. A wave of nausea overcame her and she suddenly felt lightheaded. She said nothing but Ross could see that something was amiss and jumped to her side.

"Demelza? Are you alright?" He took her hand and held it a moment, gently rubbing the back of it with his thumb. Glancing up at her face he could see the color drain from her face and generally did not look well.

"Ross? What are you doing here? Is something wrong?" She sounded confused, as if she didn't realize what was going on in the house.

"Demelza, you seemed as though you were going to faint," he said.

Demelza looked at him and realization started to settle in her mind; Francis, the funeral, needing to get away.

"Francis' funeral," she replied, slowly becoming aware of her surroundings and the situation at hand.

"Yes. It must have all gotten to you. Should I send for Dwight?" He never let go of her hand and Demelza finally sat up to face him fully.

"I don't think so." She moved to stand up and wobbled to where Ross had to grasp her by the waist.

"Sit down, Demelza. I'm going to find Dwight." Ross rose to leave but Demelza held his hand tight.

"I'm sorry to be such a bother. I'm usually not like this but I imagine it's all that's been happening this past week that has made me unsteady."

"Not surprising. When's the last time you ate?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said almost embarrassed. She honestly could not remember when it was she did have a proper meal but thought it might have been the day of Francis' death. Since then she's been hard pressed to keep any food down. And right now the only thing she wanted to do was sleep. As with eating, sleep was a rare occurrence.

"Demelza," Ross started to say. "You have to take care of yourself." She looked at Ross and gave a faint smile.

"You're too good to me Ross," she said.

"I'm only doing what any good cousin would do. And what Francis would do."

"No Ross, it's more than that. I don't know how I would have gotten through all this without you. Thank you."

Ross gave Demelza a smile, the dimple on his cheek peeking through the light beard he had. He was still concerned about her and decided to go find Dwight whether Demelza wanted it or not.

"Please don't mention it," he said as he kissed her hand. Demelza watched as he did this and now another feeling crept over her. It was one that she had put away on a shelf for the past few months that had reared its head again today. She put it down to the emotions of the day but it was the second time in as many hours that the feeling was revived. Dismissing it for the time being, she waited as Ross lifted his head. He looked into Demelza's crystal blue-green eyes and felt as if he was losing himself in them just as she felt him falling. Pulling away from her, he stood and let her hand slip from his.

"I'm going to get you something to eat and maybe some tea. Stay put," he ordered.

She quickly interjected, "No tea!" Ross was surprised by her outburst. "Maybe a little port?" she said shyly. He gave her a reassuring smile but before leaving on his mission, he went over to a small chest and pulled out a shawl that he laid across Demelza's lap. Satisfied that she would be fine for a few minutes he exited the room, leaving Demelza to settle back in the chair, her gaze focused on the fire.

Thinking over the course of the day, she realized that she hadn't cried either at church during the service or at the cemetery _. I'm sure the locals will have something to say about that_ , she mused. _A wife who doesn't show grief? What does that say about her?_ In truth she didn't really care what they said today because they had no idea what was going through her head and heart. Francis and their life together sat in the forefront of her memories. That only faltered twice in the past few hours. The first when Ross held her as they exited the church for the short walk to the cemetery. His hand at her elbow as he guided her and held her steady was comforting as well a disconcerting. It felt as if it naturally should be there. _What did that mean?_ She wondered. The second being only moments ago when Ross kissed her hand. She was not prepared for these emotions to come on the crest of everything else she was feeling. Shaking the thought, Demelza came back to the present, her fingers brushing over the embroidery of her bodice, lingering at her belly. She heard voices just on the other side of the door so she moved her hand and sat up just as Ross burst in with Dwight on his heels.

"I know you said you didn't want to see a doctor but I thought it couldn't hurt to have Dwight just take a look at you. It's been a trying week." His speech was so genuine and sweet that Demelza didn't have the heart to fight it. And if her suspicions are right, might as well find out sooner rather than later. It would give her more time to deal with it and make plans. Especially since the state of Francis' affairs have not been established yet.

"That's fine Ross. Perhaps I should have Dwight examine me," she said.

Dwight went to sit by her putting his bag on the floor. He reached for Demelza's wrist to take her pulse as he felt her head for any sign of fever. Ross was surprised at her resignation since he was prepared to put up with her fighting the idea. Thinking she might want privacy, he put down the tray he brought in laden with tea and a small plate of sandwiches before making a move to leave. As he opened the door he stopped when he heard Demelza's voice.

"Stay, Ross. You don't have to leave. I'm sure Dwight isn't going to do anything too disturbing. And besides, you're my best friend and I could use someone to lean on."

Something in her voice made Ross take notice again that all was not well with her and that perhaps she knew exactly what it was ailing her.

"If you're sure?" he replied.

"Yes," Demelza said almost to herself.

"Dwight is it alright if I stay?" Ross asked. He wanted to make sure he was not intruding if the doctor needed to do something private.

Dwight looked between his patient and Ross and saw that his presence was something Demelza needed. As he wasn't sure what he was looking for he saw no harm in his friend staying for moral support.

"Demelza wants you to stay Ross. It's fine. If I think you should leave, I'll tell you. You can be sure of that," Dwight said. His tone was more teasing than scolding. Ross nodded in acknowledgment but kept his distance by staying near the door.

Turning his attention back to Demelza, Dwight took her wrist gently to assess her pulse.

"Tell me what happened Demelza? he asked. Dwight didn't look at her as he was focused on counting the beats against his pocket watch.

"There's nothing really to tell. I was just feeling tired and not quite myself so I came in here to rest. Ross was worried when I felt a little off balance as I tried to stand. Nothing more." She spoke quietly and slowly not wanting her answers to elicit more questions. Her vagueness was not lost on Dwight or Ross. Both could tell she was holding something back.

"Appetite?" Dwight asked as he let go of her wrist and moved his hand to her forehead to check for a temperature.

"Not very much these days," Demelza admitted. She glanced up at Ross who gave her a small smile.

"Well, that's understandable considering what you have been going through."

Dwight removed his hand and sat back looking at Demelza. He knew he had to ask her some more questions and this might be the time for Ross to leave.

"Well you haven't got a fever and your pulse seems normal but I still can't tell what might be the problem except exhaustion. However, I would like to ask you some other questions that maybe Ross shouldn't be here for."

Demelza saw that Dwight was slightly embarrassed by what the next step of the examination was going to be and so perhaps he was right and Ross should leave. As much as she wanted him with her, if what she suspected was wrong with her was in fact the diagnosis, Dwight would need to examine her more intimately than just taking her pulse. There would be plenty of time to fill Ross in afterwards.

"If you say so," Demelza said. She looked at Ross and without a word he knew to leave. "Ross, can you stay close by?"

Without skipping a beat he responded, "I'll be right outside the door. Not to worry." With that he departed the room, leaving Dwight to continue. Once he was gone Dwight took the chair opposite Demelza where Ross had been sitting earlier and waited a moment before starting the interview.

"Demelza?"

"Yes."

"Um I'm sorry if this is embarrassing but I have to ask. When was the last time you had your monthly cycle?"

Demelza blushed but was not unprepared for the inquiry. She knew it would be the first thing Dwight would need to know and so replied clearly.

"I believe about two months ago," she stated but unsure. Dwight gauged her feelings and saw that she already knew where he was going with these questions. Also that she already had a notion what his diagnosis might be.

"Have you had any other symptoms?

She raised her head and without faltering said, "Yes." Settling back in her seat she took a breath and recited the other changes she'd noticed over the course of the weeks but that she didn't notice as of importance until now. First it was the morning nausea that made even the smell of tea hard to take; the changes in her body that only she would see as she dressed; and finally the lack of her cycle. Dwight asked her about the last time she and Francis were together and when Demelza told him what she remembered, she could see by the look on his face that he had determined what was wrong with her. Or not wrong with her.

"Demelza, from what you've described, I believe you are with child." Dwight's voice was gentle as he spoke.

"I know," she said. Dwight's eyes widened at her admission and then lowered. He knew that this was probably the last thing she wanted at this time.

"You knew?" he asked gently.

"Actually I didn't think much of it until today. I thought I was just reacting to the stress of everything. But today, I just had a feeling….."

"Have you mentioned your suspicions to anyone else?" he asked.

Demelza looked at him and knew what he was implying. He was asking if she told Ross.

"Dwight, I haven't said anything to anyone. I didn't even share this with Francis because I didn't want to get his hopes up. We had false hopes before so I wanted to wait until I was sure. Now it's too late." There was sadness in her tone that Dwight could understand. He moved towards her and took her hands in comfort.

"Demelza, you shouldn't feel guilty about not telling Francis. How were you to know that he wouldn't be here for you to share in this news?" His words were soothing and logical but that still didn't lessen the hurt.

"I know it's just that…." Her voice was starting to crack as tears gathered. It was then that Ross knocked and reentered the room.

"Is everything alright? "he asked. As he stepped closer to where they sat he saw that Demelza was quietly crying and Dwight seemed to be comforting her. The scene was disturbing not only because his cousin in law was crying but because Dwight seemed to be the one offering her comfort. A pang of jealousy rose from deep inside him. Ignoring that feeling for now, he swept to Demelza's side, panic and anxiety his motivation.

"Demelza!" he cried. "What is it? Tell me!"

The red head's gaze moved from Dwight, who discreetly stood and moved away, to Ross whose eyes showed deep concern. Brushing the tears away, Demelza twisted her hands in her lap and exclaimed simply, "I'm with child."

Ross walked amongst the remaining guests, nursing another glass of port as he digested what Demelza just told him. After her declaration of her forthcoming child, Ross was silent. And Demelza in her usual attempt to comfort others took his hand and held it. He looked down at their joined hands and decided then that he would not let her face anything that came alone. At that moment, however, he could not think of anything to say to Demelza that wouldn't have come out as trite and insincere. Deep down he was happy for her because he knew how much she wanted a child and an heir for Trenwith that would carry on the Poldark name now that Francis was gone. On the other hand there was a streak of jealousy running through him because he knew he might never have a child of his own. After Elizabeth's confession that she didn't want children which led to her not wanting to be married, Ross realized he had to resign himself to a life of seclusion and solitude.

As if on instinct, Ross found himself standing in the front parlor staring at a portrait of Francis and realized for the first time, how angry he was at him. If he weren't weak and selfish, his cousin would be here now at Demelza's side to help her through this and be a father to his baby. Instead he was dead leaving a young wife of barely a year with an estate that was not in the best shape and a child to be raised on her own. The latter issue really wasn't an issue at all. Ross had already decided that he would do whatever he could to help Demelza raise this child.

"So, husband. Is the widow prostrate with grief? Or just looking for your attentions?" Elizabeth's voice seemed particularly grating today so he was glad that his back was to her and she couldn't see him close his eyes in frustration.

"Elizabeth? Have you come in to see how I am or just to taunt me?" Ross turned slowly as he spoke, he actions determined and surprisingly he felt numb. Perhaps it was coming to the realization that his marriage was over and that this charade could actually end. Or maybe it was the thought of Demelza and what she was about to face that put his own situation in perspective.

"Oh Ross, I would have come to see how you were coping with Francis' death if I truly cared. However, your life and the choices you make going forward are not my concern. My only thoughts are for myself and the new life George will be giving me."

Her face revealed nothing except contempt. Ross should have been hurt and shocked but he wasn't. He had come to expect such dramatics and cruelty from Elizabeth. Looking at her now she was not the beautiful girl he thought he fell in love with years ago; instead all he saw was a cold, hard and self absorbed woman. She was not someone he loved or even liked. Ross just wanted her to leave and take George so he could attend to Demelza and see this day through. Taking a deep breath, Ross put down his glass and walked towards Elizabeth. His steps were measured and determined because he was going to end this now. He came to stand right in front of her, his stare steady and sure.

"Elizabeth, you seem to have tired of this reception. Why don't you find George and take your leave? I can relay your condolences to Verity and Demelza," Ross said in a metered tone. There was no emotion in his voice but it was clear that he wanted Elizabeth to go.

Elizabeth had never seen Ross like this before and so she was taken aback, leaving her at a loss for words. Usually her cutting remarks were enough to release the dark side of Ross that she found somewhat interesting and entertaining. Today they had the opposite affect and that annoyed her. She moved to a small mirror that hung on the wall and examined herself. She pushed a stray hair back in place as she spoke.

"Well, it seems you have finally gotten some backbone, Captain Poldark. Perhaps if I'd seen this side of you a year or so ago, we would still be enjoying marital bliss."

Ross had to keep from laughing out loud at her remark. In the past few months, he's come to terms with the fact that Elizabeth and he would never have been happy. He was sorry that the discovery came as late as it did and not sooner as they could have probably gotten the marriage annulled early on. But that was water under the bridge now that Elizabeth had taken the steps to end it now. They still hadn't discussed the particulars but he was sure George had things already arranged and that his part in the dissolution of his marriage would be minimal. Right now he just wanted to get through the rest of the day. It had been awhile since he checked on Demelza and he hadn't seen if she had returned to her guests.

"I think we're done here Elizabeth. I need to go check on Demelza before talking to Pascoe and Pearce about Francis' affairs."

"Of course Ross. You have responsibilities to Francis' little widow and that must take precedent. I'll leave but expect to hear from myself or George shortly so that we can resolve our situation as quickly as possible."

She turned with a flourish causing her skirt to swirl and move with a swoosh. Ross watched as she walked out of the room, her head held high. At the doorway, she stopped and turned.

"Ross? I hope you know that none of this is personal. You know this is for the best. Besides, I think you've already moved on as well. Haven't you? How good of Francis to leave without much fuss. I'm sure—Demelza—appreciates all you're doing for her." With that she was gone, lost in the sea of mourners.

Ross did not follow her nor did he care to see what she was doing. Today was not the occasion to deal with his issues. His mind and focus were on Demelza. Perhaps that was wrong and less than proper but he was not going to deny it; at least not to himself. For now no one else needed to know where his heart was leading, least of all the source of that feeling. She would be going through enough in the coming months and he vowed that he would be by her side every step of the way. He knew it's what Francis would want.

Ross made his way back down the hallway to the study and found Demelza staring out the window at the grounds of Trenwith. He closed the door quietly and walked to where she stood. Not knowing what to say or do, he moved to stand next to her, waiting for some recognition of his presence.

"You know Francis never really saw the beauty in this land. He always thought of Trenwith as a burden he had to carry. I saw it as a magnificent piece of God's country. The greenery, the woods, the pond. Just the sheer space to walk and enjoy were something to treasure."

Ross watched her face as she spoke and saw that she genuinely loved the place that had been her home for a year. He couldn't blame her as Trenwith held many fond memories for him as well. This is why he didn't understand Francis' reluctance to oversee it in the manner to which he should. The resentment he had for the life he was born to was hard to understand. Yet this woman, who was born to practically nothing, cherished her adopted home as something precious. The apparent joy she found in its basic substance was something to admire.

He stepped closer to her still, his arm brushing hers and she turned to him.

"Perhaps it's because I'm of common stock that the simple things make me happy."

Ross's face creased with a grin as he responded, "You are far from common, Demelza." A moment passed between them that they silently acknowledged.

"Oh Ross," she cried. "You are so dear. Francis was lucky to have you as a cousin." She stopped speaking as tears started to fall and Ross's heart broke for her.

"Demelza, please don't cry." Her turned her towards him and pulled her into an embrace. She clung to him, her head on his shoulder and the tears flowing freely now.

"Ross, what am I to do?"

"You go on. You will be just fine. And I will be here for you." Ross pulled her away from his shoulder and to look at her. Her cheeks were streaked with her tears and eyes shimmered. She was beautiful.

Demelza searched his face and felt calm. His presence was like a security blanket that wrapped her in warmth.

"I'm sorry for getting your coat wet. Do you know today was the first time I've cried since Francis died." She reached into the sleeve of her dress to retrieve a handkerchief.

"Don't worry about it," Ross said. After a few minutes, the tears subsided and Demelza walked back to the chair by the fire. She sat down and wrapped the shawl around her shoulders pulling it tight across her chest. The realization of what her life was now seeped in.

"Ross? There is so much I don't know about. How am I going to handle it all?" Her voice was laced with fear as she bowed her head. Ross heard it and moved to erase it.

"With dignity. You're an amazing woman and will be an amazing mother," Ross whispered.

Demelza looked up and into his warm hazel eyes and knew then that she wasn't alone. She let out a breath and sat back, her gaze going back to the fire. Ross pulled up next to her, sitting on the small stool and gently took her hand in his. She didn't need to look down to feel his strength seep through to her. Soon her breathing slowed to normal and she subconsciously moved her other hand to her abdomen, gently caressing it. Ross watched as she already nurtured her unborn child and fought the instinct to join his hand with hers.

"Thank you again. You're going to get sick of hearing me say that over the next few months."

"Don't worry about it. It's what I'm here for."

Demelza glanced down at the hand on her stomach and whispered.

"Do you hear that little one? We are going to be just fine. We aren't alone after all."

 _Thank you so much to all who have been keeping tabs on this one and reminding me that I needed to update. I apologize for the delay-S2 got in my head along with a whole bunch of uninvited fic bunnies that just kept multiplying._

 _Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long but I can't control the gremlins in my head...blame Ross and Demelza..._


	14. Chapter 14

Trying not to Love You-14

Ross sat opposite Harris Pascoe as the older man shuffled through several parchments, his round glasses perched on the edge of his nose. He watched Pascoe and thought about how long the man had known the Poldark family and held their secrets. Ross' memories of his family and past came flooding through; memories he hadn't thought of in years.

Pascoe was a banker and with Nat Pearce, handled the finances and affairs of the Poldark family for upwards of thirty years. Harris and Joshua Poldark were friends from before Ross's mother died. They had been schoolmates, sharing many life experiences so Harris knew the Poldark ways. He knew that Joshua was impulsive and passionate which often got him in trouble with men and women alike. "Wastrel" was s word often used when describing Joshua Poldark in later years, after the death of his beloved wife, Grace. Yet it's been said that while he was married to Ross' mother, he was calm and contented, a status that lasted for the thirteen years they had together. Grace Vennor was a dark haired beauty, younger than Joshua by sixteen years so it was a shock when she was taken ill at the age of thirty. Ross's father never expected to outlive her. Nor did he expect to watch his youngest son die either. It was the combination of those life changing events over the span of twelve months that set Joshua on the track of recklessness which in turn had him pulling away from Ross. As Ross remembered it, his father did not intentionally remove himself from his presence; it was more just a shift in dynamics. Joshua spent more time in town and less at home. At the time, Ross didn't understand why his father preferred the noise and madness of Truro to the warmth of Nampara. He was only ten when he saw his beautiful, vibrant mother suffer for months before succumbing to the pain. Her lustrous raven hair turned thin and dull and her bright eyes dimmed so that when she looked at him he didn't see the woman who loved and nurtured him but a stranger who seemed so far away. The last thing Ross remembered of the day his mother died was sitting on her bed, holding her frail, cold hand and giving her a kiss on the hollowed cheek before being scooted away by Prudie, who herself was sniffling into her apron. He turned back to look at his father, his head bowed on the edge of the bed as if in prayer, while Grace took her last breath.

The funeral and days surrounding it were a blur. Ross' younger brother Claude clung to his side during those days and Ross found himself having to be strong for the child when all he wanted to do was go to the loft in the barn and cry until the ache he felt subsided. Joshua spent the time in his library with a continually full bottle of brandy. Ross's memories of those days brought a familiar feeling of loneliness. He might have been in a house with a father, brother and servants, yet Ross still felt very alone. His mother was the only one who could bring him out of a brooding mood or make him smile with a silly song on the spinet.

The consecutive deaths of his mother and brother compounded by his father's absence did little to ease the emptiness; Ross didn't only feel alone but isolated as well. With Claude's death, Joshua didn't seem to feel the need to be around Nampara. He'd spend as much time away from home as he could, leaving Ross in the hands of Jud and Prudie. The servants looked after him and taught him lessons he was sure not to learn at school. It was a secluded life for the most part except for those times that he was able to spend time with his cousins, Francis and Verity. They were his only family and as they had also lost their mother, understood each other and the emptiness that came with having distant fathers.

It was also during that time that Harris Pascoe became a regular visitor to Nampara. As one of Joshua's closest friends, he felt a responsibility to be there for him and his family. In actuality, Harris was around more than Joshua's own blood, Charles, a fact that was not lost on Ross. Ross was envious at times because at least Charles was physically at Trenwith unlike Joshua. On those rare occasions when his father was home, Ross was glad to see him and tried to interact with him on a very basic level. That was unless he brought a friend with him. There were times when Joshua would arrive with some woman on his arm to keep him company. Sometimes it was only for a few hours; sometimes the night. On those occasions, Ross would stay close to Jud, sleeping in the box bed off the kitchen.

Perhaps it was seeing that lack of interest in family as he was growing up that drew Ross to Demelza and her plight now. While he knew that Agatha and Verity were living at Trenwith, so that physically Demelza was not alone, he got the impression that emotionally she was as lonely as he. Having people around does fill the void that comes when you don't have a one on one connection with another human being. Ross thought he had that kind of relationship with Elizabeth but how wrong he was. He knew Demelza had it somewhat with Francis but now that was gone as well. It seemed that the Poldark cousin-in-laws were now in the same position of finding themselves alone to rebuild their lives. Lives they thought were set and on a steady course until fate decided to come and visit. Ross was drawn out of his self evaluation by the gruff voice of Harris Pascoe.

"I'm sorry it's taking so long, Ross but I wasn't prepared to be discussing the fate of Trenwith with you. Nat Pearce just dropped off the papers this morning," Pascoe said. His statement was honest with an air of apology.

"Neither did I Harris. The last thing I thought we'd be discussing would be Francis' estate. If anything I thought I'd be here about…." Ross was about to say something about his situation with Elizabeth but thought better of it. Especially since he didn't know what that situation was. Harris nodded and finally pulled out a parchment that seemed to be a will.

"Ah, here it is," he said pulling out a large tinted sheet with cursive writing. "Thankfully, Francis had the fore thought to make a will once he married Miss Carne."

Ross was surprised as well that Francis had thought that far in advance. Perhaps he had some sense that things would change but either way this should make things easier for Demelza if her future was settled.

"Well, what did my cousin arrange?" Ross asked. His curiosity was piqued.

"It seems that Francis did outline that his estate would, as is the basic law, go to his first born so long as that offspring is a male heir." Pascoe paused to take his glasses off and wipe them clean on a handkerchief before continuing. "Since there is no heir the estate is passed to the next male in the family. That would be you my boy." The elder man sat back watching Ross for some sort of reaction.

Ross was stunned. He had some inkling of the laws of the land that only male members of families can inherit property, but he didn't correlate that with this situation. Especially since Demelza was pregnant. Harris didn't know that and now Ross would have to let someone else in on Demelza's secret.

"Harris, I don't think that is exactly the case here," Ross said slowly. Pascoe leaned in to more fully pay attention to what Ross was saying.

"I don't understand. The only remaining Poldarks are Francis's widow, Verity, Miss Agatha and yourself. By all accounts you are…" Pascoe didn't get a chance to finish.

"Francis' widow is with child," Ross blurted out.

The banker took off his glasses and stood, silently walking to the sideboard to pour himself draught of port. Downing it in one swallow he turned back to Ross and said simply, "That changes everything."

"I know. So now what do we do? I don't want Demelza-I mean Francis's wife-upset in her condition." Ross tempered the way he spoke about Demelza because he didn't need his feelings being questioned.

"Nothing. For now you are trustee of Francis's estate and presumed heir. When Mrs. Poldark delivers her child we will have to reassess the inheritance. If she delivers a son, he would be the rightful heir to Trenwith, Grambler and all other holdings in Francis' name."

"I see." Ross was non committal.

"However, if she delivers a daughter the will stands as is. You would remain the heir to Trenwith and everything else."

Ross contemplated this and realized he was not prepared to deal with all that this entailed. He also didn't want to displace Demelza or his family from the home they've lived in for generations. A thought came to him then.

"Harris? Since we don't know what the final outcome is going to be until after Demelza has her child, can't things remain as they are? I mean, Demelza, Verity and Aunt Agatha living in Trenwith? I have Nampara and don't need a home like that." He was sincere in his query and hoped it could be done.

"My boy, why would you want to remain in a rundown farm when you could have your family's ancestral home? Wouldn't Elizabeth prefer to move in there?"

Ross's hackles rose at the mention of his estranged wife. He had wanted to avoid that topic but now that Harris mention it he had to come clean.

"Elizabeth is not a factor in this. She and I…well, let's just say things are complicated at the moment and I would like Elizabeth to not be included in anything that happens regarding Francis' estate and most especially his widow." Ross was adamant in his statement and Pascoe knew better than to question him. If there was one trait the Poldarks had is that they are stubborn and pig headed once an idea takes root.

"Ross, I understand your need to protect Mrs. Poldark, but that might not be possible."

"Why? It has nothing to do with Elizabeth. Can't we keep the facts of Francis' will between us for now until after the baby comes?" Ross was now pleading because he knew if Elizabeth heard that Trenwith had come to him, she might want a piece of that inheritance. And after their encounter at the funeral, all Ross wanted was for her to move on as she's promised. Ross sat hunched over, his elbows on the desk, twisting his fingers.

Harris got the impression that something else was going on with his old friend's son other than just wanting to protect Demelza Poldark. He needed to get to the bottom of it if he was going to help him at all.

"Ross? Is there something else going on that you're not telling me? Something that perhaps has nothing to do with Francis' death?" Harris saw a cloud pass over Ross' face as he sat back in his chair and waited for an answer.

Ross looked up and straightened in his chair. He knew that to keep Elizabeth away from Demelza and Trenwith he would need to tell Harris the truth about the state of his marriage. He was not proud of what he was going to say but knew it had to be told.

"Yes, Harris there is," Ross stated. He had resolved to get the truth out so that he could devise a plan that will not jeopardize Demelza, her child or her future and that will still send Elizabeth on her way.

"What is it Ross? You seem distressed. More so than just mourning your cousin," Harris said, concern in his voice.

"It's my marriage," Ross said. "It's over. Elizabeth wants, no is, leaving me. I believe she and George Warleggan have made plans. I don't know what they are yet but I expect I'll hear shortly. This is why I wanted to keep the information about the estate quiet."

Harris contemplated what Ross had just told him and he hated to admit it, but the young man was right. Any suspicion of the change in Ross' financial status and his spouse could move to claim a portion of it. Or at the least, request something in return for her moving forward to end the marriage.

"Ross, are you sure your marriage is over? Divorce is difficult to obtain not to mention the scandal that would accompany it. Are you prepared to face all that?"

Harris was sincere and the concern in his voice was clear. Ross saw that and took a moment to digest what he was suggesting. Divorce would be a first for the Poldark family and under other circumstances, he might be able to let Elizabeth leave him and go off with George and he would remain a married, yet unmarried man. That would be the typical choice for most in his social circle. Except for one wrinkle in that theory: he was developing very real and deep feelings for Demelza. Logically, he knew that it was unlikely that anything could or even should become of it but his heart hoped for a different outcome. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind Ross believed that with Elizabeth gone and out of his life, Demelza could come into it. He knew that this was a foolish and almost schoolboy thought, but still, it was a feeling that would not leave him alone. Ever since he met the gritty red head, something drew him to her. It was a connection that was unbidden and came from its own power source. Their kiss on the beach a few months ago was born out of need for emotional contact and a mutual attraction. Ross knew that and he believed Demelza knew it as well but because of their shared love of Francis, had done nothing to cultivate it.

Now with the change in circumstance could they pursue something more? Ross knew it was too soon to mention anything to Demelza. The funeral was barely over and he was already thinking of a future with his cousin's widow. How selfish was that?

"Ross?"

Coming out of his head, Ross looked up at Harris Pascoe and gave a weak smile.

"Yes Harris. I have thought about it. And I would rather live alone and with a scandal over my head than share my life with someone who doesn't want me. And who I no longer want."

Ross was unwavering in this and saying it out loud made it a conviction. Harris nodded his head, seeing that Ross was serious about his change in personal status. He was not going to tell him how difficult this could be for him.

"Then we will do what you wish. And, my friend, I will be here for you if you need anything."

Ross appreciated the gesture and smiled kindly at the older man. Now all he had to do was tell Demelza what the plan was and hope that Elizabeth would soon be gone. Then perhaps both he and his cousin's widow could rebuild their respective lives. Preferably together

Demelza left through the side door of Trenwith in hopes that she could get some much needed time alone. While she adored Verity and Aunt Agatha and appreciated their concern, she needed some space to think. Closing the door quietly, Demelza pulled the shawl tighter around her shoulders, clutching it to her breast. She walked over the slightly damp grass towards the chicken coop. It was her favorite part of the grounds because it was out of sight of the house and a place where she could get lost.

Now as she crossed the grounds she looked around at the expanse of the property and realized just how much there was to Trenwith and how much was now going to fall to her to oversee. And she had no idea how she was going to learn and manage that. Francis had not shared any of the business part of the estate, or the mine or their tenants. That was men's work. Unfortunately, there were no men left in the Poldark family. _Except for Ross,_ Demelza thought. He was the only relative that might know about how to manage things. And after listening to Verity and Agatha as well as some others after the funeral, it seemed that by legal right, Francis's estate might actually go to Ross as the sole male heir. That was if there was no will, though even if there was it that might still be the case because of the rules of the court. She might be uneducated but she knew when people were whispering behind her back.

In all honesty, Demelza was not that concerned about it because she knew that Ross wouldn't do anything to hurt her or the family. She was sure that he would look out for her best interest and the best interest of her child. Her hand involuntarily slid to her waist, still not showing any sign of her condition for which she was extremely grateful. The last thing she needed was for family or friends to discuss her present state. Demelza kept walking through the grove of trees until she reached the clearing where the family cemetery was. She paused before the low stone wall and glanced at the worn headstones scattered amongst the overgrown grass. In the middle of those was a mound of fresh dirt still unmarked as no stone had been erected yet. It was Francis's.

Demelza walked slowly to the gravesite, a sudden chill running through her so that she pulled the shawl tighter around her shoulders. Coming face to face with the last resting place of her husband, she felt a sense of disbelief. Was she really a widow at this young age? A year ago she thought her whole life was laid out before her, ready for the taking. Now she had to remap that life to fit the life that she carried within in her. She knelt by the pile of earth and said a silent prayer. Looking up she made a mental note to ask Ross about a headstone. She had no idea where she should go for one. Demelza stood and walked past the other markers of the Poldark family. She was curious as to who was laid here since the last time she visited her mind was elsewhere. Next to Francis' was his father Charles. Further down the row she saw the headstone of Ross's father, Joshua and next to him, his mother. Unlike the others there was some sort of writing in a language she didn't recognize. She bent down to take a closer look when she heard footsteps behind her.

"Well, if it isn't the Widow Poldark."

Demelza stood and turned to see Elizabeth standing at the edge of the yard, dressed to the nines with a cold and bitter look to her face. She moved slowly towards Ross's wife.

"Elizabeth? I'm surprised to see you here," Demelza said, trying to sound pleasant but feeling totally ill at ease. It wasn't that she had ever had an issue with her but she could never get over the feeling that Elizabeth always looked down her nose at Demelza.

"I'm sure. You're quite right that cemeteries are not usually the place I socialize in but I was passing this way. I only stopped because I saw someone here and I was curious as to who would be interested in the Poldark family history." Her voice was unemotional which Demelza found disconcerting. As she looked at this well bred, beautiful woman she wondered how Ross could love and marry someone who appeared to have no heart.

"I see Francis doesn't have a headstone yet. Typical Poldark trait; taking their time to get something done," Elizabeth said, the sarcasm overwhelming.

"Actually, I was waiting to decide what kind of stone to choose. I just haven't had a chance to discuss it with the rest of the family." Demelza's voice was soft but sure. She was not going to let this woman, who apparently was miserable in her own life, ruin hers.

"You mean you haven't had a chance to discuss it with Ross."

Demelza's eyes widened at that statement. She was incredulous at the amount of hate this woman seemed to have for her. That attitude made Demelza determined to stand her ground and not allow Elizabeth Poldark to get to her.

"Actually yes. As this is a Poldark family cemetery I thought it only right that Ross help choose what type of headstone should be made. Is there anything wrong with that Elizabeth?" She felt her own sarcasm coming to the surface but did nothing to stop it.

Elizabeth was taken aback at the way Francis' little mining brat spoke. She never thought she had it in her since she always came across as a simple little urchin who saw an opportunity to marry up and took it. Staring at the tall redhead, Elizabeth thought how unfortunate it was that Francis' died so that his widow didn't have a chance to actually live the kind of life being married to a Trenwith Poldark could provide; just as she was disappointed by her marriage to his cousin Ross. Elizabeth was so sure that someone with Ross's looks and personality would be powerful and successful she jumped at the chance to finally marry him on his return. Almost immediately after taking her vows did she realize the mistake she made. She wondered if this Mistress Poldark regretted her decision as well.

"I imagine you're sorry you married Francis' now, aren't you?" Elizabeth was goading her into admitting that she was just as unhappy as she herself was.

"Not in the least. Francis and I were happy," Demelza said. Then after a pause, said "And we loved each other."

Elizabeth picked up on the hesitation and revealed a small smirk. She knew that this woman was not the unflailing devoted wife she was made out to be; this proved it.

"I'm glad," Elizabeth responded. " I thought the same too when I married Ross. However now I've come to see that we are too different and that our personalities are not meant to be together."

Demelza found this conversation curious and was once again feeling uncomfortable. What was Elizabeth getting at?

"You see my dear, I have observed how my husband looks at you. And just the same, I've seen how you engage with my husband. I'm sure you're secretly glad that Francis's is gone, aren't you? That way you can pursue Ross. Isn't that right?"

"Elizabeth I never-" Demelza was dumbstruck at the suggestion. She could easily have leapt across the grass and tackled this woman to ground, but she restrained herself and remembered where she was and who she was. And that she had her child to consider.

"Please Demelza. I'm no fool. And believe it or not, neither is Ross. Contrary to his actions at times. I know he has feelings for you as well so as it turns out, you might be able to get what you've coveted."

Now she felt Elizabeth was talking in riddles so Demelza was thoroughly confused. What was she going on about? She liked Ross and was grateful to him but she certainly wasn't going to be a home wrecker. Elizabeth must be mad.

"I can see by your face that you've no idea what I'm talking about. I'm surprised. I thought you and Ross had long conversations about our marriage." Elizabeth stepped closer to Demelza so she could speak softer and directly to her. "Well my dear, it turns out that while your marriage ended by the death of your spouse, my marriage to Ross has died on its own. In the next few months or weeks if it can be arranged, Ross and I will be divorced."

Demelza was shocked at her news. She had never heard of anyone getting divorced even in the gentry. It was something that only the very rich or influential could obtain. And she knew that Ross was neither of those.

"What do you mean Elizabeth? You're leaving Ross?" Her voice betrayed her as she sounded more than a little interested in this situation. Elizabeth saw that as well.

"I can see I've intrigued you. Yes, I'm leaving Ross."

"How? Why?" Demelza questioned.

"It's very simple. I don't love him. And I'm fairly certain he doesn't love me either. Besides I've found someone who can take care of me the way I deserve."

Demelza listened and then realized that she had seen Elizabeth being very close to George Warleggan. Of course. It made sense. He had power, money , and an estate. Everything Elizabeth could want. And if her instincts were right, they didn't love each other and were both quite proud of their mean streaks. A perfect match.

"George Warleggan," she blurted out.

Elizabeth was impressed with the girl's intuition and smiled.

"Very good. And people said you were unschooled and simple. I can see they underestimate you." Elizabeth walked around her as if to inspect and came to stand in front of her again. "So you see my dear, you needn't worry too much longer about your plight."

Demelza tilted her head as if to question what she meant. Elizabeth gave her an exasperated look.

"Oh my lord, can I make it any clearer? I'm done with Ross. You're welcome to him."

With a nod of her head and the slightest curtsy, Elizabeth walked away, leaving Demelza in the midst of the familial headstones, contemplating what Ross's wife had just done. Did she hear her right? Did she say she was divorcing Ross and releasing him to her? What did this mean? Did she even care?

Who was she kidding? Of course Demelza cared. She cared more than she wanted to admit. But apparently Elizabeth already knew this. What was she to do? She needed to talk to Ross.


	15. Chapter 15

Trying Not to Love You-15

 _Ross and George Fight; George knows that Demelza is pregnant and threatens to tell everyone it's his baby._

Ross road back to Nampara to rest and change before heading over to Trenwith to talk with Demelza. He needed to tell her what Harris Pascoe said about Francis' will as well as explain why he had to reveal her condition to the banker as well. As he entered the yard he saw an unknown steed tied up by the front gate. Dismounting, he walked into the house through the kitchen where he came upon Prudie, grumbling as she put up a pot of tea. Hearing footsteps, she turned around coming face to face with her master.

"Prudie, whose horse is that?" Ross asked.

"Mr. Warleggan, sur. Said he come to see you about something important. I would have sent for 'ee but I didn't know where you be," she stammered out.

Ross stiffened at the mention of George's name and he could only guess that he was here to discuss the situation with Elizabeth. He left his satchel and hat on the table before going to greet his guest. Ross walked into the parlor and saw George standing by the spinet, fingering the keys and then lifting them to inspect the dust that came off on them. He stood watching as George took out a monogrammed handkerchief and wiped his hands, a look of disdain on his face. Ross coughed to make his presence known making George jump slightly which amused Ross.

"Ross," George began to say. "I didn't mean to intrude but I thought it time that we spoke about our mutual situation."

Ross moved to the cabinet and poured himself some rum. He did not offer any to George, certain that he would turn his nose up at anything that came from the trade. Walking past his guest, Ross sat down on the settle, crossed his legs and waited for George to speak. He was sure there would be plenty said and he was sure what it would be about.

"Our mutual situation? I'm not sure what you're talking about George," Ross said, his tone less than friendly.

Of course Ross knew what he was talking about but wanted him to start the discussion. George strode across the room as if he were a prize cock ready to fight another rooster in the pen. Brushing the seat, George sat down opposite Ross and gave him a smug look. Ross stayed silent waiting to hear what Warleggan had to say, knowing that whatever it was would come out as pompous as he looked.

"You know that Elizabeth has been unhappy with you for some time and that she and I have become-close," George started.

"She has mentioned something to that affect, yes." Ross was working hard to keep his emotions in check because what he really wanted to do was take George by the throat and punch him.

George was surprised at Ross's reserved nature. He was prepared for a fight or at least some sign of being insulted at finding out he'd be cuckolded. Instead he was faced with an extraordinarily calm rival for Elizabeth and that was throwing George off his game. He would have to find a way to rattle Ross if not to get a reaction, at the least for his own amusement.

"It seems that the life you have given Elizabeth is not exactly what she felt she was promised when you married. Looking around your-estate—I can see why she would think that," George said with an air of superiority.

"Well, George, she knew what I was before I went to war and unfortunately, when my father took ill and was left to his own devices, circumstances changed. Granted that I have not recovered as quickly as I thought I would from that setback but things are turning around."

George admired Ross's attempt at seeming optimistic but got the feeling it was all for show.

"That could be, Ross, however, Elizabeth has gotten tired of waiting for that. Besides, I think your attentions to Francis' estate and widow might have her feeling you're neglecting her and your own affairs."

Ross stiffened in his seat. George knew the topic of the newly widowed Mistress Poldark would get his hackles up and fought the urge to smile. Casting a downward glance to the floor, a smirk did appear, not seen by Ross as he spoke.

"It's true I have been paying attention to Deme-Francis's widow—because as the only male relative it's my duty. However, Elizabeth had already decided that our marriage was not what she wanted. Or more to the point, _I_ was not what she wanted. You must have sensed that George because you wasted no time in rescuing her from this life of drudgery."

Ross rose to pour himself another drink. Standing at the cabinet, he offered George one as well.

"Would you like a glass, George? It's imported although maybe not gotten by the same means as your liquor," Ross said, challenging the other man.

"No thank you. Why don't we stop with the niceties and just get down to business?"

George waited for Ross to return to the settle opposite him so this discussion could continue. Ross walked back around the room and got comfortable, fingering his glass of rum.

"So George, what exactly do we need to discuss? Seems Elizabeth has made a decision with your help so now it's just a question of the next step. As you have pointed out several times, I have neither the means or ability to give her what she wants so I presume that will be left to you."

"Precisely. You couldn't give her what she wanted during your marriage and now it seems you are unable to help free her from the same dire mistake."

Ross bristled at that comment but still did not feed the taunt. Instead he took the opposite route.

"You're right George. So how do you propose we fix this? I do want Elizabeth to get what she wants. And as quickly as possible."

George, still thrown by Ross's calm demeanor, wasn't quite sure how to proceed and so took the angle he thought best. Attack someone other than Ross.

"I'm sure you do want it over with. Considering the condition of your cousin in law," George said with his perennial air of superiority.

That got Ross's attention and made him sit up as he leaned towards the other man, waiting for the explanation. He knew that George meant something more than just concern for Demelza. He just couldn't determine what that was.

"Condition? What condition would that be George?" Ross asked trying with all his might to not let his emotions reveal anything more than curiosity.

"The condition of her being with child. Too bad Francis won't be here for the raising of it. But perhaps that is best. If the child isn't his," George said with a slightest smirk.

"What do you mean George?" Ross's calm demeanor was slowly evaporating. He clenched the glass and before it snapped in his hand he put it down on the table next to him. He then stood with his back to George, and his hands on the mantle.

"Come now, Ross. I've heard things and I have ways of finding out what's going on in the county. You didn't think this would stay quiet for long. It's clear that you and the other Mistress Poldark have gotten, shall we say, close? Even before Francis' untimely death. Surely you don't mean to tell me that you did not make some overture towards her. She is, after all, a common miner's daughter. I'm sure her scruples are less than above board."

George had barely gotten the last word out when Ross lunged, grabbing him by the collar of his coat and pulling him up to face him, their noses just short of touching.

"I don't know what you think you are doing, George, but leave Demelza out of this. My marriage, or whatever it is Elizabeth and I have, is none of her concern."

Ross kept him in his grasp as he waited for George to respond.

"Ross! Let go!" George cried and Ross pushed him away in disgust.

George brushed his coat and straightened up before continuing. He was not going to be deterred by Ross's barbarian behavior.

"You're right that the Widow Poldark might not have anything to do with your marriage but it could make dissolving it quite messy. If Elizabeth believed that you had been unfaithful before she moved out, well, then, you would be culpable for the divorce. And I'm sure you can't afford that."

He stood there, staring Ross down, knowing that he was right and knowing that Ross had no argument to counter his claim. George bided his time as he watched Ross and saw that his mind was working through scenarios.

Ross took a few deep breaths and tried to gather his thoughts. His first instinct was to throw him out of his house and forget this whole thing. However, the logical part of him knew that he wanted this sham of a marriage to Elizabeth to end so that he could free himself from this nightmare and possibly move forward with his life. Whether that included Demelza or not was yet to be determined.

"You're right George about not having means to facilitate this divorce but I would appreciate it if we leave Francis' widow out of this. Her condition and my relationship with her have nothing to do with Elizabeth and my marriage. It never has. That can't be said about you now can it? My wife is living on your estate, by your invitation and her own will. Now if I was a vindictive type person I could try and use that to my advantage, couldn't I?"

Now it was Ross's turn to give George a knowing smirk while he contemplated that statement. Ross walked around the room to look out the window at his small, but decent property and he realized he was deluded to think Elizabeth would ever be happy here. But someone else might. Shaking that inappropriate thought from his mind, he turned back to George and leaned against the table prepared to make George the offer.

"George, let's agree that we both want to satisfy Elizabeth. I couldn't in my way during our marriage but I'm guessing that you have been able to, with whatever tactics you felt necessary. I'm not one to question and at this point I really have no right to ask. So what is the solution?"

George walked towards Ross who prepared for another nose to nose confrontation which didn't come.

"I have connections with the magistrates as you know so getting a writ of some sort shouldn't take long."

"Go on. I'm sure you have more to add," Ross said.

"There might be some need for a settlement but seeing as how you have nothing to offer I won't pursue that."

"That's very generous George. But I'm sure there's some other stipulation."

George was surprised Ross was so astute as to pick up his intentions but didn't dwell on that as he wanted to be done and out of Ross's company swiftly; the afternoon had turned tiresome.

"Yes. Seeing as Francis left no male heir, so far as we know, that would make you heir to Trenwith. And as such, give Elizabeth right to part of that estate as well. So she could, if she wanted, lay claim to that as part of a settlement to dissolve this marriage."

Ross was again seeing red. This upstart poodle with his frilly shirts and stiffly waved hair was grating on his last nerve. He wanted him gone and out of his house so he could go and speak to Demelza to alert her to what was happening. More importantly he had to make sure that she was not dragged through this mess no matter what the cost to him.

"George, nothing has been finalized about Francis' estate and as you said Demelza is with child so if that child is a boy, the estate becomes his. Not mine. I'm not willing to wait for that to end this marriage and I doubt Elizabeth is either. Nor you for that matter. I'm sure you would like to move forward with whatever you and Elizabeth have planned already. So let's just get on with that, shall we?"

Pushing past George, Ross again walked around the room, needing to get away from his guest. His cologne was now reeking and making him nauseous so he opened a window, ignoring the chill in the air. He saw George resigning to that notion and felt a small taste of victory. Perhaps there was some comment sense in this man after all.

"You make a sound point, Ross. Elizabeth is anxious to end this and move on. Therefore, I will make the petition to dissolve the marriage and then we can sail on the next available ship."

Ross's eyes widened at his declaration. He couldn't believe that he'd won.

"Sail? Where are you two going? France?"

George liked that Ross was still curious about their intentions and so felt obligated to feed that.

"No actually. The Americas. I feel that I can make quite a fortune in the states and who am I to pass up a chance to take advantage of a new land."

Ross tried to hide is surprise but then again shouldn't have been surprised that George's greed was now being directed at a young country still finding its footing and anxious to welcome settlers. He was also surprised that Elizabeth would agree to leave Cornwall and England all together.

"Well that is interesting. And Elizabeth is agreeable to this?" Ross asked.

"Beyond agreeable. A chance to conquer a new continent with beauty and charm and all I can give her? She'd be a fool to turn it down. And we both know Elizabeth is no fool," George proclaimed with great pride.

"That is true."

Ross was beginning to feel a slight air of ease that this debacle might actually be coming to an end. While he was sure that George was still holding a card close to his vest he was glad that the first step towards freedom was near. The goal now was to get whatever legal paperwork executed so that George and Elizabeth could leave Cornwall. Ross was sure that once they were gone and that black cloud followed them across the ocean that he and Demelza would be able to start over.

"So George, how fast can you get the paperwork drawn up so I can have my barrister take a look?"

George did not think that Ross would bother with having the divorce documents looked by another party. That would make it difficult for George to include some obscure clause or stipulation connected to Trenwith and Francis's estate. It was still in his mind to try and get a piece of that for his own coffers. That being neither here nor there, what George really wanted was Elizabeth free so that he could possess her completely, body and soul. Not that she had withheld anything from him in the month that she'd been ensconced in his home, but George knew that at any given time she could change her mind and come back to this destitute rogue and his decrepit estate. And George, not liking to lose, was not going to let that happen. He needed to expedite this divorce and get Elizabeth out of the country.

He smiled at Ross and offered a hand, which Ross reluctantly took.

"I will have Tankard draw up the agreement today and send it over for you to review. I'm sure you'll find it will be uncomplicated so that we can all get this over with."

Still wary of George's acquiescence, Ross nodded and smiled, knowing that he would have Pascoe and Pearce review it with a fine tooth comb before signing.

"That sounds fine George. Now if you will excuse me, I have other matters to attend to. Let me show you out," Ross said, putting a hand to George's back and gently guided him towards the door. Once outside and at the gate, George pulled on his riding gloves and hat, while turning to Ross.

"I'm sure this is the best for all concerned. Including Francis's widow," he said.

"How so George?" Ross knew there was just still some other barb on Warleggan's tongue so he waited for its release.

George mounted his horse and as he gathered the reins said, "Once you're free you can make an honest woman of her so that her child is not deemed a bastard."

With that he spurred the horse and road off, leaving Ross fuming. No matter what he needed to sign or do to get George Warleggan out of his life, he would do it. Not dwelling on that any longer he went inside and prepared for his visit to Trenwith. The sooner he got to Demelza and filled her in on everything that was going on and how it could affect her and the baby the better.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

 _Ross goes to see Demelza tells her about will and people knowing about her condition. He becomes jealous of workers helping Demelza. They fight about why she doesn't ask him for help. Tells him she doesn't need him to take care of his own wife and life._

"When you're done with the hen house, can you boys help clear some of these branches? I think some of them might be good for kindling once they're treated."

Demelza was calling to the young men she hired from the village to help her with chores around Trenwith. Wearing one of her old frocks and apron with her hair tied up with a strip of cloth she looked like the young maiden Francis fell in love with and married. She had rolled up her sleeves and after taking a survey of the land to see what needed tending, she dug in to get the job done. Since Francis's death, much had been left alone; not intentionally but because there was no desire to care for Trenwith. Now that she was most likely trustee to the estate, she felt it needed to be cared for just as she was caring for the child she carried. It was only fair to Francis to nurture the things he loved or would have loved if given the chance.

She was in the vegetable garden, pulling some weeds when she heard the sound of hooves approaching. Unable to see the path from where she crouched, she didn't pay much attention to it. If it was someone looking for her, Tabb or Verity would surely come find her. Turning her attention to the rows of greenery, Demelza was oblivious that someone had entered the garden until she saw a shadow over her shoulder.

"Demelza, what are you doing?"

She stopped in mid pull to turn and look up at the source of the voice even though she knew who it was before seeing his face. His tricorn and the sun in her eyes obscured her vision but there was no mistaking the body.

"Ross," she said sweetly. "I didn't expect to see you."

Demelza started to rise when she felt his strong hands grasp her arm to help her up.

"Thank you."

She brushed her skirt and wiped her brow with the back of her gloved hand, leaving a smudge of dirt in its place. Ross stared at her for a moment, waiting for an explanation as to what she was doing. He could not imagine what a woman in her position and in her condition would be doing working in the garden. And yet knowing Demelza as he thought he did, Ross knew that she was not the type to idly sit by to crochet or sip tea. Not like Elizabeth who assumed marrying a Poldark would bring exactly that kind of life.

"Demelza, what on earth are you doing working in the garden like this? Have you no sense to take care of yourself? Especially in your condition?"

Demelza looked at him and was put off by his disapproving attitude as well as his assumption that she would do anything to put herself or her child in danger. She was annoyed at the fact that he seemed to feel he had a right to tell her what to do. Since when was that any of his business? He might be her cousin by marriage but that did not make him her keeper.

"I'm flattered at your concern for me Ross but I think I know what I'm doing and how to take care of myself. I was just preparing the garden for the next planting. Francis had let some of the staff go and Tabb is too old do this sort of work. Besides, I'm a miner's daughter and I've got an inbred instinct to survive and work hard. This is nothing for me."

"Demelza you know I would come and help you anytime you need it. You just have to say the word."

She smiled at him in that warm way that made Ross take notice. Pulling the gloves off her hands she took his and held it lightly.

"I know Ross. I'm grateful that you are so close that if I do need help I just have to call. It's time I learn how to maintain Trenwith on my own. Francis always protected me and did things without my knowing. And I loved him for it. But that's not me. I have grown up learning that hard work is what makes us stronger and I want to set a good example for my child."

She let go of Ross's hand and placed her own on her lower abdomen. Ross watched and saw for the first time the tiniest of swellings. He saw the brightness in her face and couldn't be mad at her. He admired her determination and her gritty attitude.

"Come, let's go inside and have some tea. I'm sure you didn't come here just to scold me for playing in the dirt," she said lightly.

"Actually tea would be nice. Besides I have to tell you about my meeting with Pascoe. About Francis's will," Ross said his tone serious.

Demelza stopped where she was to turn and look at him. She could see his face was solemn and that whatever came out of that meeting was going to affect both of them in some way. Demelza wasn't sure how she knew this except that it was a feeling she had.

"You're scaring me a little cousin. Is it bad news?"

Ross saw the smile fade and her brow furrow as she tried to figure out what could possibly be going on. He was about to tell her when he heard male voices in the distance. Looking towards the sound he saw two tall and gangly young men walking their way. His peripheral vision caught Demelza waving broadly at them and he wondered just who these men were.

"Demelza, who are those men?"

As they came close to where he and Demelza stood, Ross could see they were young and strapping with great big grins and Ross didn't like them. He turned towards Demelza and saw that she was anxiously waiting for them to approach; he didn't like that either. If he were being honest, Ross would have to admit to feeling a tinge of jealousy watching this scene. Suddenly the taller of the two was at her side. His eyes were dark, like his straight and messy hair. While Ross stared at this man the slightly shorter one came up to join them. This one had curly hair that fell wildly over his eyes, also a dark brown. He wondered if they were brothers as the both shared the same look and stance.

"Demelza! We've finished repairing the hen house and gathered the kindling like you asked. Was there anything else you needed done today?"

It was the taller, older looking one who spoke. His voice was gentle and kind. Ross's immediate dislike was reinforced.

"Thank you Sam. Make sure you and Drake stop by the kitchen and get some cake and tea before you go. I can't thank you enough for all your help," Demelza said sweetly.

Ross was becoming more and more uncomfortable at her familiarity with these men and wanted to know exactly who they were.

"Demelza, I didn't know you hired extras hands for Trenwith," he said with just an air of disdain. Turning to her new friends he said, "Where are you from? I don't seem to remember seeing you around here before."

Ross waited for a reply while Demelza gave Ross a sideways glance. She heard his tone and wondered why he was behaving in such an odd manner.

"We're from Illugan, where Demelza, I mean, Mrs. Poldark is from. We knew her back when she lived there and heard that maybe she might be needin' some help since her husband passed." Again it was the taller one that spoke first.

"Actually, we be hopin' to get some work in one of the mines around here. You don't happen to know if there are pitches available, do you?" Now the shorter one with the curly hair spoke. His look vaguely reminded Ross of himself before he went to war, with wide open eyes and a grin that he could see was directed solely at Demelza.

Ross turned to see her watching him and his reaction to these men. For whatever reason he couldn't raise a smile to give her. He was suspicious of these boys, for that is really all they were and he didn't like that Demelza just opened her home to them, friends from Illugan or not.

"Well that might be difficult. Most mines are struggling around here these days. Including my own and Mrs. Poldark's. You might be better off going back to Illugan to find work."

"Ross! What a thing to say. I've known Sam and Drake since we were children and I told them I would do what I could. I hoped that maybe you would see if there were positions at Leisure."

Demelza's face was one of gentle pleading, and it caught Ross unawares. It was clear she held affection for these people from her past but he couldn't determine why she was asking him for help.

"Demelza, I don't know what I can do. Leisure is not producing as much as I hoped so I doubt…" he stammered as he controlled his emotions.

"What about Grambler? I don't know what state it is in but perhaps there is something there?"

Demelza pulled him aside and reached up to whisper in his ear. The closeness of her body, her breast pressed against his arm and her breath wafting towards him weakened his resolve and reminded him of the attraction he had for her.

"Please Ross, they've come all this way and I don't want to send them home without any hope. Can't you see if Grambler might be an option for them?"

Looking into her big blue eyes he found himself hard pressed to deny her this simple request. And what was she asking for anyway? Just to help someone less fortunate than herself; something he would do and had done in the past. Her generosity of heart even when she was going through a trying time herself was amazing and gave Ross one more thing to love about his cousin in law.

Shaking that last thought from his mind he nodded to Demelza as he said, "Alright. I'll see what the status is at Grambler. Perhaps there is something we can do."

He made sure to emphasize the word 'we' so that Demelza knew he would leave this for her to handle alone.

"Thank you," she said softly. She walked the few steps back to the boys who were engrossed in some conversation and oblivious to what had transpired between Ross and her.

"Sam! Drake! Ross said he will see what he can do at his mine and at Grambler. It may not be right away so it might be a good idea for you to stay near here until things get settled."

Demelza was so optimistic and genuine, that Ross couldn't be cross with her. If they were going to stay he was going to make sure it wasn't here at Trenwith.

"Do you boys have lodging somewhere?" Ross asked.

Sam and Drake looked at each other, realizing for the first time they hadn't thought about that. This time it was the younger one, Drake, who spoke first.

"Um no sur, we hadn't about that," he said. Ross could see his question embarrassed them and the last thing he wanted was to upset Demelza by being unkind to her friends.

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that either. I'm afraid it wouldn't be seemly for you to stay in the house and all our tenant property is occupied," she said. A thought came to her suddenly, and again she looked to Ross for assistance. He caught her look and knew exactly what she was going to ask him.

"Demelza," he tried to say under his breath. "This is too much. I can't have them at Nampara. Not with everything going on."

"Of course not. I know that. But Verity mentioned that you had some empty cottages on your tenant land. Maybe there is something there that would be suitable?"

Taking a deep breath, Ross could not ignore her tender plea. She was right he did have a cottage or two that was empty and could do with having occupants to care for it. How did this woman get to him so easily?

"Fine Demelza. There is a cottage at Mellin that is vacant and in need of repair. If you don't mind working to make it presentable, you may stay in it for the time being."

He turned to Demelza and saw her bright smile as she mouthed a "thank you" to him.

Sam and Drake were beyond grateful and went to go hug Demelza when they caught themselves as they remembered she wasn't just a friend of theirs anymore but the lady of a great estate.

"Thank you, sir. Bless you for your kindness. Where is this cottage?" Sam asked.

Ross was glad that he could help these men if it meant making Demelza happy. He still didn't want them hanging around her too much so he would do his damndest to find them work in one of the mines as quickly as possible.

"If you take the road past Trenwith and follow it straight along the cliffs, you will come to a path that will take you to my home, Nampara. Tell my servant that I sent you and he will show you to Mellin."

"Thank you again sir," Drake said. "And thank you Demelza for all you done for us. We will stop by tomorrow again to see if there is anything else you need done."

"Thank you, boys. It was good to see you again. Now best be on your way so you can find your new home before you lose the light," Demelza said.

"The light of God will guide us if we get lost," Sam said.

Ross's eyes widened at that and he gave Demelza a pointed look. What had she gotten him into? The young men took their satchels and started for the house to get the food that Demelza offered earlier. She watched as they walked to the back entrance and once out of sight turned to Ross. Moving closer to him, she leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you, cousin, for helping them. I'll be forever grateful," she said as she backed away. Ross took a moment to compose himself because all he wanted to do at that moment was to take her in his arms and kiss her. Knowing that was impossible he cleared his throat before speaking.

"Don't mention it Demelza. I would do anything for you….and friends of yours," he said.

"I know Ross. Now I think I owe you tea. Let's go into the house and you can tell me why you came to see me in the first place."

They walked side by side across the green lawn, not saying anything. Every few steps Ross turned to look at Demelza and was again taken by her natural beauty and gentle ways. The smile from earlier still graced her face in contentment as she strode easily next to him. The urge to take her hand as they walked was strong, but Ross resisted. It was still too soon after Francis's death to even contemplate making such a move. That coupled with the news that Harris Pascoe told him regarding Francis's will, might make things even more difficult.

As they reached the house, Verity came into view as she opened the door to them.

"Ross! We weren't expecting you today. Have you come to check up on us?" She took his hands in greeting as she led him inside, with Demelza at her side.

"I missed you cousin. But I did come to speak to Demelza about some matters concerning the estate. I hope you don't mind the last minute intrusion," Ross said.

Verity looked from her cousin to her sister in law and recognized that whatever Ross came to discuss was delicate in nature.

"Of course Ross. I will get tea started and bring it to you both. Then I'll leave you to it," she said with the sweet tone that was inherently Verity.

"You're a dear, Verity. Thank you," Demelza said. "But no tea for me. Perhaps just some lemonade." Verity smiled and as she left the room, Demelza felt lightheaded and swayed slightly. Ross saw her falter and glancing quickly towards the door, moved to her side, helping her to a chair.

"Demelza!" Ross cried. "Are you alright? I imagine all that physical labor doesn't help your condition."

As she settled on the sofa, she gave Ross a disapproving look. The last thing Demelza wanted or needed was someone being a mother hen, hovering about and telling her what she could and could not do. It was one of the reasons she still had not told Verity or Aunt Agatha of her condition. Once they knew of, the rest of the household would know and before long so would the whole county. She could imagine gossip mongers, like Ruth Treneglos, taking pleasure in dissecting her situation.

"Ross, I'm fine. Just a little tired, that's all. Besides Sam and Drake have been a godsend helping with things around here," she said. Leaning her head back against the sofa, she closed her eyes and took slow, deep breaths.

"You know you could have called on me and I would have gladly helped Demelza. I don't know why you are turning to people from outside the family for help." He didn't mean to but his tone was scolding, almost angry. At that, her eyes flew open to look at him; she was going to set him straight.

"Ross, I know that you and Verity would be more than willing to help but let's be honest. You are dealing with your own issues and Verity is a lady and should not be called upon to do manual labor."

Ross wanted to know what she met by her statement regarding his own issues when Verity entered with the tea tray and a lemonade for Demelza. Placing it on the table in front of them, she poured and then discreetly left. Verity saw that Demelza looked pale and upset but didn't want to appear nosy. While she and Demelza had become close, there was still that slight distance that kept them from becoming total confidantes. Verity hoped that over time this would be rectified.

Holding the glass but not drinking, Demelza waited for Ross to say something. She knew that he was contemplating her insinuation that she knew something of his life; she could see it in his eyes. He narrowed them as he scanned her face for some hint. Getting none, Demelza decided to start the conversation. He obviously came here with a mission and wanted to know what that was, just as she wanted to know if what Elizabeth had told her was true.

"So, what did Harris Pascoe say? Am I to be turned out from Trenwith and my child left homeless?"

Demelza took a sip of her drink and leaned forward to pick up a biscuit, nibbling at the end as she waited to hear her fate. She was sure that Ross had some dire news regarding Francis and the estate; otherwise he would have come directly from his meeting in Truro.

"No Demelza, you are not to be put out nor will you be homeless. However, things are not as simple as we would have hoped," he said.

"We Ross? Don't you mean me? After all I am Francis' widow and the mother of his child. Doesn't whatever Mr. Pascoe said relate to me only?"

For some reason, Demelza's tone was short and not like her at all. Ross thought perhaps she was tired from work of the day or her condition. Nonetheless, he ignored it and began to explain the situation.

"Demelza, Francis' will was the standard one that most men execute. There were no surprises in it," he said.

"You mean there isn't a hidden treasure in the turret room or under the back stairs?" She tried to joke but could see that Ross was not in the mood.

"I'm sorry. It just seems you're so solemn about whatever the will said and it was making me nervous. Please continue."

She sat back on the sofa, silently sipping her lemonade and waited for him to continue.

"It's fine Demelza. This is not a happy circumstance so don't make any apologies for trying to lighten the mood."

"Thank you for understanding. It's been hard the past weeks trying to make life normal, yet keep my condition quiet. I'm just not ready for anyone else to know. You understand, don't you Ross? This child is the last connection I have to Francis. And for now, I need to keep it just between us."

He could see that she was fighting emotions on many levels. The guilt of not telling Francis before he died that she could be with child; the fear of having to raise a child alone; the frustration of dealing with the town harpies who looked for any reason to talk about another member of their social circle. Ross thought of all these things and then felt the guilt himself for wanting to take her away from this, make a life with her and help her raise her child. But he couldn't. Not yet. Perhaps not ever if his own situation didn't come to pass. That would have to be dealt with later for now he had to tell Demelza that the one thing she wanted to keep to herself was not possible.

"Demelza, Francis' will stated, as is common, that the next male heir would inherit Trenwith. As he didn't have any offspring at the time, that person would be me." Ross didn't say anything else but let her digest that fact.

"Ross? You mean you are now master of Trenwith," she asked.

"Yes, technically. However, I have convinced Pascoe that nothing should be done to change your circumstance or that of Verity and Agatha until a later date."

He paused as he gather the courage to tell her why Pascoe agreed to this unorthodox request.

"How did you manage that?"

Ross moved to sit next to her, taking her hand in his.

"Demelza, I had to tell him of your condition."

"Ross! You promised you would tell no one! How could you?"

She put her glass down and pulled her hand out of his grasp.

"I had to. If I didn't, Trenwith would come to me and then what would we do? I couldn't put you and my family out but it would be expected for me to live here. And then there is the matter of Elizabeth."

"Elizabeth? What has she to do with any of this? Ross, I know I'm uneducated, but you're confusing me. Why did Pascoe need to know and why should I worry about Elizabeth?"

Her tone was stern as she clearly wanted answers.

"Tell me! And don't try to soften it. I want the truth," she demanded.

Ross grew impatient with her and stood walking across the room to look out the window. Taking a breath he turned and faced her.

"Fine Demelza, I'll tell you exactly what is going on. Pascoe needed to know that you were with child because that could change the terms of Francis's will."

"I don't understand," she said.

"If your child is a son, then he would inherit Trenwith and all Francis's assets and you would be trustee of his estate along with me."

Demelza now saw why Ross had to tell Pascoe about the coming child. Now it made sense. Ross could saw she was accepting of the idea and so he continued.

"On the other hand, if the child is a daughter, then the will stands as is and I will become heir of Trenwith and all holdings. However, I told Pascoe that no matter what I was not going to move into here and that you, Verity and Agatha were to remain as if nothing had changed."

"I see. So everything depends on what my child is. And that is why we have to wait to settle things?" she said simply.

"Yes Demelza. Unfortunately everything hangs in limbo until the child is born. I'm sorry it can't be simpler," Ross said apologetically.

"It's not your fault. It's the way life is."

Once again Ross was taken with her calm demeanor in the midst of madness. He was worried that this knowledge would add a burden to her during her pregnancy but she seemed to be handling it fine. Ross would make sure that no additional stress came her way. And by that he meant in the form of Elizabeth. As if she read his mind or saw the change in his stance, Demelza piped in.

"Ross? What did you mean earlier that state of Francis's will, could affect Elizabeth?" she asked.

He was hesitant to go into the state of his marriage but her comment from earlier led him to believe that she knew something.

"Demelza, you mentioned something about not asking for my help because I was dealing with my own issues. What did you mean by that? Have you heard something?"

Ross was pointed in his question and just as she had requested before, relayed that he wanted the truth from her.

"If you must know, Elizabeth mentioned that you and she were-I don't really know how to say it," she said quietly.

"When did you see Elizabeth?" He was curious as to when their paths would have crossed since the funeral.

"I saw her in the cemetery. I was there about Francis's headstone and she came upon me. She said that you and she were no longer going to be married. That as soon as she was able, she was going to divorce you and go off with George Warleggan. Is that true?"

She was sincere in her curiosity because she needed to know if any of their troubles had to do with her as Elizabeth intimated. Ross was furious. Not with the fact that Demelza knew exactly what was going on in his marriage but that Elizabeth dared to be the one to bring her into it. He had wanted to let Demelza know about his soon to be status change but not now; not when she had her own life and the life of her child to worry about. What he had wanted her to know was that he hoped, if the time presented itself that maybe there would be future for them. Together. These thoughts ran through his mind as he looked at his cousin's widow, sitting serenely on the sofa and he was again taken by her simple beauty.

"Yes Demelza. It's true. As soon as it can be arranged by George, Elizabeth and I will end our marriage."

"I'm that sorry for you Ross."

Ross saw the look of pity her eyes at the thought of a marriage ending and admired her ability to put aside any harsh feelings. He was grateful for her concern but knew that he had to tell her the rest of the situation so she could prepare herself for whatever may come.

"Don't be. I've known for a long time that Elizabeth was not happy and neither was I. I only wish I had my own means to take care of this but since I don't I'll let George handle it. It will be the one and only time I let a Warleggan do anything for me."

Demelza smiled at him and he could nothing but smile back. He wondered if she would still be smiling or even speaking to him when he said what he needed to say.

"There's something else Demelza. George knows that you're with child." He said it quickly and without looking at her.

"What? How?" she asked incredulously.

"I don't know how but he's a Warleggan and if they pay the right people or find spies willing to turn on others, they can learn anything, including this. I swear I didn't say anything to anyone other than Pascoe."

"I believe you Ross. It's just-why would he care about my child?" Demelza truly didn't see the implications of George having this information.

Moving back to the sofa, Ross could smell the remnants of the garden in her hair and saw her blue eyes wide with anticipation.

"Because my dear, George could use this against me in these divorce proceedings."

"But how? Ross please I don't understand how any of this concerns him."

"If presented a certain way, George could make it seem that the child you are carrying is not Francis's. That would sully not only your name but the child's. And if Trenwith did come to me, Elizabeth could ask for part or all of the inheritance as part of settlement."

Demelza finally comprehended all the ramifications that came with her pregnancy. Who knew that a child, not yet born, could change the fate of so many people?

"Would he really do that? Would Elizabeth? Doesn't she have any care for you at all?" she said sincerely as she put her hand over his.

Ross looked down their hands and then up at Demelza. Her smile was again sad. He was beginning to feel guilty that this innocent woman was being dragged into his mess of a life.

"Yes he would Demelza. He cares nothing for anyone but himself. And as I have found out too late about my wife, she feels much the same."

Demelza nodded in took her hand back to caress her belly. They were quiet for what seemed like hours but in reality were only a few minutes when she remembered something else Ross had said.

"Ross? What did you mean when you said if there were doubts about this being Francis's child? Who else could be the father?"

Ross said nothing but just stared at Demelza hoping he wouldn't have to say the words.

"Oh my lord! George wants to make it seem that you and I-that you're the father of this child?" she cried. Tears immediately sprung to her eyes which prompted Ross to take her in his arms and hold her.

"Yes. I'm so sorry that you have to be part of this. It was never my intention and if there is any way I can keep you out of this, I will. I promise you that," Ross said.

"Ross why are they so determined to make us miserable? What have I ever done to George? I know why Elizabeth hates me, but George?"

Ross pulled away from her when she mentioned Elizabeth hating her. Why and where would she get that impression? Everyone knew that George hated pretty much everyone and he didn't think Elizabeth cared about Demelza or him enough to expend the energy that was needed to hate someone. Yet she must have said more to Demelza in that cemetery than she related earlier.

"Demelza, you never finished telling me what Elizabeth said to you in the cemetery. Did she tell you she hated you?"

Demelza bowed her head and focused on a loose thread on her skirt, fiddling with it to try and pry it free. She kept at it until Ross put his hands over hers and made her stop.

"Tell me Demelza. What did Elizabeth say to upset you?"

Raising her head slowly she looked into his eyes and once again felt a familiar warmth that, logically, she knew she should put away. However, emotionally, that warmth was at the surface and she struggled to keep it contained so she spoke slowly and ever so softly.

"She said that she saw the way you looked at me. And the way I looked at you."

Ross's gaze didn't waiver and he held hers steadily.

"Go on Demelza. Tell me," he said, his voice extremely controlled.

"She also said that she was sure I was glad Francis was gone because then you and I could-be together."

He felt his blood start to boil and he knew then that the sooner he could get George whatever he needed to end this marriage he would do so.

"My 'wife' does know how to get to people. What else did she say?"

"Well, then she told me about the divorce. And then she said….." Demelza paused.

"What did she say Demelza?" Ross asked.

"She said I was welcome to you."

The words came out quickly and once said, Demelza rose to walk around the room; she needed to put some distance between Ross and her. As much as she hated what Elizabeth said, there was no denying that there was an attraction between the two of them. If they were not careful, what George and Elizabeth had accused them of could become true. And Demelza was determined that her child, that Francis' child, be born into a family of the highest standards with not an inkling of gossip over its head. She would be faithful to the memory of her husband for the sake of her child.

Ross sat on the sofa watching her circle the room to come stand by the window, her back to him. He mulled over what Elizabeth had told Demelza. She was passing him off as if he was a piece of luggage, no longer of use to her but perhaps he could be to someone else. Funny thing was, it didn't surprise or upset him. He always knew that his time with Elizabeth would be short lived once they passed the first few months of marriage. She quickly became someone he didn't know and honestly someone he didn't like. It goes without question that she is beautiful and refined and a perfect mistress of an estate, but not his estate. Nor is she the wife he needs.

No the wife he needs and wants is standing in front of him, looking out the window at an estate that might become the center of a family feud. Except with Elizabeth's statement and George's knowledge, what Ross truly wants in life might be forever out of reach. Then again, he knows that Demelza has feelings for him too so maybe they throw caution to the wind and let themselves love. And then once it's assured that he's free, make a life together.

He rose from the couch and walked to where Demelza stood. Without a word he put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him. Ross looked into Demelza's eyes as she smiled. He took her face in his hands and without waiting for permission, kissed her. Gently at first, his lips barely touching hers until he felt her arms raise and grasp his waist, holding him tightly. Ross heard a slight moan come from Demelza and he increased the pressure of his mouth on hers, his tongue snaking out the try and gain access to meet hers. As if they had been doing this forever, Demelza's lips parted allowing Ross's tongue to touch hers, the ensuing entanglement becoming fevered and desperate. It had been so long since either of them had felt a human connection like the one that was growing between them they fed off each other, neither wanting to let go. Demelza's arms left his waist so her fingers could thread themselves through his hair, while his hands removed the scarf that held her hair up. Without stopping the kiss, his hands tangled into her locks, helping them to fall around her shoulders.

It was that movement that brought Demelza out of her haze and made her realize what was happening. Gaining more sense, she pushed against Ross and pulled her head away from his. Her breath was coming in gasps and her vision was blurry from the intensity of the moment.

"Demelza," Ross whispered against her hair.

"Ross please don't say anything," she said, her voice breaking as she fought tears.

"You can't deny that you feel something for me just as I feel something for you. I have never before had the kind of emotions for anyone else as I have for you. I love you," he said.

Demelza did not respond. Did she just let herself fall helplessly into her cousin in laws arms as he kissed her like they were long lost lovers? And did she enjoy it? She would be lying if she said she didn't but she knew that this could not be. Not now and perhaps not ever. She was just becoming accepted as a member of Francis' social circle instead of being seen as a miner's brat. If she was to make sure her child had a scandal free entrance into this world, she had to make sure that she and Ross behaved with the utmost decorum. Even if she felt the same that he did. She didn't want to believe that what she thought she heard was true. Had her husband's cousin just declared himself to her? It couldn't be true. She must have misheard him.

"What did you say?"

Ross searched her face before he repeated it. Clearly and without embarrassment or hesitation.

"I love you Demelza."

"Ross you can't. You can't love me. I'm Francis's wife. It's improper."

Demelza tried to walk away but Ross held her fast. He was not going to let her go until he heard from her mouth that she didn't feel the same.

"It's not improper Demelza. If we love each other, why is that wrong?"

"Who said that I love you?"

"I could tell from the way you kissed me just now and from the way you kissed me all those months ago. I feel it and you do too. Don't you?"

He was not going to let her go without an answer. And he wanted Demelza to give him one.

"Ross, whatever I might feel for you doesn't matter now. What matters is my child and making sure that he or she comes into a family without anything to mar its name. If you truly love me Ross you'll do this for me."

"But why shouldn't we be happy?"

"Because we have obligations to others first Ross. We cannot just think of ourselves," she stated.

Ross stepped away from her not believing that she would pass up being happy because of idle gossip. He didn't think she cared what people said. He was annoyed but even more, he was disappointed.

"Demelza I didn't think you were the type to care about society and convention. You're not like the rest of the women in this circle. I never thought you were shallow as them."

The words left his mouth before he could stop them and as was about to apologize, he felt a hand hit his cheek. Looking up he saw Demelza standing there, shaking, her hand at her side, tears streaming down her face.

"Get out Ross," she said through clenched teeth. "Get out. I don't want to see you right now. I thank you for taking care of Francis's will but perhaps it would be best if we kept our distance until things settle down. "

"Demelza, please, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said you have to know that," Ross pleaded.

"I do know Ross but I also know that I have to think about my child first. Not what I want but what's best for him. Please. If you love me like you say you do, you'll do this for me. Please," she was weeping now, not trying to hide her pain.

Ross just watched her, aching to go and comfort her but knowing that was not what she needed. Or wanted at the moment. Instead he walked passed her to exit the room, leaving her alone as she requested. As he walked through the great hall he ran into Verity and ashamed of what had happened, left without saying anything to her.

Verity watched as he exited, going to the window to watch him ride off. Hearing low sobbing from the parlor saw her sister in law, curled up on the sofa, her arms wrapped around herself as if seeking self comfort. She flew to her side and took her in her arms.

"My dear, what has happened?" Verity questioned totally confused at the whole scene.

"Oh Verity. I think I just made a terrible mistake.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

 _Verity finds out Demelza is pregnant. Demelza is being loyal to the memory of Francis but admits she didn't feel for him the way she feels for Ross (tells this to Verity Ross doesn't see Elizabeth on her way to Trenwith as he rides home. Elizabeth tells Demelza she knows she's pregnant, is sure its Ross's and after Demelza kicks her out, Demelza collapses. She loses the baby. At Nampara he gets drunk and thinks about going to Margaret. Verity comes to him and he tells her how he feels Ross goes to apologize and finds out she lost the baby. He blames himself. Demelza says it wasn't meant to be._

Verity spurred her horse into gear and headed towards Nampara, her mood matching the driving force of her steed. After Ross left in haste a week ago, Verity found out from Demelza exactly what had happened and what was going on with herself, them and the state of Trenwith. She learned of her sister in laws condition and was exceedingly glad at that news. The thought of a new life in the old homestead gave her hope for a brighter future. Verity thought of Francis and how pleased he would have been to become a father. The only sadness was that he was not going to be there to share in the experience and that weighed heavily on Demelza. She had told Verity of the guilt she felt for not sharing her news with Francis before he died. Verity assured her that even if she had, it doesn't mean the accident wouldn't have happened. No one could predict or prevent something like that. Demelza got some comfort from that but still could not fully enjoy her pregnancy. She recalled their conversation as she galloped along the cliff side.

" _What did Ross say or do? My cousin doesn't' always have a way with words."_

" _He told me he loved me."_

" _Did he now?"_

" _You don't seem surprised."_

" _I'm not really. I've felt something change in him when he's near you. I haven't ever seen him act like that. So he told you he loved you. And did you reply?"_

" _Yes he did. And no I didn't say anything. I can't deal with that now. Not when I have my child to worry about."_

" _Child? You're with child?"_

" _Yes. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but I just wasn't sure how you would take it."_

" _My dear I'm so pleased and I know Francis would have been too."_

" _I know. This is why I can't let whatever feelings Ross and I have for each other ruin it. I have to think about my child. If people start talking about us, what will that say about him?"_

" _Yes I see your point. Well, Ross really has done it now. How did you leave it?"_

" _I told him that we shouldn't see each other for now. He has his own thing to deal with."_

Demelza had also told Verity of the reason for Ross's visit that day as well as their ensuing disagreement. As soon as she heard that George and Elizabeth might know of Demelza's condition and would perhaps use it against her for their own gain, she wanted to hightail it over to Cardew and take them to task. Demelza quickly diffused that thought and told her she was not going to let their potential threats ruin her enjoyment of becoming a mother.

However the issues related to Ross was another matter. Verity knew that things between Ross and Elizabeth were off for quite some time. It was clear that whenever they were in the same room, the tension between them was palpable and they were far from a happily married couple. What Verity was surprised about was that George was involved and that Ross, despite how it might look, was ready for his marriage to end any way possible. If George was to be the motivation behind it, so be it. This is what Demelza relayed and knowing her cousin the way she did, she believed that was Ross's stance.

Then there was the added element of Ross's feelings towards Demelza and vice versa. Verity sat holding her young sister in law while she recounted what had transpired between her and Ross. Demelza told Verity of the kiss he gave her that day and how it made her feel. How the emotions it roused in her were hard for her to ignore. That it wasn't the first time they had shared a kiss or felt passion that perhaps was missing from her marriage to Francis. She told Verity that she loved Francis and believed he loved her, but that it didn't feel the same as what happened with Ross. And Demelza felt guilty about that.

Verity assured her that she had nothing to feel guilty about. As much as she loved her brother, Verity knew that he was incapable of the deep, soul binding love that should exist between a man and a woman. She also knew that Ross didn't take emotions lightly nor did he give them away easily. He's always been guarded, ever since his mother died which is why everyone was surprised when he actually married Elizabeth. Verity knew it was out of obligation to a promise made and not out of pure love. If Demelza had awakened those kinds of emotions in Ross, then good for her; he deserved to share the love he had with someone who would appreciate and accept it. Elizabeth was not that person. Demelza was not comforted by that for she felt her own obligation to stay true to Francis' memory especially as she was carrying his child. And that was what she told Ross. That whatever they might feel or want for themselves would have to be put aside for the good of her child. Verity had seen the torment being waged in Demelza and needed to make her see that it was alright to start to give her heart to someone else.

As she rode on, her horse now cantering at a normal pace she came closer to Nampara land and she recalled what she thought of when Demelza admitted that this last incident wasn't the only time she and Ross had shared a kiss. While she was taken aback Verity thought whatever there is between Ross and Demelza must be something powerful for it to have occurred so soon after their meeting. She was envious of this but not surprised. Perhaps it was a case of that old phrase, soul mates. It seemed to Verity that her cousin and her sister in law were destined, by some strange twist of fate to meet and be a part of each other's lives. While Francis's death was unexpected and certainly sad, was it part of their karma? She was beginning to believe so. Just as Elizabeth's decision to move on from her ordinary marriage to poor mine owner happened at the exact same time. Maybe the stars or gods or someone else in a higher authority saw these two souls and decided that they each needed the other for whatever reason. All Verity knew was the Ross had jumped the gun in being so aggressive with Demelza just as she was coming to terms with being a widow and facing a future where she had to raise her child alone.

She would have some choice words for her cousin including a suggestion that he try and make things right between him and Demelza as quickly as possible. In her condition the last thing she needed was to deal with his nonsense. Verity knew that as much as Demelza hated to admit it, she needed him. She put on a brave face for those around her, but on more than one occasion, has heard her cry in the night. Often she wanted to go to her but didn't feel she could intrude. Verity knew that Demelza missed Francis and the security he provided and that she felt alone but now she also believed that she cried for someone else. Ross, even in his idiotic moments was someone she could relate and turn to. Their mutual love of Francis was the starting point of their relationship that was only enforced by their love for each other. Verity had no qualms about using that phrase when she spoke about and to them. She saw it in Demelza's eyes as the younger woman told her what Ross had said, how he promised to protect her against George and Elizabeth; how sorry he was that her child and she were being dragged into his mess of a divorce. It was clear that while Demelza was angry at Ross, she still had strong feelings for him. And when Verity pressed the subject, Demelza finally admitted that yes, she had fallen in love with her husband's cousin.

With that thought Verity reached the edge of the fields that bordered Nampara and as luck would have it, she saw her cousin in the distance, scything the growth. She slowed her horse down and approached him quietly.

"Ross!" she called coming to a full stop just shy of where he worked.

He looked up, searching for the source of the voice and Verity saw immediately that he was fairing no better than Demelza. His hair was beyond disheveled, there was circles under his eyes, which were usually bright and warm but today looked distant and cold.

"Verity, what are you doing here?" he asked. There was no emotion in his voice. He sounded flat and uncaring.

"I came to see you cousin. You left so quickly last week that I didn't have a chance to have a proper talk with you. You seemed distracted," she said innocently.

Ross knew exactly what she was about and that she probably had heard from Demelza what an absolute idiot he was. Again.

"I was a bit distracted. If you haven't heard, Elizabeth wants a divorce, Francis's estate is a potential mess and I'm in love with his widow. Will that satisfy your curiosity?"

He turned his back to her to continue working when she moved her horse closer to him. Looking down at him while he worked she let him continue to ravage the hay without giving her much attention. Verity let him continue to wallow in a few more minutes of self pity amused at his petulant behavior. She hadn't seen Ross like this since they were children and he didn't the pony he was promised for his birthday. Of course this was a little more serious but his brooding pout was the same.

"Are you going to sit up there all day and watch me cousin?"

Verity shook her head and said, "If I have to. We need to talk Ross. Why don't you stop what you're doing and meet me at the house. I'm not leaving until we get to the bottom of this foolishness."

She tugged at the reins and steered her horse around towards the path to Nampara. After a few feet she turned back to Ross and said, "And don't think you can get out of this Ross. I'll stay here all day and night if I have to."

He wiped his brow with his shirt and called back to her with a smile, "You would too. All right Verity. I'll follow you."

His cousin gave him a satisfied smiled and guided her horse back towards the house. Ross watched as she rode away. Putting his shirt back on, he gathered the scythe and the water bottle and started the trek up the hill towards home. As he walked he thought about the past week. Not since he first returned from America to find his whole life changed and had he felt as empty and lost. He never thought that a falling out with Demelza would lead to his falling into the depths of despair he faced over the past seven days. Immediately after he left Trenwith that day, Ross needed to obliterate the memory of what he'd said to Demelza and more importantly what he did. If he could go back he would have kept his feelings to himself and just been there for her. Instead he attempted to be reckless, as he was in his youth which ended with him coming to terms with the truth.

 _That night he got himself good and drunk, barricading himself in the library, wondering how he fell so quickly and so hard for this red-headed woman. He hadn't looked for it, definitely didn't expect it but when it hit, he welcomed it. Not even in the early days with Elizabeth had these kinds of emotions run through him. It was new, exciting and disconcerting. And with one kiss and a blurting out of a declaration he ruined it. At least he thought he did._

 _A day after his foot in mouth incident, he rode to Truro looking for a way to put Demelza further out of his mind. Entering The Red Lion he sought out Margaret for the first time. She was sitting by the fire of the pub, her jet black hair done up in a style that seemed to imitate one of society's best, her crimson dress not quite in style but flattering to her body. Ross stood at the bar and gave her a look that she understood. Walking over to him, she took his hand and let him upstairs, and Ross followed without thinking. Upon entering her room, the thought that his cousin had frequented this place often, partaking of her services off and on for years came to mind and made him think twice about going through with this encounter; it seemed odd to share her but he thought he needed something, anything to redirect his anger. Not towards anyone but himself. He hoped that the physical release of being with another woman would help him forget Demelza. Taking Margaret in his arms he kissed her forcefully, struggling to erase the feel and image of another's lips. She started to undo his clothes but Ross stopped her. She was moving too fast and parts of his brain and more importantly, his body, were not caught up to her level of excitement Margaret maneuvered them to the bed, stretching over him, using every technique she could to get him to make love to her. And Ross tried; he tried to make her face the one he saw when he closed his eyes but it was no use. Finally after he lost patience with himself, he told Margaret to stop. Sitting up, he swung his legs over the side of the bed, running his hands through his hair and began to apologize to her._

" _I'm sorry Margaret. I don't know what's come over me. I just can't seem to…." he stopped speaking and closed his eyes again as he bowed his head. Clasping his hands together, he leaned on his knees and began to cry. This was not something Margaret was used to so she didn't know exactly how to react. Yet something about this Poldark seemed different than the late Francis Poldark who was a loyal customer of her until his death. As a wave of sympathy came over her, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he proceeded to sob in her embrace._

" _M'lord, what is it that troubles you so? I must say I've never seen any man act like this when they were unable to perform. Not even your late cousin," she said._

 _At the mention of Francis, Ross looked up at her and another wave of guilt passed over him. Not only was he trying to jump in on Demelza but now he was invading another territory of his cousin: his mistress. I really am a cad, Ross thought._

" _I'm not upset about the fact that I am not able to culminate our transaction but have no worries I will pay your fee. It's just that my mind is distracted," he explained._

" _By what? Usually men come here and I make them forget their troubles. I've never had a customer leaved dissatisfied."_

 _Margaret had kept rubbing his back, trying to get him to relax so they could possibly pick up where they just left off but she could see Ross was not letting that happen. She's seen men preoccupied before and most of the time it was because of another woman._

" _Who is she, M'lord?"_

" _She?" he asked, wondering how this woman knew what his problem was without his saying._

" _Yes. Usually if I can't get a man interested in me it's because he's interested in someone else. So who is she?"_

" _Someone I shouldn't care about. Someone I shouldn't love. Someone I probably will never have."_

 _His voice was full of regret and Margaret's sympathy increased. It was clear that this Master Poldark had lost his heart to a woman who's hold on him was so firm that nothing would take her place._

" _Why do you not tell her M'lord? I'm sure if you told her how you feel that the lady might tell you she feels the same."_

 _Ross let out a crude laugh at that idea. "I did tell her and she slapped me. Told me she didn't want to see me and that it would be best if we stay away from each other for now."_

 _Ross stood and walked over to a small table where Margaret had a decanter and glasses. Not caring what it was he poured into the crystal, he filled the glass and drank it in one swallow. The alcohol should have burned but after a day of drinking it was going down like water. He turned back to his companion and gave her a weak smile._

" _Why are women so complicated?" he asked in earnest._

 _Margaret rose to join him, her hands smoothing his shirt and pulling his waistcoat closed. As she started to button it she said, "We're not complicated by choice sir. Men tend to say and do things that force us into situations that put us at a disadvantage. I don't know what exactly you said to the lady, but perhaps it was not what you said but how and when you said it. Sometimes we women need to be courted, even if we have known the gentlemen for a long time. You can't presume to think that we know what you're feeling or what you mean. We often like to be shown."_

 _Ross stared at this woman who was experienced and apparently wiser than he and took in all that she said. She was right. He assumed that Demelza would automatically fall into his arms and accept his confession of love without hesitation. Nevermind that she is still in mourning, is expecting a child and has an uncertain future surrounding her husband's estate. While Ross didn't get the physical released from his time with Margaret he did get some sensibility thrown at him. Not that it would do any good as he was sure Demelza was through with him. He paid and thanked her and left, going home to an empty house, ready to throw himself into working his land and mine. Demelza Poldark would be put aside._

He reached the yard and dropped the scythe near the back door. Entering the kitchen he heard Verity talking to Prudie in the parlor. Crossing through the house he peeked into the room and saw them at the table, Prudie pouring tea for Verity and his cousin nodding and seeming to agree with whatever it was Prudie was saying.

"He don' know what's good for him sometimes, Miss. Stubborn as his father, 'ee is," Prudie said as she handed Verity the cup.

"I know. And she is no better. Well I hope I can talk some sense into him before this thing becomes even more of a mess." Verity sounded sure of her statement and Ross wondered who exactly were they talking about. The way his life was these days, the "she" could be anyone. He diverted upstairs to wash and change before facing his cousin for her reckoning. In his bedroom he pulled off the shirt and breeches and quickly grabbed a cloth to wipe away the grime and sweat of the day's work. He then rinsed his face and let the tepid water seep into his pores, the coolness of it clearing his head. Looking in the mirror he studied his face and saw a pathetic, lonely man who had let his guard down only to fall in love with a woman he couldn't have. If there were citations for idiocy he'd surely be first in line for one.

Ross dressed and went downstairs again, coming into the parlor to see Verity now sitting by the fire, sipping her tea, totally calm. Perhaps she wasn't going to box his ears and scold him but Ross wasn't assuming anything. He knew when his cousin got a thought in her head she usually made it known whether the recipient wanted to hear it or not. Yet she always did it with a sweet voice and smile that belied the depth of her disappointment or anger. As lady of the house for as long as Ross could remember this was the way she was taught to deal with servants, guests and tending to her father and brother's needs. So it would be assumed that a situation having to do with her sister in law and her cousin would need to be handled sternly and definitively. Ross went to Verity and kissed her cheek before going to pour himself a glass of rum and settling in opposite her but the fire.

"Alright then cousin," he started, " tell me why you've come? I take it you've spoke to Demelza?" He spoke with an air of superiority, sipping the amber liquid slowly. Since his antics of a few nights before, liquor was not his first choice of drink and now he was regretting taking a glass.

"Yes Ross I have spoken to Demelza. As a matter of fact, the moment you left the child collapsed into a torrent of tears and told me everything."

Ross sat up when he heard Demelza had reacted that severely to their confrontation.

"Is she alright? Tell me Verity! Is Demelza alright?" There was no use in hiding his feelings at this point. If he thought he had been the cause of anything happening to Demelza or her child he would never forgive himself.

"She's fine. Demelza is strong and her focus is on her baby. Everything else is just a bother. Ross, why did you tell her you loved her that day? Didn't you think that something that emotional should have waited until both of you were able to freely express those feelings?"

Verity had moved to sit next to him, taking his hands in hers offering the support she knew he needed.

"I know that now Verity. But at the time I didn't think that telling Demelza how I felt would earn me a slap."

Putting her hand to her mouth, Verity tried to stifle a giggle at that revelation.

"Demelza slapped you? She didn't tell me that."

Ross stared at his cousin, clearly enjoying his tale of woe and he didn't appreciate that at all. He pulled his hand out of her grasp and took another sip of rum.

"Yes. She slapped me right before she told me to leave."

"Well Ross what did you expect? Francis's funeral is just a month passed, she's with child and she has no idea what the future holds for her either at Trenwith or someplace else. And you decide that declaring your hand and telling her that you love her was the best way to tell her you'd be there for her?"

Her logic was hard to dispute and if he had kept his selfishness intact they wouldn't be having this conversation and he and Demelza would be just where they were a week ago.

"You're right Verity. Of course you're right."

"I know I'm right but thank you. So what made you do it Ross? What pushed you? Things had been going so well between the two of you. I saw that Demelza had developed feelings for you as well. All you needed to do was bide your time and it would all work out when it was supposed to."

"I know that now. I think it was seeing those friends of hers from Illugan that might have had something to do with it," he admitted sheepishly.

"Ross Poldark? Are you jealous?" Verity was highly amused at that thought since she could see by the look on his face that it was true.

"I couldn't help it Verity. Demelza was all smiling and happy talking to them and they were doing things for her that I could be doing," he said.

Verity had to keep from laughing again at her cousin's youthful admission.

"Ross they were helping her because Demelza needed it and they needed some work. It's nothing more. Besides, from what I hear you have your own house to get in order. Perhaps you should focus on that so when Demelza is ready to tell you she loves you, you'll be free to accept it."

Ross looked at his cousin and wondered if he heard her correctly.

"What did you say? Demelza told you she loves me?" He put his glass down and walked around to the window and opened it, suddenly needing some air. Ross had all but given up hope that his feelings were reciprocated and now, if this was true, maybe there was hope for a future.

"Yes of course she loves you. Why would you doubt that?" Verity truly could not believe that her cousin was that oblivious to a woman's feelings as to not know that Demelza felt the same as he did.

"I don't know. I thought that her love for Francis was so strong-and with the baby-that nothing else mattered to her."

"That's nonsense. Of course she loved Francis in her own way and the baby is the most important thing to her now. But that does not diminish or eliminate the feelings that have come for you. She just can't deal with them now. Can you blame her?"

Verity walked to where he stood and turned him to look at her.

"Ross, she loves you deeply. And I think that scares her as well. So much has happened to her in a short period she needs time to adjust to it all. I'm sure you can understand that?" she said.

Staring down at his cousin, Ross smiled. What she said was very similar to what she told him when he returned from America when he was faced with changes that he was unprepared for. It was doubt he had but fear of letting someone into his heart. He had done that with Elizabeth and look where that got him. But Demelza is different and he knows that. He just had to trust. Slowly everything was falling into place and he came to terms with the fact that he and Demelza had plenty of time to make a future. What they needed to do was deal with the present. Without warning, Ross bent down to give his cousin a kiss on the cheek and hug her.

"I always knew you were the smart one of the family Verity," he said with a grin.

"Yes. I'm a genius when it comes to other people and their relationships. I just can't manage my own."

Ross saw the sadness in her face and felt for her. He hoped that his cousin would find someone to share all the love she had with. Just like he had finally found that person even if he has to wait for her.

"It will come for you too cousin. I'm sure of it. Someone with as much love to give as you will find the person to share it with."

"Thank you my dear," Verity said. "Now what are you going to do about Demelza? You can't leave things the way they are? She's miserable Ross. And that's not good for her health and the baby."

"I'm miserable too Verity. I haven't felt like this since I came home from the war. And even then it wasn't as dark as it's been the last week. I spent 24 hours drinking and looking for ways to forget Demelza Carne Poldark," he offered.

Verity saw that he wasn't just saying this because he thought she wanted to hear it. She knew that this situation was not one Ross had to face before. It's clear that the love he feels for Demelza is new to him as it is to her. Smiling to herself, Verity knew these two were destined to be together.

"I don't think I want to know exactly what you attempted to do, cousin, but I can see that it's affected you greatly. It's clear that you have to talk to Demelza and soon. Especially if they two of you have to fight George and Elizabeth about Trenwith or your divorce."

"I hadn't thought of that either. We do need to work together for both our sakes. But especially for Demelza and the baby as well as you and Aunt Agatha."

"Thank you for thinking of us as well but we will manage the main thing is to settle it between you and Demelza."

"I agree. But I don't think I should just show up at Trenwith asking to speak to her again. We saw how well that went over the last time."

Verity nodded in agreement. "You're right. I will go home and talk to Demelza. I think perhaps she should come here. Would you agree to that?"

Ross broke out into a grin that relayed exactly how he felt.

"Verity you don't have to ask that. I need to apologize so I don't care where we meet. I just don't want her to overexert herself by coming here. So send word what she wants to do. Will you do that?" He sounded hopeful and Verity could only feel the same.

"Of course. It may not be for a day or two so have patience."

"For this and for Demelza, I will. Thank you cousin," he said.

"And trust me. Have faith."

Ross nodded and smiled, feeling hopeful for the first time in a week.

Demelza, for her part, was distracting herself from the emotional rollercoaster of the week by continuing to do light chores around the house and focusing on taking care of herself and her baby. She still had not shared the news with Aunt Agatha or the staff but she was sure the old woman and her tarot cards had figured out what was going on without being told. Demelza caught her giving her sideways glances as she passed as well as running her gaze up and down her body. She just let it go; there would be time soon enough to explain the secrecy. For now, and until she was sure her condition didn't become a part of Ross's marital situation, Demelza was intent on keeping it to herself.

She was in the kitchen working some dough to make scones when Tabb came in to tell her there was a visitor. Demelza wasn't expecting anyone and so had no idea who it might be. She rubbed her hands together to brush the flour off them and started to untie her apron when a figure came into the kitchen.

"Well, I see old habits are hard to die, aren't they Demelza?"

Demelza found herself looking into the cool face of Elizabeth. She was the last person she expected or wanted to see and now wished that Verity was back from her errand. The past few days have been stressful to say the least dealing with the aftermath of her fight with Ross and a visit from his wife was not helping that.

"Elizabeth, this is a surprise. What can I do for you?"

Demelza tied the apron back on and as she did Elizabeth said, "So it's true."

"I beg your pardon?" Demelza asked.

Demelza stared at Elizabeth and saw her visitor's eyes drift down to her abdomen which Demelza instinctively covered with her hand. Looking down at her body and then lifting her head again she saw the other woman's face break into a cruel smile.

"No wonder Ross is so anxious to end our marriage. I suppose he wants to keep this dirty little secret totally quiet. How would it look if Ross Poldark of Nampara was not only getting divorced but was suspect of being the father of his deceased cousin's child? You certainly know to take advantage of an opportunity, don't you dear?"

Elizabeth walked around the table, assessing the surroundings. Demelza didn't know how to respond and in truth, didn't want to. She knew that whatever she said to Elizabeth could and would be misconstrued to be advantageous to Ross's wife.

"Elizabeth did you just come here to taunt me or did you want something specific?" Demelza asked as she went back to her chore.

"Actually I wanted to see what state the kitchen was in. If it comes to me in the divorce I might need to make some repairs."

Demelza stopped what she was doing and looked directly into Elizabeth's eyes and saw nothing but contempt along with smugness. It appeared the other Mistress Poldark believed that the family estate would come to her in some sort of settlement. She knew that Ross wouldn't allow that. Would he? Perhaps after their falling out he didn't care about her or her child. And if Elizabeth and George spread the rumor that Ross was the father of her child, all could be lost. Then where would she be?

She felt the room closing in on her and gripped the table to steady herself. She faintly heard Elizabeth's voice but was not paying attention to her.

"You know Demelza if you find yourself in need of employment perhaps you could come work for George and me. I can see you're quite an expert in the kitchen and I'm sure you have other talents as well. Just remember that any skills you use towards husbands will not be needed."

That pushed Demelza over the edge. She forgot that she was the widow of a gentleman and let the miner's brat from Illugan emerge. Grabbing a handful of flour she threw it at Elizabeth, relishing the vision of the white dust covering her blue riding habit, clinging to the velvet. She was tempted to add an egg to the mix but didn't want to waste food on something like this. Demelza felt a small bit of satisfaction in finally letting Elizabeth see exactly what she thought of her.

"You little bitch!" Elizabeth cried, trying to lunge for Demelza who was too quick for her and skirted her reach. Moving to the opposite end of the room, the table between them as a barricade, Demelza felt a surge of power and stood her ground. She also felt a slight twinge in her side and thought that perhaps she stretch oddly when she moved around the room. She dismissed it and turned her attention back to her unwelcome guest.

"I don't know what gossip you've listened to or even heard but I would suggest you stop spreading it. This child is Francis's. The only thing Ross is to me is a relative by marriage and a friend by choice. So why don't you take yourself out of _my_ home and return to George. And I hope that you and he will be happy together. Lord know you deserve each other!"

Demelza's voice rose getting the attention of Mrs. Tabb who was in the pantry, trying to stay out of the line of fire. The older servant stood at the doorway watching her mistress handle the other Mrs. Poldark and offered a smile of admiration to Demelza, who caught her eye from where she stood. Grateful for Mrs Tabb's support she was ready for this meeting to end. She was about to tell Elizabeth to leave when another cramp hit, this one stronger than the other, causing Demelza to grab her side. Trying to stay standing, she looked at Elizabeth and gave her a look that was clear.

"I think you should go Elizabeth. I'm not feeling very well and I need to rest," Demelza said through clenched teeth, the pain now stronger. She was scared and needed this woman gone. "Now Elizabeth! Get out of my house!"

Elizabeth saw that something was wrong and surely didn't want to be around for anything that might happen. She walked past Mrs. Tabb and Demelza as she made her way towards the door. Before exiting she turned and spoke to Demelza once more.

"I know you think that Ross will protect you and that bastard you're carrying but without any means or even a home, I'm not sure how that is possible. I hope you don't regret your choices dear."

With that she swept out of the room just as Demelza collapsed to the bench by the table, clutching her stomach, the pain steady now. Mrs. Tabb saw her mistress's situation and ran to her side.

"Mrs. Tabb send for Dr. Enys. And do you know where Verity is? I need her."

She felt herself getting faint and fought to stay seated when the room began to get dark as she started to fall to the floor. Mrs. Tabb caught her and placed her gently on the floor just as Verity walked in and ran to Demelza's side. Crouching down next to her she put her head in her lap and tried to wake her.

"Oh my lord! Demelza! Demelza!"

Demelza's eyes fluttered open and Verity saw tears in her sister in law's eyes.

"Oh Verity. I think I'm losing my baby."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18- _. Ross is ready to apologize and gets a note from Verity that tells him she lost the baby. He blames himself not knowing Elizabeth was the last person to see her. Demelza says it wasn't meant to be. Tells him about Elizabeth's visit, the terms of the will, etc. They discuss everything. Nothing is left secret. Goes to George and Elizabeth and tells them that he will accuse them of menacing and threatening Demelza and that he's sure the town will back him. Tells George to expedite the divorce._

Ross was in the barn stacking bales of hay, feeling more hopeful than he had in weeks. Verity's visit had not only allowed him to tell someone what was on his mind but also what was in his heart with regards to Demelza. The burden of keeping his love a secret was becoming harder to bear and now the weight of it being lifted did the same for his spirits. He was sweeping remnants of hay out of the middle of the floor when he heard a horse approach. Putting the broom down, he went to the window to see who it might be hoping it was Verity with news as to where and when he and Demelza could meet. Leaning over the side he saw who appeared to be Tabb handing Jud a note. Ross was curious why Tabb would be delivering messages from Trenwith so he walked downstairs and headed out into the sunlight.

Entering the yard he called out to his servant.

"Jud!"

The old sot turned around and ambled to Ross, the note blowing in his hand. Stretching it out towards his master, Ross took it and recognized the handwriting as Verity's. Facing away from Jud, broke the seal and unfolded the parchment. He scanned the words, once and then again. He couldn't believe what he was reading as moisture gathered in his eyes. Sitting down on a bench by the pump, Ross tried to gather his thoughts as he looked at the letter again.

 _My Dear Ross,_

 _I have some sad news. A few days ago Demelza fell ill and has lost the child. We're not quite sure what caused it, although Dr. Enys says this sometimes happens with mothers who have been under as much stress as our Demelza has. Oh, my dear, I know that you had hoped to meet and talk with her to clear the air between you but I'm afraid that will have to wait. She's very weak and emotionally drained. Her spirit is broken as you would expect and I'm not sure what we discussed is something she is ready to hear. I will send word as soon as the doctor clears her for visitors. Until then, pray dear cousin for her quick recovery and for yourself. I know you are distressed about everything but I also know that you and she will come together in the end._

 _Your loving cousin,_

 _Verity_

Ross could not comprehend what Verity had written. Yes, he saw the words but they couldn't be true. Did she have an accident? Some mishap when she was working around the estate? Or was he to blame? Did he upset her so much as to make her lose her child? He needed to find out if she was alright and exactly what was going on at Trenwith. Crumpling the paper in his fist he went in the house to change. It didn't matter that Verity said she would send word. He needed to see Demelza now.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he quickly washed the grime from his chores and slipped into clean clothes. Checking that he looked halfway decent in the mirror, he headed out again, saddling Darkie himself and riding like the wind to Trenwith. His mind ran through all the possible scenarios as to what might have happened with Demelza. When he left her that day she was upset beyond reason but appeared physically fine. She was tired from working in the garden. He told her she shouldn't be doing that sort of work and she dismissed it. Now, look at what had happened. However, he was not a doctor and so anything could have caused this; not necessarily her physical labor. Maybe it was the emotional strain of the funeral, dealing with the will and more likely, dealing with him. Their last encounter was intense, to say the least, and went into topics that had no business being discussed at this point in time.

Ross approached the gates of Trenwith and slowed his horse down to a gentle canter. There was no need to come barreling in like some hero out to save the damsel in distress. To be honest, he wasn't sure what he was expecting when he entered. Dismounting and handing the reins to a servant, he slowed his step as he walked to the door. Taking a breath he was about to knock when it opened and he came face to face with Verity. The surprised look was not what he expected.

"Ross! What are you doing here? I thought I made it quite clear that I would send word when it would be a good time to come. Demelza needs her rest," his cousin said firmly.

Ross nodded in acknowledgment but still wanted to know the details of her condition. He strode past her into the great hall and waited as she followed suit. With his hat in his hand, he spoke to his cousin in a low and slow voice.

"Verity, I understand but I just need to know what happened. What caused Demelza to—to lose her child? Was it because of me?"

He did not falter as he looked at her, searching for any sign that his instinct might be right. His tone was remorseful, as if, even if he were told it had nothing to do with him he would still bear the brunt of the guilt.

"Ross, there is nothing to tell. Demelza began having some pains a few days ago. It happened when I was visiting with you so you can't have been the cause. When I came back I found her collapsed in the kitchen and she knew something went wrong. Mrs. Tabb sent for Dr. Enys right away but by the time he got here it was too late. The baby was gone."

Verity tried to keep her emotions in check but Ross didn't even bother to try. As she spoke, he could picture Demelza, fallen, bleeding, in pain and helpless. After taking a breath, Verity continued.

"She was upset after your fight but physically seemed fine. Something else appears to have caused her condition but she won't tell me. I asked Mrs. Tabb but she seems reluctant to divulge anything other than they were baking. I hardly think kneading dough would cause this kind of condition."

Verity reached out to him then and laid her hand on his arm. He covered it with his own and gave a squeeze. She saw the distress on his face and knew she had to reassure him that this had nothing to do with him.

"Ross, Dr. Enys said that things like this happen all the time. I don't know if I should tell you this but I can see you're upset so perhaps knowing more will relieve you of some of your guilt. Here let's sit down," she said as she guided him into the sunroom.

They sat down on the hard back settle as Ross put his hat on the table next to him and focused on the fire in front of him.

"My dear," Verity began, "I don't know if Demelza shared this with you but it seems she and Francis had been hoping for a child for some time."

Ross looked up and smiled. "Yes, she told me awhile ago that she was wondering why she and Francis…." His voice trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished.

"Yes, well. From what Dr. Enys said, Demelza might be one of those women where conceiving a child could be difficult. And if she was fortunate enough to become pregnant, that it might be hard for her to carry to term. So you see, even without the stress of everything this still might have happened."

Verity hoped that her words offered some sort of comfort to her cousin, but she saw that they did not. He was still concerned that even a small part of the blame should fall on him. He said nothing as he took in all that she said when his aunt entered the room.

"Nephew? What brings you here? More sour news about Francis's estate? Or have you come to tell us you're finally rid of that viper you're married to?"

The elderly woman walked to her nephew and he rose to greet her. Giving her a kiss on the hand she pulled it away and gazed at his face.

"You look dreadful Ross. Has all this turmoil with the Poldark women caused you to become ill?"

She stepped around him to go take her usual place in the corner. Settling into the chair she tapped her walking stick on the floor to get his and Verity's attention.

"Verity, pour me a port. And then you might want to go check on Francis's little bird," Agatha offered up.

Ross turned to look at his aunt at the mention of Demelza and then looked back at Verity. He stood up and walked around the room, pouring Agatha her drink and taking one for himself. He handed his aunt the glass and then went to stand by the window. Agatha and Verity watched him and then shared a look between them. They knew that their nephew and cousin were fighting an internal war. That his feelings of guilt were churning even without merit and that his inability to solve the problem was acceptable to him. In Ross's mind, he had to be able to find out what happened and make sure it never happened again.

"Perhaps it was her working in the garden or doing some other manual labor that I should have been available to help with. Whatever became of those young bucks that Demelza hired to work on the estate? Did they run back to Illugan?"

His voice was getting louder and Verity went over to him to try and calm him down. She saw the familiar Ross of old who turned into a powder keg ready to blow when ignited. This was not the time for him to revisit that persona.

"Ross, you're being ridiculous. If you must know Demelza actually told them to not come for a few days so they could work on repairing the cottage you're letting them use. She thought you would be pleased with that," Verity said softly.

She looked up at her cousin trying to get him to see that this situation really had nothing to do with him, his emotions or his self-imposed guilt. And Ross could not believe that even after their falling out about those boys, Demelza would still think of what he might want instead of putting herself first. If there was ever a more selfless person, he didn't know who it was.

"Verity what can I do? I can't just sit here and do nothing. Please, I need to see her. I need to see for myself that Demelza is alright," he pled. Then, in a whisper added, "I love her Verity. I love her. Please."

Ross was practically crying, something Verity had not seen since they were children. This kind of emotional display was not something that Ross did often so she knew that he was not going to leave quietly if at all unless he got to see Demelza first. Looking past his shoulder towards their aunt, Verity tilted her head as if to say "what else can I do?"

Agatha sipped her port and then said, "I think I heard her trying to move about her room, so it appears that the child is awake."

The cousins twisted around to look at their aunt and then back at each other. Realizing that she was defeated, Verity grabbed her cousin's hand and led him out of the room. As they walked she continued speaking to him, trying to make him understand that he absolutely had to keep his emotions under control and that he should follow Demelza's lead.

"Ross, if Demelza looks like she is becoming tired or no longer wants to talk, you are to leave, understood?"

Ross stared down at his petite cousin before stopping at the foot of the staircase.

"There's no need to scold me like I'm a child, Verity," Ross said defensively.

"No? But you are behaving a bit like a spoiled infant having a tantrum until he got his way," she replied. He glared at her, not liking the way his cousin was becoming stern. "And I will not have Demelza upset trying to calm you down. She needs our care now as much as she may not like it. Is that clear?"

Giving Verity his best grin, Ross complied.

"Yes Verity, very clear."

They continued up the steps and down the long corridor to the master bedroom. Ross realized that he had not been in this part of the house since his uncle died. The dark wood and tapestries were the same as he remembered but the house no longer smelled of must and camphor. Instead, he picked up the scent of violets and recognized it as a perfume that always surrounded Demelza. They had reached the bedroom door and as she was about to knock, she heard sounds coming from the other side. There was a thump and then a muffled "Judas!" could be distinguished.

Exchanging a glance between them, the cousins wondered what could possibly be going on in that room.

"Let's go see what that other Poldark is doing. I swear she's as stubborn as you if not more so. If I didn't think it before, I do now."

"Think what?" Ross asked.

"That you two were meant to be together."

Ross smiled and gave her a hug. "I hope so, Verity."

Verity knocked gently and waited a moment before opening the door and poking her head in.

"Demelza?" she called.

Pushing the door open at little more she looked around the room and saw Demelza leaning against the bedpost, her arms wrapped around it, her eyes closed taking long slow breaths.

"My dear! What are you doing?" Verity cried as she burst into the room flying to Demelza's side.

"I just wanted to brush my hair Verity and I dropped the bloody thing," Demelza said as she pointed to the floor next to the dressing table. Verity looked down and picked up the silver handled instrument.

"Let me. I won't tug too hard, I promise." She motioned for Demelza to sit in the chair facing the mirror. Doing as she was told, Demelza gingerly took a seat, closed her eyes and leaned back so that Verity could start running the brush through her hair.

"Thank you, Verity. I'm sorry to be such a bother. I thought I'd feel stronger by now."

"Demelza it's only been a few days. Dr. Enys said it would take at least a week for you to feel close to your old strength. You did lose some blood so we need to replenish that. And you need to rest."

"I'm so tired of resting Verity. Can't I at least try and sit by the window? I'm bored looking at the canopy. I just want to open a window and breathe in some fresh air," Demelza said. "I can do that just as well by the window seat. She opened her eyes as she spoke, turning her head to look at Verity when another figure caught her eye in the mirror.

Ross had quietly entered the room and leaned against the door jamb watching the scene between his cousin and cousin in law. Demelza looked so small and frail in the voluminous dressing gown. Her hair took on a brighter shade of red against her pale skin and the usual sparkle that was in her eyes was missing. All Ross wanted to do was to gather in his arms and hold her. His heart ached not just for what she was going through but also with the love he needed to share with her.

Their eyes met in the mirror and Demelza felt emotions that had been bottled up since her incident begin to come to the surface. She tried to say his name but was only able to gulp out a sob. In an instant Ross was by her side, on his knees, taking her hands in his.

"Oh Demelza, I'm so sorry my love. Will you be alright? Please tell me," Ross said.

There was no use now in his trying to stop the tears from flowing. He let them come, falling on their joined hands and in turn Demelza let her tears come as well. She had not cried since she collapsed and Dwight told her that the baby was lost. That night she had sobbed throughout the night, refusing to take the powders that he left. Instead, she wanted to feel the pain of loss again hoping it would cleanse her soul. To a degree, it released much of the pent up emotions she had allowed to amass since Francis's death; feelings towards Francis, herself and their child. Even towards Ross and finally Elizabeth. She had replayed her last encounter with Ross's wife in her mind that night, which only brought back the reality that her child was gone. The one thing she hoped she could nurture and cherish, the one thing that was a part of Francis was gone. Pulling her hand out of Ross's she automatically went to wipe his now streaked cheeks as he did the same to her. Without meaning it, they both started to giggle at the similar actions they took.

Seeing that Demelza was no longer interested in her hair, Verity had stopped her tending to it and put the brush back down on the table. She was going to say something but knew it would fall on deaf ears. Instead, she quietly left the room, silently closing the door behind her, leaving the couple alone to figure out what would they would do next.

Ross and Demelza were so focused on each other they didn't see or hear Verity's departure until Demelza realized that no one was touching her hair anymore. She saw the brush back in its place on her dressing table and then refocused her attention on Ross again. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever, until Demelza moved about in her seat, the hard back of the chair suddenly uncomfortable. She grabbed on to the edge of the table, attempting to pull herself up when Ross went into action.

"Demelza what are you doing?" he asked as he took her by the arm guiding her to a standing position.

Picking her head up, she gazed into his eyes and smiled weakly.

"I need to move Ross. I can't sit here any longer. I really just want to move to the window seat. Will you help me?" she asked shyly.

Ross just shook his head and without commenting, took her by the arm and walked her slowly to the cushioned seat opposite the bed and by a window. Demelza wriggled around a bit trying to get comfortable and Ross saw her face scrunch up as if she were in pain. Concern for her led him to take a position next to her and lifted her chin to look into her eyes.

"Are you alright Demelza? Are you in any pain?" he said gently, not wanting to sound like a nursemaid.

Taking a breath, Demelza nodded slightly before answering.

"A bit. It's just a little twinge. Dwight said that might happen while my body healed from the….."

Demelza didn't finish her thought and Ross's heart broke just a little as he remembered why she was incapacitated, to begin with. It wasn't like she had caught a chill or had the vapors. She had lost her child. He could only imagine the pain she was feeling was more than just physical. Fighting the urge to take her into his arms, he stood up and opened the window as she wanted. Pushing the pane open, Ross glanced down at Demelza and saw her face turned up and out towards the breeze. There was a faint aroma wafting up from the garden and he saw her take a deep breath, inhaling the scents. He smiled and returned to his place on the seat with her. They said nothing as Ross let Demelza enjoy the fresh air and the sunshine. She was still facing the window when she finally spoke.

"Ross, would you mind getting my shawl? It's on the bed," she pointed as she spoke.

Following her line of vision, he saw the delicate white garment on draped over the footboard. Patting her hand, he walked to the bed to get the shawl for her. While his back was turned, Ross squeezed his eyes closed in an attempt to fight another wave of tears. Straightening his back he spun around to see her watching him, her face shadowed with sadness. Taking his time he strode slowly back to her and draped the shawl across her shoulders. He then moved to sit beside her and take her hands in his again. Demelza looked down at their joined fingers and after a brief hesitation, brought them up to her lips to place a gentle kiss on them. She then rubbed her cheek on his hand and held it there. Ross was not expecting this blatant show of affection from her after their last encounter but he wasn't going to question her intention, instead, he relished the closeness

"Demelza," he started to say, "my love, can you tell me what happened? Did you have an accident?"

His voice was tender, his hand now caressing the cheek she had laid on his hand. Ross's other hand brushed some stray tendrils of red curls out of her face, gliding down the wild tresses that fell down over her shoulders, just to take an end and twirl it around his finger. Ross did this a few more times, almost as if he were trying to soothe Demelza into calmness so that she could relate what happened.

"Ross I want to tell you. I do. I'm just afraid that when I do you'll be upset," Demelza said. Her voice was barely above a whisper and Ross had to lean in hear what she was saying.

"Demelza why would I be upset?"

Demelza's shoulders started to quiver and Ross could hear that she was sniffling. He wasn't going to tell her not to cry because what she has gone through entitled her to do just that. He caught a glimpse of a handkerchief peeking out from her sleeve and reached over, took it out to hand to her. Just the hint of a giggle escaped from her as she took the lacy fabric and dabbed her eyes and nose.

"Thank you," she replied.

"Don't mention it," he said and grinned. Seeing his face, Demelza's mood lightened slightly as she fisted the handkerchief.

The mood in the room seemed to change and Demelza relaxed a little in her seat, as she leaned back and stared out the window prepared to tell Ross what had occurred that resulted in the loss of her child.

"There really isn't that much to tell, Ross. I was making scones with Mrs. Tabb when I felt a pain. At first, I didn't think anything of it until it happened again, only stronger. And I collapsed. Mrs. Tabb called for Dwight and when Verity came home I just knew it was over. I knew I had lost the baby."

Ross watched her face as she related the events of that day and something was bothering him about the simple telling she gave. It seemed that she was avoiding key details of the day for some reason. He knew Verity told him not to push her but if he was going to help her as well as understand how this all occurred, he needed to know the truth. Somehow he had to get Demelza to tell him everything no matter how terrible she thought it was.

"Demelza, is that all? Somehow I get the impression you are keeping something from me. Does it have to do with your friends from Illuggan? Where were they when this happened?" Ross asked firmly.

He knew this question would get her angry; angry enough to counter his claims and get her to tell him the truth. And he was right. Demelza's face hardened just the slightest as she stared into Ross's eyes. He didn't waiver and waited for her to speak.

"Ross! You're wrong. Sam and Drake have nothing to do with what happened to me! They weren't even here," she cried.

Ross saw that he touched on something by mentioning those boys now he just needed to see how they were involved in this.

"Exactly the point Demelza! They weren't here when they were supposed to be helping you. Why?" he asked.

"I didn't need them. We were done with the garden work and I thought they could better spend the time fixing their cottage. For you, if you must know!" Demelza was practically shouting, her hands fisting the handkerchief in a struggle not to reach over and grab him.

She was no longer speaking in soft, weak tones. The feisty Demelza appeared and Ross knew that he would hear the truth in due time.

"I see. So you send them off to do another good deed and you just fall into a heap on the floor from baking? I don't believe you Demelza," Ross said.

"Well believe it, Ross!" She made an attempt to stand but gave that up quickly as she felt the room spin. Seeing her teetering Ross caught her and sat her back down.

"Enough of that Demelza! Now I know there is something else going on for you try and escape the conversation."

Ross moved so that he was directly in front of her, his hands holding hers to keep her still. Demelza struggled weakly to pull away but gave up. She was getting tired and knew that Ross would not leave her alone if she didn't tell him the whole story. As much as she didn't want to, she needed to share it with someone. She had told Dwight but being that he was a physician he was sworn to secrecy and therefore would not tell Ross. However, this thing with Elizabeth affected him also so she had a responsibility to tell him about her possible part in her situation.

"I see that I won't get any peace if I don't explain what happened but I warn you, if you get angry, or start yelling I'll send you packing and might not let you back so easily next time. I'm weak now and I know you're playing on my being an invalid." She gave him just the hint of a smile but her eyes conveyed worry. Ross saw this and now wondered what could be so devastating to make her scared to talk to him.

"Verity already warned me and I promise to be on my best behavior. Now tell me. What happened?"

Demelza tried again to pull her hands out of his but he wouldn't have it. She looked up at him and seeing that he was staring at her in anticipation of what she was going to say she resigned herself to the fact that Ross Poldark was the most stubborn, hateful man she had ever met. And she loved him. Not wanting to reveal that to him just yet, she straightened her back in the seat, shrugged her shoulders and spoke.

"I was baking with Mrs. Tabb that afternoon. That part was true. I was still angry with you about what happened between us the last time we spoke and working in the kitchen always relaxes me and helps me think."

Ross kept his eyes on her as he wanted to see her facial expressions as she spoke. He knew that she was taking the long route in relating the day but was not going to interrupt her. Eventually, she'd get to the point.

"That's great Demelza, but how did working some dough end up with you on the floor and…." Ross didn't finish.

"And no longer with child? It's alright Ross, you can say it. I've come to terms with it by now. Believe me, I've cried more in the past few days than in my entire life," she said. Feeling the moisture gather in her eyes again, she bowed her head to hide them from Ross. He wasn't having it and lifted her face to look at him.

"Demelza you have been so brave through all this. There is no need to hide anything from me," he responded gently.

"I know Ross," she replied. Her eyes fluttered closed and she clutched his hand tightly. Ross saw her face go pale and he worried that maybe this was too much for her in one day.

"Are you alright my love? Maybe we should stop talking now," he said.

"No, I want to finish. I'm getting tired but if I don't say what I need to I might never.

"Fine. Go on. And I promise I won't say a word."

"Good. As I was saying, Mrs. Tabb and I were baking and Verity was out of the house on a call. I didn't know then that she was…"

"With me," Ross piped up.

"You said you weren't going to interrupt," she said as her head tilted to one side, with an eyebrow raised.

"You're right. Go on."

Ross sat back and let her continue as his admiration, not to mention his love for this woman grew as he sat there.

"As I was saying I was just doing a simple bake when I had a visitor. Elizabeth."

She paused as she waited for that information to sink in with Ross, which it did fairly quickly.

"Elizabeth? Came here? Why? What for?" he said his voice rose without any semblance of trying to hide his ire.

Demelza didn't speak but just gave him a look to remind him of the promise.

"Ross? What did you promise Verity and me?" she said sweetly.

"I know Demelza but what did that woman say that caused you to fall ill? Tell me!"

His patience was gone and he wanted this conversation over so he could deal with Elizabeth and in turn George once and for all.

"If you will calm down I will tell you," she answered.

Ross sat back, now rubbing his hands on his legs, the tension of the moment building.

"In short, she threatened to tell people that the child wasn't Francis's; that you were the father. And that I was glad that Francis was dead."

Before he had a chance to say anything else she told him how the meeting ended.

"I told her to stop spreading lies and to leave my house. When she taunted me again, I—I threw flour in her face and threw her out," Demelza finished quickly.

For his part, Ross just stared at her, his mouth open not quite believing what he had just heard. Had Demelza attacked Elizabeth?

"You did what?"

"I hit her with flour and told her to leave. Dwight thinks that the stress of that on top of everything else led to my losing the baby."

"I can't believe, this Demelza. That woman is beyond contemptible. Don't think for a minute that I'm going to let it end there. I am going to see Elizabeth and George and put a stop to this harassment."

"It's fine Ross. I'll be fine. You should just worry about yourself and what Elizabeth might do to you. Without a child as heir, Trenwith could become yours and then she can take it from you. You don't want that do you?"

"Don't worry. I will take care of everything. No harm will come to you, Verity or Agatha," he assured her.

Demelza looked at him and wanted to say what was in her heart. Looking back on it now she regretted not saying anything that day he confessed his love but was caught so unaware that she most likely would have muddled the words and made things worse. Now, with all that had passed between them and with what she's just been through Demelza came to the conclusion that you can't always dictate what life you have. All you can do is make the life fate hands you the best it can be. She wanted to tell this to Ross but wasn't sure he'd accept it. However, she was not going to end this day or their visit without at least trying. Feeling a bit tired she smiled at Ross and tugged at his hand.

"I think I've been sitting up too long. Can you help me back to the bed?" she asked.

Ross helped her up and with his arm around her waist, led her back to bed. He was going to help her lie down when Demelza stopped him.

"Please, I want to finish our talk. Can you just set the pillows against the headboard and I can sit up with you? "

Holding her steady with one arm, he did as she asked and then placed her gently against the pillows and pulled the covers up to her waist. Demelza then looked up at him and patted the side of the bed next to her. Ross was confused because he couldn't believe she was asking what he thought.

"Demelza? What is it that you want?" he questioned, almost afraid of the answer.

"I want you to come and sit next to me. Here. On the bed. Oh, don't look so shocked. I'm not asking you to get into bed with me, just sit. I need you close to me. Please?"

Ross contemplated her request and realized he needed her as well. Everything she had told him had changed the air between them. There was no longer the shadow of Elizabeth and the possibility of his staying with her. With her actions towards Demelza, Ross was resolute in ending his marriage and any association he ever had with Elizabeth Chynoweth Poldark. His future lay with the woman now calling him to her bed. He stood up and walked around the four poster, his eyes never leaving hers. She kept her hand on the coverlet until he knelt on the mattress and crawled to her side. Sitting with his back flush to the headboard Ross worked his arm around her shoulders, pulling her towards him, her head under his chin as she spoke again.

"I think I always felt in the back of my mind that this baby wasn't meant to be. That whatever bad luck I had before I met Francis was destined to keep me from having this child."

"Demelza you shouldn't say such things. This was not your fault in the least."

"Perhaps not Ross but I can't help feel that this was some sort of fate."

"How do you mean?"

Ross made circles on her arm as he held her and let her explain because he had no idea what she meant.

"Not all fate is bad, Ross. Look at us. It was fate that brought me to Francis and in turn, to you. Fate seemed to cause Francis's death and give me a child. And it was fate that took it away."

"No Demelza. It was Elizabeth that did that," he said, anger clear in his voice.

"No Ross not really. It was fate that led to the decision of you and she wanting to end your marriage. If I was still with child, Elizabeth could make our lives so much more miserable. Don't you see? I almost think that what happened was for the best. Don't get me wrong. I am heartbroken about losing this child. But I'm comforted by the fact that the child now won't suffer by being born to a widowed mother, with a questionable reputation and hated by others," Demelza said. Her tone was a matter of fact and, if Ross admitted it, she was partially right.

"How do you do that?" he asked.

"Do what Ross?" she replied.

"Take such a negative experience and turn it into a positive?" he asked incredulously.

"I don't know. Maybe coming from common stock, out of nothing, I learned that not everything that seems negative is. Maybe it's a survival trait."

Without hesitation, he gave her a kiss on the crown of her head and felt her sigh. Demelza then pulled away to look up at him, and without provocation, reached up to kiss him. It was warm and giving. Ross immediately reacted and moved one hand to her cheek, caressing with all the tenderness he had, his mouth working gently over hers, not taking but giving her the love he had inside. And Demelza accepted it, openly and without reservation. It was with this simple gesture and movement that they had found their way back to each other.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19-

Ross didn't realize he had fallen asleep until he felt a tap on his shoulder and saw Verity looking down at him. As he went to rub his eyes in an attempt to focus, he felt the weight of something or someone on his arm. And then he remembered. Demelza. Turning slightly he caught the wisp of red hair and felt her breath on his chest. Unconsciously he hugged her just a bit tighter as he looked back at Verity who held her finger to lips signaling that he should remain silent so as not to wake Demelza. Ross nodded and as gently as possible slid off the bed to stand next to his cousin.

Verity dragged him away towards the door and motioned for him to come down to her level so she could whisper in his ear.

"Ross do you have any idea what time it is? You've been up here for over an hour and now I can see why. What exactly what were you doing in bed with Demelza?" Verity gave him a pointed look and waited for an answer.

"If you must know dear cousin, Demelza asked me to sit with her in bed while we finished our conversation because she was tired," Ross said with a smirk.

He looked back over his shoulder at the slumbering beauty and smiled. Verity saw that something had changed in her cousin; gone was the volatile man who invaded this house only a short time ago. Instead, the person who stood in front of her was the kind and loving person she knew him to be. Verity determined that he and Demelza had finally reached a point of mutual understanding and she was glad.

"Tired? And what else Ross? Something's happened. I can see it in your face," she said. Then following his gaze to the bed said, "Plus this is the first time in days that Demelza has slept so soundly without the need of powders."

Taking his cousin by the shoulders Ross said, "I love her Verity. And, as luck or- fate- would have it, Demelza loves me too."

Ross's face broke into a huge grin and Verity couldn't help but smile back. She did not remember the last time she had seen him this happy. Perhaps never. And she had to be happy for him.

"My dear I'm so glad. So you and Demelza have come to an understanding?"

Ross hesitated before answering. Thinking back over what he and Demelza had spoken about he realized that they hadn't discussed their future. Yes she had told him about Elizabeth and he knew what he had to do to take care of that situation but they hadn't come to any finality about where they would end up. The only thing that had happened is that they had reconciled with a kiss that he took to mean they loved each other. He wasn't mistaken about that, was he? Now he was beginning to have doubts. Was it possible her fragile emotional state had prompted that reaction and when she was fully recovered, Demelza would tell him they could never be? He walked back to the bed to take in the face of the woman he loved. She seemed so peaceful with just a hint of a smile gracing her lips; lips that minutes ago caressed his and made him feel whole for the first time in his life. Ross bent over her and brushed the hair out of her face. He sat down on the edge of the bed, took her hand and kissed it. Demelza moaned and her eyes fluttered open.

"Ross? You're still here? I thought you left long ago," she said sleepily.

"No my love, I've been here the whole time," he replied. "Do you remember what happened?"

Trying to sit up, Demelza winced.

"Stay still, Demelza!" Ross scolded as Verity came to her aid, helping her sister in law get settled against the pillows.

The women exchanged a look and then turned back to Ross. He scowled at them, not liking the feeling that he was being made fun of.

"I'm fine Ross. This rest has done wonders for me. As has your presence. Thank you. My love," Demelza said softly. She reached for his hand, which he gave her gladly, and rubbed her thumb across the back of it.

So Ross had his answer. He wasn't imagining that they had come to an unspoken agreement.

"I thought that maybe I imagined what happened earlier," Demelza said. "Just another dream that wasn't true." She never stopped holding his hand as she gave Ross the warmest smile she had.

"No my love, it was not a dream. This is very real. And once I take care of a few details, I hope that you and I can continue this reality," Ross said. He went to caress her cheek before leaning forward to place a kiss on her forehead.

"I think Verity is going to throw me out so I best leave now before that happens. But I will be back as soon as I can. Until then, do as she and Dwight tell you, alright? I couldn't bear it if something else happened to you. Understood?"

Ross stood as he finished speaking, reluctantly pulling his hands away from Demelza, his gaze never faltered. For her part, Demelza did the same, her hands holding his for as long as possible as if by letting go the moment would fade as dreams often do.

"Understood, Ross. I'm sure Verity will make sure that I follow all of Dwight's instructions. Although, I don't believe I'll need those powders anymore," she said.

"Good. The last thing I want is a wife dependent on laudanum."

It was not lost on Verity or Demelza at Ross's use of the term "wife" but there was no time to question it as Ross departed the room swiftly, not even giving a passing greeting to his cousin. The women were left alone to muse on this statement as Verity move back towards Demelza to help her get up and use the water closet.

"Come, let's get you freshened up and then I'll have tea brought up. I'll sit with you if you like?" Verity offered sweetly.

"Oh, Verity you are a dear. I would like that," Demelza responded. "And do you think you can help change this night shift? I feel like wearing something that isn't so "sickly" feeling."

Demelza disappeared to use the facility and after a few moments reappeared, her dressing gown opened as she started to pull it off her shoulders. Verity was across the room, her back turned to Demelza as she spoke.

"Of course my dear. I'll find something else while you wash up. It's so good to see you up and about like this Demelza. You had us worried," the petite cousin said as she looked through her wardrobe for another nightgown. Finding something more feminine she spun around to see Demelza by the washstand, gently swabbing her face and neck.

"I know and I'm sorry. I suppose I just didn't see a need to rush to get better. Now…." Demelza stopped as she put the washcloth down in the bowl and returned to sit on the bed.

Verity came to her, laid the fresh gown next to her as she helped slip the soiled one off. Demelza shyly bent her head, letting her hair fall about her face. Her sister in law ignored this and went about quickly changing her out. Pushing her hair back over Demelza's shoulder, Verity tied the ribbon at the neck of the new gown as she finished Demelza's thought.

"You mean now that you and Ross have reconciled?"

Demelza looked up and saw Verity smiling down at her, seeing total acceptance of this change of status between Ross and her.

"Yes. Oh, Verity, you don't think it odd that we have-that we fell in love? I would hate to think I'm betraying Francis or the memory of our marriage." There was a catch in Demelza's voice that reached Verity's, heart.

"No, my dear. I know you loved Francis and that you honored your marriage. If truth be told, I'm not sure Francis felt the same. Oh, not that he didn't love you in some way but we both know it wasn't the kind of love that sustains a marriage. It's not the kind of love that I see between you and my cousin. As for honoring your marriage, I think you've done all you could. I only wish that Francis had been that devoted while he was still here. Somewhere I believe this all happened for a reason."

Demelza's head popped up at Verity's last sentence and her eyes widened.

"That's what I told Ross," Demelza said.

Verity was confused. "Told Ross what?" she asked.

"That maybe all this is fate and was meant to happen."

Verity helped Demelza back under the covers, plumping the pillows behind her head, getting her settled. Seeing Demelza trying to plait her hair, Verity got the brush off the dressing table and handed it to the young woman. Demelza took it and slowly dragged the bristles through her wild tresses. She was focused on her task and after a few passes, her hair was detangled enough to separate it and twist into a loose braid. Verity found her ribbon to tie at the end and once she was done, took the brush and placed it back on the table.

"You look lovely, Demelza. Almost completely recovered," Verity said. "Now I'll go get tea and you just rest."

"Verity I think I've had enough rest. I think I'm ready to live my life again."

Demelza's face broke into a wide grin and her eyes once again took on their old sparkle. As Verity left the room she hoped that Ross could take care of his other business so that this girl could have the life she believed he could give her. But Verity knew what George and Elizabeth could be like so she hoped Ross didn't do something stupid to make matters worse.

Ross approached Cardew with no plan as to how he was going to deal with George or even Elizabeth. He hoped that something came to him when he saw either of them. All Ross did know was that he was not leaving without a definite resolution to their situation so that he and Demelza could move on. He dismounted and tied his horse to a tree away from the front door so as not to bring attention to his presence. Ross steadied his pace, trying to curb the adrenaline that was racing through him. The anger he felt towards George and more importantly towards Elizabeth was something he had never experienced before. It seethed through him like a fever and he needed to treat it before it raged out of control. In the past, he would have just hunted George down and had it out with him in any way that he thought would end the situation. That was the old Ross who had nothing to look forward to and who thought fighting was the quickest way to resolution.

Now Ross did have something and someone to fight for but he wanted to do it the proper way so that their future was not tainted with any past actions. They both deserved a clean slate to start life afresh. That was the thought he kept in the forefront of his mind as he reached the door and knocked. His back was turned from the house as he looked over George's estate. Of course, Elizabeth would prefer this kind of life Ross thought. Who wouldn't? A smirk came to his face when he heard the door open behind him.

"Ross?"

He felt himself flinch at the sound of the voice and turning around saw Elizabeth. She gave him her standard polite smile but did not offer to let him in.

"What are you doing here Ross? Come to make amends and beg my forgiveness?" she said smugly.

Ross held his tongue as he promised himself that he wouldn't stoop to her level unless absolutely necessary.

"Hardly, Elizabeth. Where is George? I actually came to see him but since I've found you, I might as well talk to you first," Ross said smoothly.

"I see. George has gone to town and should be back shortly. I believe he was working on getting the final papers worked up for our trip. And the divorce."

Elizabeth now opened the door slightly so that Ross could see down the hall but still made no move to let him in.

"Is that so? Well, that makes my visit well timed. I came to see where we stood on that and how fast it could be taken care of," he said.

Elizabeth smiled and Ross saw a woman he didn't recognize. She was hard and there was bitterness to her voice that made her appear older than her years. It seemed she turned into her mother in the short time she'd since she left him to join George.

"So now you're anxious to get this over with. Is it because you don't want me fighting for part of Francis's estate? Or is it more likely because his widow is with child and you could be named the father? It's funny how her condition became known only after her husband was buried. Trying to spare him the humiliation of playing father to his cousin's bastard I imagine," she stated. Her voice held no emotion except the trace of sarcasm and contempt.

Ross's resolve broke and he took a step towards Elizabeth, forcing her to push the door open with her back so that he was just inside the threshold facing her down.

"Listen to me you manipulative, conniving slut. I'm only going to say this once so make sure you're paying attention. That child that Demelza was carrying was Francis's, not mine. Contrary to what you want to believe, possibly to lessen the guilt you feel for your own infidelity, she and I have done nothing improper. And if you so much as repeat these rumors in an attempt to hurt her, I swear I will see you and George brought up on charges of libel, slander and menacing. Is that clear?"

Ross spoke through clenched teeth with his hands fisted at his sides, struggling to keep from wringing her neck. In all his life he had never hated a woman as much as he hated Elizabeth. What was even more galling was that at one time he thought this woman was the love of his life. The vision of her and returning to her was what kept him alive during the war. How wrong could he have been? Was he that blinded by her beauty to overlook the shallowness of her character? Staring at her now, Ross didn't even see that anymore. It's clear his perception of beauty changed from the classic, high-born aristocratic look of his soon to be ex-wife to that of a wild, red-headed maid from Illuggan. And he was glad of it.

"What did you say?" Elizabeth spoke. Her voice was cool and distant as if she hadn't heard a word he said. Or if she had, she didn't care.

"You heard me. I don't think I need to repeat it," Ross spit out.

"Demelza. You said, child that she _was_ carrying. Is she no longer with child?"

She now clasped her hands in front of her, her eyes searching Ross's face for an answer.

"No. She is not. It seems that she had a visitor the other day that upset her so much it caused her to lose the child. Luckily she will recover physically, however, emotionally will take some time."

Ross saw Elizabeth cower away from him just enough to confirm what Demelza had told him. He took another step towards her and now he did grab her arms as he spoke.

"Demelza told me you were the last person she saw, Elizabeth. She said that you said horrible things to her. Things that weren't true. Things that upset her so much as to cause her to collapse. Why would you do that Elizabeth? Do you hate me that much? We supposedly loved each other once," Ross said.

"No Ross I don't hate you. I hate her. For the way, she seemed to get men like you and Francis and every other simple minded gentleman in the county to admire her. I don't understand. What has she got that someone like me, who's well bred and educated, doesn't?"

Ross was incredulous at her confession and without prompting burst out laughing.

"A heart Elizabeth. She's kind and giving and as smart as you in the ways that matter. And because of that, you go and torment her to the point of making her lose her child and almost her own life? What's become of you Elizabeth? Where did the girl I thought I loved to go? Or were you always like this and I was just too blind to see?"

His question was genuine and he waited for some sort of answer.

"Honestly Ross I don't think I ever really loved you. I told you once I loved the idea of you. You're handsome and rugged and reckless. All the things a girl like me shouldn't want. It was a challenge to get you to pay attention to me and when you came back and said we should get married, I thought why not? I thought your coming from a longstanding family I would be marrying into wealth and power. How wrong I was. I should have gone after Francis but he was too weak for me. I need someone who can match me. I thought that was you. However, I find that George is perfect for me."

She spoke in a calm and steady voice and Ross was amazed at her control. She really didn't care that she had hurt Demelza or anyone else in her path of destruction.

"I can see that he is Elizabeth. He has everything you need: money, power, name. So since we both agree that we should sever ties with each other, how fast can we get this taken care of?"

"That's a question for George. I have no mind for these things," she said.

"No, you don't. Just a penchant for cruelty. I'm sorry I ever fought for you, Elizabeth. If there is one thing I've learned in the past few months, is that I'm not the failure in this scenario. It's you. As a woman, a wife and more importantly as a human being. Please tell George I was here and tell him to send word as to when we can meet. I won't trouble you anymore."

Ross turned to leave when Elizabeth called after him.

"I hope you and that miner's brat are happy. Lord knows I'm sure she's good at doing at least one thing."

He stopped short at the doorway and pivoted back to her. Taking large strides he reached her again and said," Don't you ever mention Demelza again. Is that clear? Once this divorce is final I never want to hear from you again. I'll have Jud bring the rest of your things later today."

Giving her one last look, Ross spun on his heel and strode out of the house feeling surer than ever before about what was to come. He needed to see George but first, he wanted to talk to Pascoe about the change in Demelza's physical status and how this might affect the will. Without a glance back, he mounted Darkie and rode hard into Truro. Once he took care of this and then settled with George there was only one more thing left to do. And he prayed that would be the easiest thing to take care of.

Taking the steps up to Pascoe's office two at a time, Ross knocked on the door waiting to be let in. He was eager to get things in motion because he wanted to return to Demelza. The encounter with Elizabeth was freeing; he had finally admitted and said all that had been brewing in him since he found out she was working to prevent having his child. Now the albatross was cut loose and his heart was totally open to accept and give his love to Demelza. He was bursting with this feeling and couldn't wait to share it with her and anyone else who would listen.

Pascoe's assistant opened the door and escorted Ross into the office. He walked around the room and took it upon himself to pour a glass of port while he waiting for his friend to enter. Downing the drink in one swallow he was just putting the glass down when he heard a voice behind him.

"Aren't you celebrating a bit early my boy? You've still got much to settle before you can breathe easy."

Ross turned and greeted the imposing man. He shook his hand firmly and moved to sit in the chair opposite the desk.

"Perhaps not. I've come with some news regarding Francis's widow and estate," Ross said as he watched the older man take his seat behind the desk.

"What's happened? You seem overly excited, especially for you," Pascoe stated.

"I know. Some circumstances have changed that I think will affect the will and my personal situation."

"How so Ross?" Pascoe asked his glasses perched on the edge of his nose.

Ross took a breath and before relating the most important change.

"Demelza, Francis's widow, has lost the child she was carrying," he said softly.

"Is she alright?" There was genuine concern in Pascoe's voice.

"Yes, she will be fine. But without an heir from Francis, does the will transfer his estate to me?" Ross asked.

"Technically yes. You automatically become the heir to Trenwith and the rest of Francis's estate."

"Harris, I don't want anything to change at Trenwith. I want Verity and Agatha to stay there. Is that possible?"

It didn't slip past Pascoe that Ross omitted Demelza when he spoke of the residents of Trenwith.

"Yes, it's possible. As trustee and heir, you can dispose of the estate as you see fit. If you wish your relatives to remain at Trenwith that's your choice."

Ross smiled and nodded. "Then that's my choice. Nothing is to change at Trenwith."

"Ross, what about Demelza? You didn't mention her staying at Trenwith. Has she already made other arrangements now that there is no a longer a child to think about?"

The question was a valid one and Ross knew he needed to tell Pascoe everything if he was going to protect Demelza and plan a future with her. Plus he needed all the allies he could get in the fight that he knew was coming with George and Elizabeth.

"Demelza might have a change in her circumstance if everything else works out," Ross admitted.

Pascoe narrowed his eyes as he looked at Ross and could tell that whatever was going to change for Demelza had something to do with him.

"Is it possible that you are involved in Demelza's future?"

Ross couldn't contain his happiness and told Harris the truth.

"Yes. I believe so. If I can make this divorce come to pass from Elizabeth. Has George Warleggan sent any paperwork around regarding this?"

There was anxiety in his voice that was not lost on Pascoe.

"Not that I'm aware of. Why?"

"I was hoping that he had set the divorce proceedings in motion so that I can end this sham of a marriage sooner rather than later. He said that he could use his connections to get this done but I've heard nothing and when I spoke with Elizabeth earlier she knew even less."

Pascoe was surprised at that statement and took his glasses off to look at Ross without hindrance.

"You saw Elizabeth? Was that wise Ross? You could have given her the impression that you were interested in reconciliation," he warned.

"I highly doubt that," Ross replied with a smirk.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I made it perfectly clear that I never wanted to see her again. Or George for that matter. After what she did to Demelza, the sooner Elizabeth Chynoweth is out of my life the better,"

The venomous tone of Ross's statement was another surprise to Pascoe. He had never heard his friend speak in such a way. No matter how much he didn't like someone. Whatever Elizabeth has said or done must be extreme.

"What did she do, my boy?"

Ross looked up at his friend and reluctantly told him of Elizabeth's latest antic.

"She went to Trenwith to speak with Demelza and upset her to the point that it caused Demelza to lose the child. It was her fault that Demelza fell ill, Harris. I will never forgive her for that," he said with resolve in his voice.

The banker's curiosity got the better of him and he had to know the details. In his logical mind, it could help in their case. As Ross was speaking Pascoe was getting an idea that might help his friend get his marital issues resolved sooner rather than later. And without the need for help from George Warleggan.

"Ross where did you meet Elizabeth?" Pascoe asked.

"Where? At Cardew of course. Where she's been living for months," Ross stated.

This information was not what Pascoe expected to hear but was glad he did. He excused himself and left the room to go find his friend, Nat Pearce. Pearce being a solicitor would be the person to consult on this possible arrangement that could help their mutual friend Ross Poldark and facilitate what they had already started.

Harris entered with Pearce and returned to his place behind the desk, pulling another chair close for his partner to join him. Ross stood to greet him but was motioned to sit back down.

"Sit down my boy," Nat Pearce said. Ross did as he was told and relaxed in his seat, curious as to why the family solicitor was there now as well.

"Harris tells me you've got some trouble with your wife, my boy. Well, I can't say I'm surprised knowing her as I have as long as I've known you. I'm surprised you've escaped as unscathed as you have."

Ross was flummoxed by the way this elderly, well-respected member of Truro society was speaking about Elizabeth. Did everyone see her for what she was except him?

"Not exactly Mr. Pearce. That issue is still being worked on," Ross admitted.

"Yes, so I understand. However, wouldn't you want this over as expeditiously as possible? If we can arrange it?" the lawyer asked.

Ross looked from Pearce to Pascoe, who gave him a sly smile and then back again. It was clear these two men, longtime friends of his father and the Poldark family had something in mind to help him. Not having any idea what that might be he waited for them to reveal exactly what they had come up with.

"Ross, do you know Unwin Trevaunance?" Pascoe asked first.

Confused Ross answered with a question. "Isn't he our new MP?"

Pascoe nodded at the recognition and shared a glance with Pearce continued.

"Yes. He is. He is also able to make special decrees for things such as divorce. Since it appears that Elizabeth has been openly unfaithful with George Warleggan you have reason to petition for divorce."

Shaking his head, Ross smiled at their attempt to help him but he knew that while he had the reason, he didn't have the means.

"Harris this is all well and good but I do not have any capital or even anything to put up for collateral to get this through. Not to sound ungrateful, but how can this help me?" His response was earnest with a touch of disappointment.

"I know you think that you have no tangible assets that can help you with this but you do. Nat and I have spoken to Unwin and he is willing to make the petition on your behalf. Without the usual, extensive monetary accompaniment."

Ross didn't understand but apparently, these gentlemen were quite sure about this.

"You have two mines and a fairly decent working farm. Unwin, with some persuasion from us and his brother, another long time friend of your father's, has agreed to do this without anything more than a promissory note. Which, if needed, will be filed away never to be seen again. So you see, Ross, in a month, or weeks if we work in haste, you will have your divorce and be free to move on with your life."

He could not believe what he was hearing and yet, believed every word. If this was true, he could feasibly be rid of Elizabeth in a shorter period of time than if George tried to do this and be free to be with Demelza. However, a thought just occurred to him.

"Isn't Unwin the Warleggan candidate?" he asked.

"Yes. But in this instance family ties overshadowed that. Besides, that relationship will end once George travels to America. This will just expedite it," Pearce explained.

Ross now understood the whole scenario these men had created and saw how it could possibly work. The most important thing to him was Demelza and if on this occasion it meant making a deal with a politician, he would do it.

The men saw that he was contemplating what they proposed and waiting for his decision as Pascoe shared a look with Pearce. They wanted to help their old friend's son and knew that extreme measures might be needed. Using Unwin was one thing but the other part of this might not be as easy to get Ross to agree to.

"Alright, so you think Unwin Trevaunance can propose the divorce decree," Ross stated. "What else do I need to do? It's clear you two have something else to say because you're looking at each other like a couple of old guinea hens. So what is it?"

Pearce spoke this time as Pascoe sat back fingered his glasses as he watched Ross's face. He knew that what he was about to hear was not going to be accepted easily but must be done.

"Ross, Unwin will present the proposal to Parliament later this week. Once that is read it will only be a matter of time and persuasion to get it enacted. However," Pearce paused, glancing briefly at Pascoe again. Ross was getting impatient. He wanted to hear the rest of this plan and then go back to Demelza and tell her what was going on.

"Yes? However what?" Ross asked.

"You should not see Demelza until the divorce decree is finalized. And you are sure George and Elizabeth are well on their way to America."

"Not see Demelza?" Ross looked at Pascoe, questioning if this was true.

"You see my boy," Pascoe inserted, "keeping your distance from Demelza will ensure that George has no further ammunition to use against you. Or more importantly against Demelza. Do you understand?"

"Ammunition? You make it sound like we are at war," Ross said.

"In a way we are Ross," Pearce said. "You are attempting to end your marriage to the daughter of one of the oldest families in the county. That's rarely if ever done. The less attention you bring to yourself and Demelza during the process, the easier it will be for all. Trust me on this."

Ross saw knew that what Pearce was saying was right. As much as he might want to see Demelza, Ross agreed that protecting her was the most important thing in this whole debacle and if that meant a few days or even weeks apart it would be worth it for a lifetime of together.

"Alright. I'll get word to Demelza about all this and then you can do whatever it takes to get this thing done. I don't care if I lose everything. I'll do anything to end this. Is that clear?"

Ross was focused and sure as he spoke. He stood, offering his hand to these men who had taken it upon themselves to look out for him and Demelza. Ross never realized before that while he didn't have a father he did have father figures. And while Nat Pearce and Harris Pascoe were not blood, they might as well have been. Bowing slightly he took his leave. The solicitor and the banker watched as the young man walked out of their office and into a new life. Now they hoped that all would go as they planned and that they could help Ross Poldark find happiness.


	20. Chapter 20

_My dear Demelza,_

 _Thank you for your advice regarding Emma. She is doing much better and her milk output has increased greatly. I only wish I could say the same for Jud and Prudie. Do you happen to have a remedy for their idleness? On to more important subjects. How are you, my love? What has Dwight said about your progress? I do wish I could see you in person. I miss you. Hopefully, this impasse will end soon._

 _As Always,_

 _Ross_

Demelza was sitting in the garden reading this last letter from Ross; a smile came to her face and warmth filled her heart. The past two weeks had brought about changes not only to Trenwith but to her as well. Since Ross's visit, Demelza's recovery moved forward at record speed. Dwight was quite pleased with the fact that she was actually heeding his instructions and allowing her body to heal. He and Verity knew how hard it was for her to sit still when things needed to be done, so for her to relinquish power on even the simplest of household chores was considered an accomplishment.

To this end, Sam and Drake were called back to continue work on the outdoor buildings and fields. Their presence also helped lighten Demelza's mood as they were a reminder of the place where she came from and the friends she had. She did not feel so out of place with them around.

Now as she re-read Ross's letter she did something she had not allowed herself to do before; she made plans for the future with him. As much as she had come to love Trenwith and would miss Verity and Agatha, she was anxious to go to Nampara and make it a home for Ross and her. The fact that this dream was now on the brink of coming true was a lot for her to handle but she was ready. Demelza had never shirked away from a challenge and this was one she was wholeheartedly ready to take on.

She heard the door open and saw Verity coming towards her, a sign that her time outside was over and she was to go back inside and rest.

"What did my cousin have to say? Or shouldn't I ask?" Verity said as she helped Demelza stand. Linking arms the women walked slowly back to the house.

"Nothing much. Just sharing some news of Nampara. Maybe preparing me for what I'm going to come to," Demelza said softly.

Verity looked up at her sister in law and now a close friend and smirked.

"Yes. I'm sure he wants to make it know what you are going to face," Verity said.

"Verity, I would live on sprats in a one room cottage as long as it was with Ross," Demelza said. The emotion in her voice was clear and Verity gave her arm a squeeze. They continued into the house as the sun began to set.

 _Dearest Ross,_

 _I'm glad to hear of Emma's progress and that my "cure" for tail shot worked. As to your problem with Jud and Prudie, I don't have magic potions. Perhaps they just need someone other than you to give them orders. Have you become lax in your running of a household? As to your other question, I am feeling stronger every day and was even allowed to venture into the garden for a few minutes. I persuaded Verity that the fresh air would do me good. I know that being separated is what we need to do, but oh, how I miss you, Ross. Take care, my love._

 _Always,_

 _Demelza_

Ross was in the barn, honing a scythe when the note had been delivered. He put down the instrument, and after brushing his hands on his breeches, sat down on the steps to read it. He smiled as he imagined Demelza's voice as she wrote these words. Originally he was hesitant to listen to Pearce and Pascoe when they urged him to avoid seeing Demelza while things got settled with Elizabeth but Ross found that it had turned into a positive. Immediately after he left his banker and solicitor he had wanted to go back to Trenwith to update Demelza and the family what the outcome was of his meeting including the finalization of Francis's will. He thought better of that when he remembered what his friends had advised but also that Demelza was still gaining her strength. Instead, he sent a note to Verity and Demelza and informed them of what was happening. Knowing that she needed to rebuild her strength more than see him, he had followed up that first informational note with another more personal one. And from there they had continued to correspond with each other while they waited for news of his divorce.

His and Demelza's relationship and their coming together was unconventional, to say the least; he could not court her in the traditional sense so these short missives were their way of getting to know each other. Both of them knew that there was the immediate, kinetic attraction between them but these simple messages opened Ross and Demelza to basic sides of their personalities, thoughts, and feelings that were sometimes lost in that physical attraction that happened when they were face to face. It was the first time he had written letters to a woman he loved and he found himself at a loss for words, yet the short notes did wonders for his mood and even the simplest of news made him feel that Demelza was right there with him already sharing his life.

As the days passed, Ross looked around his humble surroundings and could easily see Demelza ensconced here, working beside him to make this a true home. That was something Nampara hadn't been since his mother had died. Ross never knew how much that mattered to him until Elizabeth was gone and he was left in this shell of a house that was bereft of warmth and love. Now, with just the thought of Demelza joining him the mood at Nampara had shifted. Even Jud and Prudie had taken to giving just a bit more servitude to him, without their usual grumbling. He would be curious to see how they accepted Demelza as mistress of Nampara when the time came.

Reading the letter once more, he folded it and put it aside, making a mental note to respond later when the chores were done. Each letter sent and received was a sign that they were one step closer to being together. Hopefully, the letters wouldn't be needed much longer.

 _My dear Demelza,_

 _I'm sure that Verity is being overprotective of you and is just looking out for your wellbeing. It is her way and I'm grateful that she is there to look out for you since I am not able to yet. Soon I hope to remedy that. I am making Nampara ready for your arrival here if that it is what you still wish. This is no Trenwith and needs much more work so if you decide that you would like to remain at Trenwith, I will understand and we can find another solution as to what to do about Nampara. The only thing I know is that I need you by my side, Demelza. I did not realize how much a part of my life you have become. I thought that I was content when I came home and married Elizabeth. Yet now, I know that was far from contentment and nothing close to love. I have never shared these thoughts with you before because I was not sure how to convey them but now, with the veil of darkness soon to be lifted from our lives, I am confident of our future._

 _From the moment we met, I knew that you would be an important part of my life. Little did I know that you would be the most important part of it. Out of respect for Francis and, at the time, my own marriage I tried with all my being to not let those feelings grow. However, the heart wants what the heart wants and there are times you cannot fight it. This is one of those times. The love I feel for you fills every fiber of my soul and I believe that fate has brought us to each other. Yes, I now believe in fate. The cynic in me has been replaced by someone who has hope. I owe that to you, my dear. As soon as I am able I hope to tell you this in person. Until then, take care. I love you Demelza._

 _As always,_

 _Ross_

Demelza was sitting in the parlor by the window. It was the first day she was fully dressed and felt like her old self. Agatha kept her company, playing cards but not reading futures and Demelza was glad. Until news came that Ross's affairs were settled she would rather not hear dire predictions or even speculation of what might happen. She set her mind to the fact that many people were working to help Ross and her get the happiness they wanted and deserved and relied on this positivity to get through the wait.

"Are you alright, child?" Agatha asked from where she sat. She narrowed her eyes as she inspected Demelza, who sat staring out at the grounds.

"Yes Aunt, I'm fine. I feel much better today. Almost healed I think," Demelza responded. Her mind was drifting to the fact that soon she would no longer be living here in Francis's home. It would be the last tie to her husband that would be severed and she wasn't quite sure how she felt about it.

"Well don't overdo it. We don't need you having a relapse and that hot-headed nephew of mine galloping over here again complaining that we didn't take care of you." The elderly woman took a sip of port and turned back to her cards.

Demelza walked over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Agatha looked up at her and was unexpectedly moved. None of her immediate relatives ever showed that kind of outward affection to her.

"Thank you, Aunt, for caring. Not only for me but for Ross too," Demelza said.

"Nonsense, I was just speaking the truth."

Demelza smiled and went to sit down as she waited for Dwight to arrive for his daily visit. She hoped that he would give her permission to venture further away from the house because she would love to take a walk near the beach. She knew that was a lot to ask but missed the peace and serenity of the ocean. Not getting her hopes up, Demelza picked up a small tapestry and began work on it as her mind wandered to Nampara and the man who waited for her there.

 _Dearest Ross,_

 _I don't know where to begin. Your words have touched me and are a balm to my soul. I never thought that I would find the kind of love I have found with you. This is not to say that I didn't love Francis, but as Verity pointed out, it was not the kind of love that would sustain a marriage. And it's not the kind of love she says she sees between us. I don't know what she sees, but perhaps we were not as careful as we should have been in hiding our feelings._

 _I too never expected to be struck by these emotions when we met, but I was. And like you, out of respect for Francis and my marriage did my best to keep them away and just be your friend. But oh my love, I lost that battle. I know that all you are going through with Elizabeth is for our benefit and to protect me, but I am stronger than you think and can handle myself. Remember, I always have flour around if needed._

 _That being said, I am working every day to get stronger so that when we are able to be together there is nothing stopping me from joining you at Nampara and starting life anew with you. Dear Ross, I don't know what I did to deserve to be loved by someone like you, but if it was fate, then I will thank whoever is in charge for the rest of my days._

 _Take care my dearest and remember that I love you too._

 _Forever yours,_

 _Demelza_

Ross had been sitting in his library reading the latest letter from Demelza and his heart swelled. It has been a few weeks since Ross's visit to Pascoe and Pearce where it was decided that he would be the one to file for divorce with the help of Unwin Trevaunance, MP and now the prospect of a future with Demelza was close to becoming a reality. It was no longer merely a dream but a tangible that he was getting used to. In all his years, Ross Poldark had never wanted or needed something as much as he did Demelza Carne. This feeling that she was a long lost part of his being who was dropped into his life at a time when he didn't realize he needed her was new to him. It also challenged his ability to give up some control to fate; a trait that Demelza seemed to manage easily but he was unsure how to incorporate into his beliefs. Ross never liked to give up control or lose it. That is why the presence of George in his personal life and as dictator of his fate was hard for him to handle. So when the opportunity presented itself where he could make the decision about the dissolution of marriage on his own terms he took it. Even if it meant being beholden to his friends for a time. It was the first time his pride took a back seat to love for another.

Ross was about to answer Demelza's letter when he heard what he thought was a horse on his property. He wasn't expecting anyone and was surprised when looking out the window he saw Demelza and Verity. Not believing that she would risk her health to ride over from Trenwith he was ready to go out and scold her but stopped when he realized that she was actually here. Bursting out of the front door, Ross walked to the ladies and helped them down, while Jud took the horses to bet water around the side of the house. He stood in front of Demelza, holding her hands, staring at her, his hand instinctually going up to caress her cheek. The urge to kiss her was strong and Ross saw the same need in Demelza's eyes, but they knew it best to restrain from such actions in case someone should see.

Verity stood to the side and let them have this moment, as small as it was.

"Demelza what are you doing here? Does Dwight know you've taken to riding again? Did he release you to it?" Ross asked, his hands never letting go while his eyes scanned her body for any sign of strain or illness.

"My goodness, Ross. You sound like a mother hen. To answer your question, I wouldn't be here without Dwight's permission. Isn't that right Verity?" She turned to Ross's cousin for confirmation of what she said.

"Yes, Ross, it's true. Dwight has released Demelza to almost full activity. And she can begin doing everyday things as long as she stops when she feels tired and doesn't overdo it. So I've been assigned to chaperone her for the time being," Verity said with a smile.

Ross looked between the two women and his gaze came to rest on Demelza. She looked beautiful. A little thinner but her eyes sparkled again against the frame of red hair.

"I see. So, my dear, you persuaded Dwight to let you do what you want. You seem to have some power over men, Demelza. Should I be worried?"

Demelza knew Ross was teasing and let him. It was good to feel like a normal person again and not have to hide their feelings for each other or in general.

"That depends on whether this supposed power includes you or not," she teased.

"I believe you've had power over me from the day we met. But we can discuss that later. Let's go inside and I'll see if Prudie can manage a pot of tea. That shouldn't be too taxing for her," Ross said.

Smiling back at Demelza he led both she and Verity into the house. As they were about to enter another horse and rider came up behind them. Ross was beginning to wonder when Nampara became such a haven for passersby. Turning to greet the visitor, he saw that the rider appeared to be a messenger and not just a neighbor. Leaving the ladies by the front door, Ross waited for the person to approach and as he did, held out an official looking letter to Ross. He took it and opened it immediately. He read it once and the again. By the third time, his face broke into a huge grin that had Verity and Demelza wondering what it could possibly contain. Ross looked over at them and slapping the paper against his hand walked straight to Demelza and dropped to one knee.

Verity put her hand to her mouth and gasped. Demelza was too shocked to do anything except stare at the scene playing out before her. She bent her head and closed her eyes as Ross took her hand. Feeling her throat tightened with emotion, Demelza started to speak.

"Ross," she whispered, "What are you doing?"

With his own eyes filled with tears, Ross tilted his head up and looked at Demelza, struggling to find the words he'd been longing to say for almost a year. Now faced with the moment, he found the old Poldark disease of being tongue-tied upon him and the sentiments he wished to expressed buried under the emotions that filled him. He was about to open his heart to this woman and love of his life when once again the sound of horses came from the distance. This time there was also the sound of wheels as if a carriage was behind them.

Peering over Ross's shoulder Verity saw whom was approaching and was shocked. The ornate carriage was easily recognizable as belonging to only one person.

"George," she gasped. Ross stood up and turned to look at what she was staring at. There, on his property was George Warleggan, dressed in his usual regalia. Sitting beside him was Elizabeth, poised like a primped up poodle but without the usual smirk on her face. Instead, there was indifference. The carriage came to stop a few feet away from the gate and George descended.

Ross turned to Demelza and whispered, "Go inside Demelza. I don't want you upset with whatever this pompous poodle is going to do. Please."

Demelza shook her head slightly and held Ross's hand firmly.

"I told you before Ross, I'm stronger than you think. And if we are to start a life together we should face everything, the good and the bad." She looked past him to George and Elizabeth and continued. "I think this is the bad. Besides, this might be a good test for our relationship," she said simply.

He could not believe the strength of this woman and found himself admiring and loving her even more.

"Fine, Demelza. But one remark or action towards you and you go inside, is that understood?"

Not liking the rules he laid down but agreeing that she shouldn't risk her health she agreed.

"Yes, Ross. If that's what you wish," she said meekly but with a crooked smile.

"It's what I wish. Now let's see what our visitor is here for."

Ross left Demelza and walked to George and ignored Elizabeth's presence.

"George? To what do I owe this visit?" Ross was overly pleasant and it was disconcerting to George.

"It seems we've interrupted some special moment. Could it be you've gotten the same news as Elizabeth did?"

George leaned on a walking stick, gripping his gloves in his hands a smirk across his face.

"And what news might that be, George?" Ross asked, the letter still in his hand.

"Come now Ross, don't be coy. I see you're holding the same letter that Elizabeth got earlier. That your divorce decree has been granted. And from the scene we came upon, it seems you are already moving on. The ink isn't even dry yet on the parchment and you're on your knees, proposing to your cousin. Isn't that a little gauche?"

Verity and Demelza exchanged looks when they heard George say that the divorce had been granted. For her part, Demelza wanted to run up to Ross's side and stand there while he faced down George but Verity held her back. They both knew Ross wanted to handle this by himself and so stayed put while the conversation continued.

"If you must know then yes, I have gotten the letter finalizing the divorce. I would think you and Elizabeth would be happy about it as well. Now you can leave for America. And from the looks of it, you have already moved on as well. Unless those trunks are donations for the poor," Ross said, the sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Behind him, Demelza and Verity fought the urge to laugh out loud, not just at Ross's take down of George but at the fact that this whole bloody nightmare might soon be over. They watched as Ross stepped closer to George, his gaze still avoiding Elizabeth. Demelza, on the other hand, could not stop herself from looking directly at her once rival and remembering what she had done to her. Elizabeth returned the stare and watched as Demelza's hand slipped instinctually to her abdomen. The brunette in the carriage averted her look by suddenly finding interest in the surrounding area.

George stood his ground and continued his verbal battering of Ross.

"I have to admire you Poldark. The respect that you seem to garner from everyone without even trying it something to be in awe of. How did you get Unwin Trevaunance to go against his sponsor, namely me, and do your bidding? I know you couldn't have bribed him because you have nothing to offer."

"Maybe George not everyone is driven by money like you. Maybe Mr. Trevaunance just wanted to help a friend," Ross taunted.

"Could be. Except that I know you're not his friend. Oh, perhaps it was your father's old comrades who bribed him in some way. Every politician has a price. I should know. Or maybe, you offered him something more fetching than money," George said, his line of vision going past Ross to Demelza. He made eye contact with her and gave her a lecherous smile.

That was the final straw where Ross was concerned. He calmly turned and walked back to the women. He handed Demelza the parchment validating their future and then kissed her hand.

"Verity, take Demelza inside while George and I finish this discussion once and for all."

He gently pushed them to move into the house as he gave them a wink. Demelza didn't want to leave but did as Ross asked. Verity took her arm and led her inside to the parlor.

"Here Demelza sit. And if you're really curious about what's going on, you can watch from the window."

Verity placed her in a chair by the front window, which gave her a perfect vantage point to watch Ross and George bring this rivalry to an end. Demelza smiled up at her sister in law and patted her hand.

"Thank you. What do you think Ross is going to do? Verity, I don't want him to do something stupid that might ruin the start of our new life. Can you understand?"

Demelza was clearly worried and Verity couldn't blame her. She knew that when pushed Ross could be extremely reckless and anything like that could ruin all the positive work they've done already. Looking out the window she saw that Ross and George were no longer having a pleasant conversation.

"I'm going out there to see what these two are discussing. Demelza, you stay put," Verity said. Pouring her a small glass of port, she handed Demelza the glass and went back outside to watch the proceedings from the doorway. She saw Ross directly in front of George, his hands rising to clutch the fop's coat front. Straining to hear what he was saying she kept still hoping the breeze would carry their words. In the meantime Elizabeth sat poised in the carriage, not caring about the goings on around her and looking exceedingly bored.

"Listen here George, I have had just about enough of your snide remarks and comments about Demelza. I'm beginning to wonder if you're not jealous that I got the better end of the deal and you are stuck with, well let's just say, the lesser bargain. However, that was your choice to take on Elizabeth and for that, I will be eternally grateful. Now please, take your dandified self and your new companion and leave my property."

George was taken aback by his actions and for a moment feared that he would feel the blows of Ross's wrath. However, he was not that put off to keep from attacking Ross verbally. If there was one thing that George would not accept was a defeat; especially to Ross Poldark. True that he got the woman he supposedly loved and would, no matter how much success Ross found in his mines, always be wealthier than Poldark. However, George would not let Ross get the last word. The thing about Ross that galled George the most was is the ability to get people of every social class to support his endeavor no matter what it might be. The Warleggans have had to struggle for acceptance in society since they reached wealth status and still they had to fight for entry in every circle. Ross, who had defamed his family name with his antics before coming back a war hero, was able to get common and gentry alike to aid and abet almost every endeavor. This last one, whereby he was able to persuade the Warleggan candidate to propose his petition for divorce based on Elizabeth's supposed infidelity, was the last straw. The ironic thing was that while Elizabeth was living at Cardew she had refused to consummate that relationship with George. Whether it was because of moral fortitude or the fact that she was just frigid was not the point. Their names were dragged through this scandal and George did not reap any of the benefits. Not even the satisfaction of humiliating Ross. So before they left for America, George was going to make sure he got the part shot, even if he lost control of the field.

"I will gladly leave Ross. I can see that you want time alone with that slut you're intent on marrying. I'm surprised you're willing to take on your cousin's leftovers. Although I suppose your standards were lowered after being in America," George goaded.

Ross knew what he was doing and fought taking the bait.

"Actually George, I would say marrying Elizabeth was lowering my standards as she admitted to never loving me. In fact, I doubt she can love anyone, not even herself. So I wish you well on your future with her. You're going to need it," Ross countered.

"I doubt that Ross. I think you should be the one wishing for a happy future if you go through with your plan to marry that urchin. I'm sure she can service you in the bedroom but what else can she do for you? Unless that is all that you want. It's clear that money and status mean nothing to you," George said. He barely got the last words out before Ross pulled back and punched him. He made contact with the dandy's jaw and watched as he wobbled on his feet.

"I told you before George, that I would not tolerate any disparaging remarks about Demelza. I thought I made that clear but apparently, you need it to be drummed into you. Now for the last time, take your miserable self and your new courtesan and leave."

Ross grabbed George and held him up so that they were nose to nose, without anything separating them when he saw two figures appear over the hill. Sam and Drake were apparently walking back to their cottage and decided to take the path past Nampara. Ross saw them approach and let George go, leaving him to gain his balance again.

"Captain Poldark, is something wrong?" Sam asked.

Ross left George where he was and walked to the young men, not knowing whether to tell them the truth or make up a story. Remembering that they were Demelza's friends and that she was watching Ross decided that lying would accomplish nothing. Besides having two strapping young men in his midst might be the final thing needed to send George on his way. Ross couldn't help but notice how Elizabeth had eyed them both, paying particular attention to Drake. He shook his head at her blatant disregard for George's feelings and presence. Maybe he did feel sorry for George as it was clear Elizabeth cared little or nothing for him. Luckily that was not his concern; the only thing that was his concern was the woman sitting in his parlor waiting for him.

"Nothing is wrong Sam. Thank you for asking. My friend George here and his soon to be fiancée were just saying goodbye before they left for America," Ross said. He turned to George, who was now brushing himself off and spoke, "Isn't that right George?"

George walked towards Ross and the young men. He was obviously still shaken from the encounter so said stiffly," Yes. I just wanted to bid farewell to Ross. As Elizabeth and I will most likely never see him again."

Sam picked up that something was not right with this situation but didn't question it since it was not his place. He turned to Ross, who gave Sam an imperceptible nod which set the young man to back off. Ross on the other hand just wanted George and Elizabeth gone and saw that these two Illuggan miners could be useful for this.

"Sam?" Ross asked. "Do you think you can escort Mr. Warleggan and his companion to the edge of the property and get them back on the road? I think Mr. Warleggan is a bit shaken from our—conversation."

Ross smiled at Sam, who understood immediately what the Captain wanted him to do. Motioning to Drake, the men put down their satchels and went to help George back into the carriage. George shrunk away afraid of what the bigger and younger men might do and so stepped into the coach of his own accord, taking a seat next to Elizabeth. Drake shut the door as Sam went to sit with the driver and steer them away from the house, making its way slowly down the path. Drake walked next to it for a while and it wasn't lost on Ross how Elizabeth kept giving him a sideways glance. Ross crossed back to the gate and saw Verity standing there for the first time.

"I thought I told you to stay inside with Demelza. How long have you been standing there?" he asked just bit annoyed.

"Ross, Demelza is capable of sitting in a room alone. Besides, Prudie was in the house if she needed anything. I came out just to make sure you didn't do anything stupid," Verity replied.

"So you must have been disappointed since nothing of significance happened."

"What do you call the punch you gave George? A farewell gesture?" Verity tried to sound annoyed but was trying to keep from laughing.

"Where George and I are concerned I would say yes."

Ross had reached Verity's side and smiling down, linked arms with her to guide her back into the house when he saw Demelza in the doorway. Ross stepped away from Verity as Demelza walked towards him flinging herself into his arms.

"Ross! That was brilliant!" she cried. "I can't believe you actually hit him! What made you do it?"

He pulled out of her hug to look into her eyes. She apparently hadn't heard what George had said and he was glad for that. The last thing he wanted was to start their lives with a cloud of hateful remarks over them.

"It doesn't matter Demelza. Let's just say that I was tired of him showing up unannounced and interrupting me when I've got important things to do."

With his hands now holding her face, Ross kissed her gently. Demelza's eyes fluttered closed as she moved her hands to grab onto his arms. They stayed like that for a few moments only separating when they heard Verity clear her throat. Still holding on to each other, they smiled, clearly not embarrassed for their display.

"What other important things could you have to do, Ross?" Demelza asked shyly.

She had read the letter from Pascoe and knew that they were free. It was the reason she didn't hesitate a minute ago when Ross kissed her out in the open. On the contrary, she was glad to be able to express her feelings openly.

"This," he said.

Once again he dropped to his knee and took her hand. By this point, Sam and Drake had returned in time to see what was going on. Verity made a move to go back to the gate and join them so that Ross and Demelza had just a small semblance of privacy.

"Demelza Carne Poldark, for almost a year you have filled a place in my heart that I didn't know was empty. You came into this family unassuming and like a breath of fresh air. Your honesty and giving nature is something that I had never encountered before and frankly didn't know how to handle. Until you showed me that by letting things happen as they may, you can make your own fate. Out of a tragedy, we have found joy. I know that we both loved Francis and I believe that he would want us to be happy and find love again. So if you'll have me and all that comes with me, I would like nothing more than for you to be my wife."

Demelza was crying by the last word as were Verity, Sam, and Drake. Even Prudie, who had taken to peeking out from the kitchen to watch the scene was sniffling into her apron. Ross saw that Demelza was overcome and began to worry when she didn't answer right away. He was going to stand up when he felt her hand on his shoulder holding him in place.

"Ross, I don't know what to say. You are right that our meeting and falling in love was not planned or sought. As I've often said, fate plays with our lives and puts us on a path we then have to decide to take. Our paths led us to each other," she said softly. Her hand grazed his cheek, close to his scar and Ross truly was beginning to think he had just made an utter fool of himself.

"Demelza, I…."

Demelza cut him off, "Let me finish my love. You're right that the tragedy we both experienced allowed us to find the right road. However, before I can accept your proposal I have to do one thing. Verity?"

She called her sister in law over and ever so slowly, took off her wedding ring and gave it to Francis's sister. Demelza then whispered in her ear, "You know I loved him but it's time to let him go."

Verity let the tears come and nodding simply said, "Yes. I think he would want it this way Demelza. He loved you both." Taking the small gold ring, Verity bent down and placed a kiss on Ross's head and before returning to where she was standing said firmly, "Treat her right, Ross. She's the best thing that ever happened to you."

Ross did stand now to give his cousin a hug and say, "Have no worries on that score cousin. I promise to make her happy."

He turned back to Demelza, who, now totally unfettered was ready to answer his question.

"Ross Vennor Poldark, I will gladly and happily become your wife."


	21. Chapter 21

Trying Not to Love You-21

June 24th brought a glorious summer day with just the right amount of heat balanced out by an occasional breeze. The foliage around the church was in full bloom and the light, fragrant scents that wafted into the small room gave it a feeling of joy, mirroring the mood of those in attendance. The pews were filled with both gentry and villagers, all of whom had, in some way, become friends with either the bride or groom or both. News that Ross Poldark of Nampara was marrying his cousin's widow traveled through the county quicker than the discovery of a mining lode and was received with both surprise and gladness. Those who knew the circumstances of the engagement were happy that two people who had faced despair had found each other and, in turn, love. Most of those people were miners or old friends of Ross who had seen him grow up and knew that he had been unhappy since he returned from America. They were also the group that had come to know Demelza and found her to be kind, generous and feisty; a perfect match for Ross.

The other occupants were from the Poldark social circle; the gentry who had judged from afar because they assumed they knew the truth. If they didn't like what they heard, they made up their own. They were the people, who had whispered behind Ross and Demelza's back; who had taken Elizabeth's side in this phantom competition of the blame game and who thought that Ross was marrying Demelza strictly to secure the Trenwith estate. They were not the first invitees on the list but as Verity reminded him, against his standard moral code, that he needed to keep these people as friends if he wanted his business to prosper and his marriage to be accepted. And so here they were. The rich and the poor gathered together to witness the nuptials of Ross Poldark and Demelza Carne Poldark.

The groom was nervous; a rare emotion for him so it was a positive factor that his witness was a doctor. Dwight kept checking on his best friend to make sure he didn't pass out from the excitement of the day. Wearing his best burgundy dress coat, one that he kept for special occasions, Ross was ready for this day to get started. For his marriage to Elizabeth, he wore black. That should have been a sign right then and there of things to come, but today, he felt that a color that represented his heart was more appropriate. His white shirt and stock were crisp and his boots were polished but the most noticeable thing was that Ross cut his hair to a manageable curl. He knew Demelza liked it wild and unruly but even he convinced her that for church and this day, a trim would be needed.

After his proposal, he and Demelza spent a few days getting used to the idea that they were actually going to have the rest of their lives together. They enjoyed sharing walks and teas and supper, acting like a couple courting while planning their wedding. Demelza had wanted something small and intimate, with only the immediate family and closest of friends in attendance and at first, Ross agreed. Then as he thought about it, he decided that he didn't want to make it seem like he was ashamed of his new wife and wanted to share his happiness with the people in his life that meant the most not only to him but to Demelza as well. So he convinced her that they should have a full and proper wedding with all the trimmings. Seeing Ross's enthusiasm, she acquiesced but insisted that the party was not to be held at Trenwith but at Nampara, their home. Ross agreed that their new life should start in their own home. Weeks were spent coming up with lists of guests, food, and decorations.

Verity was of invaluable help with Demelza's personal preparation. Together they put together her dress and accessories all while keeping Ross in the dark and he hated it. He hated not knowing what was going on right under his nose but was excited by the element of surprise. And now that the day had come, he was impatient to see his soon to be wife although it didn't matter what she wore as long as she became his. As Dwight was to stand by Ross, so to Verity was to be Demelza's witness. They had truly become sisters during the past months and there was no one else either Ross or she wanted to stand by them as they were married.

Ross was anxious to see Demelza since they stayed apart for the past few days, only sending messages to each other to communicate. He was surprised when Dwight handed him one this morning on their way to church. After reading it, Ross folded it back into a small square and put it in his coat pocket. As he stood waiting he remembered the words Demelza had written.

 _Dearest Ross,_

 _Only a few more hours until our lives truly begin. Take heart, my love, that I have never been surer of anything in my life than I am about marrying you. Becoming your wife, partner, lover, and mother of our children is my fate. And I promise to make you happy and to never give you cause to regret loving me. I cannot wait to become your wife. Meet you at the church. Don't be late._

 _All my love, always_

 _Demelza_

He watched as the congregation had finally settled into the pews after milling about greeting each other. Harris Pascoe and Nat Pearce sat towards the front on the groom's side along with Ross's Aunt Agatha representing the Poldark family. For Demelza, Sam and Drake took a position on the opposite side of the church along with most of the miners and their families from both Poldark mines. Demelza's father and stepmother were not in attendance at the behest of the bride. She wanted to make this about love, commitment, and the future, not about the past. Ross understood that and didn't press the issue. Now as he took his position at the front of the church he waited, trying to keep his fidgetiness to a minimum. He had turned to Dwight for some reassurance when he heard a buzz coming from the crowd. Looking up he saw Verity at the back of the church, just at the end of the aisle. She was lovely in a soft green gown with flower embroidery woven into the skirt and hem; her head covered in a wide-brimmed hat. As she made her way down the aisle to join Ross and Dwight she gave her cousin the slightest nod of approval and a smile that said, "Just wait until you see Demelza."

The wait was over as silhouetted in the doorway, the sun bathing her in soft light was Demelza. Ross strained to see over the crowd but he didn't need to bother because all of sudden she was walking towards him, taking his breath away. He noticed that she was wearing a dress he hadn't seen since he was a boy. It was one of his mother's that apparently she and Verity had altered to fit her tiny frame. It was of the palest blue, which offset her eyes and made them even more spectacular. The material was a fine satin and cut in such a way that it accentuated and flattered her figure more so than anything else he's seen her wear. Her flaming red hair was loose, falling down about her, framing her face in torrents of curls with just sprigs of wildflowers scattered through it. She carried a bouquet of some of the same flora, her hands holding a lace handkerchief as well. He noticed it was monogrammed with initials of some kind but couldn't tell exactly what they were. That diversion ended as his focus traveled back up to Demelza's face. As she approached, Ross felt his throat tighten and his eyes water. She was the most exquisite being he had ever seen and she was his.

Demelza walked slowly towards Ross, her hands shaking and her knees feeling just the slightest bit wobbly. She heard, rather than felt, the dress rustle as she took those steps that led her to her new life. At first, she was reluctant to wear something that belonged to Ross's mother, but when Verity said it would fit perfectly into an old wedding tradition, Demelza couldn't resist. It was made of the richest material she had ever felt and yet the softest. The color reminded her of the ocean that lapped at the shore, where the water was the lightest blue. It had needed alterations and Verity was kind enough to do them for her so that no one else would know what she was going to be married in. So the dress represented the "something old, something blue" part of weddings. In her hands, she carried a small bouquet of her favorite wildflowers that she gathered herself this morning. It was something she insisted on doing as she did every day when she went on her walk but it would also calm her nerves. In her hands she also carried a lace handkerchief; that was her "something borrowed" from Verity.

The aisle seemed longer than she remembered and her steps were hesitant. Perhaps it was because of the sixpence in her shoe; another good luck token that was given to her by Aunt Agatha. Or maybe it was because the new silk stockings she was wearing made her shoes feel as if they would slide off at any moment. Those were her "something new" and were a surprise gift from Ross. Verity handed her the package this morning as they had tea and Demelza was shocked that he would think to give her a gift when in her mind, he and his love were the only gifts she wanted or needed. When she opened the tissue paper, a small piece of parchment fell out of it. She smiled as she knew it was another note from Ross. The letters and notes they'd shared while they waited to be together were the best kinds of courting they could have done. She loved each note no matter how short or simple and she kept them in a box so that when they were an old married couple she could take them out and read them to remember. The note from this morning made her cry but instead of putting it in the box, she folded it and stashed it in her corset, close to her heart. She was sure that some would consider it improper but she didn't care. It was a silly gesture but eased her nerves to have Ross's words with her.

 _My most beloved Demelza,_

 _Please accept these as a small token of my love. I didn't know if you had any stockings to wear with your dress and Verity suggested you might like a pair such as these. I also believe that you needed something new to finish your wedding tradition, so consider these the last piece. Except in my heart, the "something new" is our life together and the ring I will put on your finger. Dearest Demelza, if gifts were given to husbands on their wedding day then I would already have all I need since you agreed to share your life with me. I love you, dearest heart, and cannot wait to become your husband, partner, lover, and father of our children. See you soon. And don't be late._

 _All my love, always,_

 _Ross_

Now as Demelza got closer to Ross, her heartbeat gained momentum pushing against the parchment at her breast. _This was really happening_ she thought as a smile came to her face. Then without realizing it she had reached the altar and saw Ross hold out his arm to her. Letting go of the flowers she took a hold of it and gave him a squeeze. Ross laid his other hand on top of hers and led her to the final few steps to the altar. As they came to a stop Ross whispered in her ear.

"See I'm not late."

Keeping her eyes forward toward Reverend Odgers, Demelza replied, "Nor I."

She let a smirk cross her lips as they waited for the ceremony to begin and ignored the disapproving look the reverend gave her, but it was not lost on Ross. Not wanting to ruin this day for Demelza he let it slide for now. That was not to say he wouldn't take it up with him at a later date. Right now this moment was about him and Demelza. He felt her trembling next to him and held her hand tighter for which she was grateful. Suddenly their attention was drawn to the monotone voice of Reverend Odgers as the ceremony began.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together to join this man and this-woman-in holy matrimony. If anyone knows any reason they should not be joined let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

The usual pause occurred as the congregation waited for a possible response from someone amongst their group. Ross briefly looked over his shoulder as if to warn anyone who might be thinking of voicing any sort of objection to reconsider. He caught the eye of Pascoe and Pearce and nodded, knowing that they would jump to his defense if needed as would Zacky Martin who sat on the opposite side. Satisfied that no one would dare ruin this day he turned back to Demelza and the reverend.

She leaned over towards him and said softly, "Are you sure _you're_ not having second thoughts?"

"None whatsoever. You?" he questioned in reply.

Demelza just shook her head and said, "No."

Ross looked up at Reverend Odgers and indicated for him to move the ceremony along. Seeing that this wedding was going to happen despite his not liking it he continued. Staring down at Ross he began again, the disapproving tone in his voice obvious.

"Do you Ross Vennor Poldark, take this woman to be thy wedded wife to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her? Comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her as long as you both shall live?"

He turned his attention to Demelza and answered loud enough for everyone to hear, "I do."

Demelza gave him a radiant smile as tears started to form, making her blue eyes shimmer and his heart swell with love. He held her hand tight as the Reverend began her vows.

"And do you Demelza Carne Poldark, take this man to be thy wedded husband to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt though love him? Comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him as long as you both shall live?"

Squeezing Ross's hand she replied simply, "I do".

The reverend turned to Ross and asked if he had a ring. Dwight stepped up and handed Ross the simple gold band. He ran his finger through the opening and felt for the inscription he had requested. Holding it firmly so that he didn't drop it in his nervous state, Ross looked to the reverend for instruction on what to do next.

"Ross, place the ring on Demelza's finger and repeat these words: with this ring, I thee wed. And with all my worldly goods I thee endow." He spoke flatly as if he were bored with the whole event and was ready to move on to the party.

Taking Demelza's hand in his, he slipped the ring on her slender finger and repeated the words as the reverend instructed. Holding the ring in place, he rubbed it gently with his hand as if to seal it. Seeing that the ring was in place the Reverend took their joined hands and held them for a final blessing.

"That which God hath joined together let no man put asunder. I know pronounce you man and wife."

With the final words Ross, not caring who was there or that they were in church or that it was unconventional took Demelza's face in his hands and kissed her. It wasn't long but it was full of promise and Demelza reciprocated, her hands holding onto his arms. They broke apart when Dwight started clapping and a cheer went up in the crowd. As the guests rose and started to depart, Ross stayed focused on Demelza brushing his thumbs across her cheeks wiping away the tears that fell as she broke into a wide smile, lighting up her face and the small chapel. Dwight patted him on the back to remind him that they needed to go out and greet their guests. After giving him a hug, he pushed him to start walking out.

"Ross, I know that you and Demelza would love to be alone, but you have the rest of your lives for that. Now you have to out there and receive the congratulations of your friends. And then my friend, we celebrate," Dwight said.

Dwight looked over the newly married couple to Verity who smiled and worked with him to get the bride and groom going so the wedding could continue at Nampara. As Ross and Demelza led the way back up the aisle, arms linked and leaning against each other, Dwight and Verity followed. They exited the church and were greeted by a shower of petals and paper confetti being thrown at them with cries of "congratulations" coming from all sides. Glancing at each other, Ross couldn't help but give Demelza another kiss, the joy coursing through his body overflowing and he wanted to share it with everyone.

"My friends, Demelza and I thank you for coming here this morning and witnessing our marriage. And there will be time for speeches later but for now, let's go back to Nampara and continue the celebration," he shouted.

The crowd cheered again and started to disperse as they walked or rode towards the house.

Turning towards their best friends and witnesses, Demelza asked, "Verity can you and Dwight lead the guests back to Nampara? There is one more thing I need to do here."

"Of course my dear," she said as she gave her a hug. "I'm so happy for you Demelza."

Ross took Dwight by the shoulders and thanked him again.

"Dwight thank you, for everything. Demelza and I wouldn't be here today if you hadn't-well-just been a friend," Ross said his voice filled with emotion.

"My friend, it makes me glad to see you so happy," Dwight said. "You've found a perfect match in Demelza. She's a remarkable woman."

Both men looked over at the ladies, who were in quiet conversation, bright smiles on their faces.

"Indeed," Ross replied.

"Dr. Enys," Verity called over, "I believe we are in charge of getting the celebration started. Shall we?" Verity held out her arm and waited for him to join her.

"Perhaps you'll be next Dwight," Ross said casting a look over at his cousin.

"I don't think matchmaking is your calling, Ross. Just focus on your own new wife."

With that, Dwight tipped his hat and strode over to Verity and Demelza. He kissed Demelza's hand before taking Verity's arm and starting on the path to Nampara. Ross walked to join his new wife as they watched everyone disappear into the grove of trees. Once they were alone, Ross linked his hand with Demelza's and pulled her towards him.

"Well Mistress Poldark, are you ready to join our friends and toast our marriage?" Ross's tone was light, his face bright with a smile that made his eyes crinkle and the scar seem even more attractive.

Demelza reached up and touched his cheek before leaving a kiss in its wake.

"I am. But I want to do something else first," she said. Stepping away from Ross she headed towards the cemetery coming to stand in front of Francis's grave. Demelza untied the ribbon holding the bouquet, took a few of the flowers and crouching carefully so her dress didn't get dirty, placed them on the ground in front of the newly erected headstone. It was the first time Ross or Demelza had seen it. She was glad that it was simple without any flourish as it represented the man that they knew Francis to be. As she stood, she placed something else on the granite: Francis's wedding ring. It had been tied to the ribbon of her flowers. Holding her hand over it, Demelza spoke softly, almost under her breath.

"Dear Francis. I hope you know I loved you. And I hope you'll be happy for me. For us. Watch over us dear one."

Taking the handkerchief that she's been holding all morning, she wiped her eyes. Ross watched her and finally saw that the initials on the lacey material were Verity's. _Something borrowed_ , he thought. He moved forward and took her elbow as support.

"Do you think he knows, Ross? Do you think he's happy for us?" she asked.

Gazing at his new wife, Ross looked down at his cousin's final resting place and answered her.

"Yes my love, I do. I think in some odd, karmic way, this was meant to be," he replied. He took her hand that held the shiny new ring and started to take it off.

"Ross! What are you doing? Don't tell me you've changed your mind already?" she cried.

He said nothing but slipped it off her finger and held it up for her to see.

"I had this engraved. Take a look," he said, holding it out for her to see.

Demelza took the ring. She twisted it to look inside the band and saw one word. Smiling she looked back up at her husband and the tears surfaced anew.

"Fate," she whispered.

"Yes, my love, because as much as I hate to admit it, I believe you were right that this whole thing was fate."

Ross took the ring back and slipped it on her finger again, kissing it in place. Demelza touched his head, her hand grazing the dark curls that were starting to fall waywardly across his forehead. Ross looked up at her and again kissed her. He would never tire of kissing her.

"Remember that Ross," she teased.

"Remember what?"

"That I'm usually right. Now shall we go and enjoy our wedding day?" she asked.

"Yes my love, let's go," Ross said as he took her hand and they started to walk past the rest of the Poldark family. Demelza stopped again and placed two more flowers on Grace and Joshua's graves. Picking up their joined hands, he kissed hers again.

"Thank you, my love, for doing that. My father did love my mother no matter what others believed. I hope that I can honor and worship you as he did her," Ross vowed.

"You already have, dearest. You already have."

They walked slowly out of the churchyard and Ross lifted Demelza onto Darkie so they could ride towards their home, their friends, and their new life.

As they reached the outskirts of Nampara land, Ross and Demelza heard music and laughter coming from the area around the house. The ride home had been quiet with neither of them talking much. The solemnity of the day had hit them as they stood in the churchyard, looking at the Poldarks who had passed. Ross had gotten passed his nerves once the ceremony was over and he kissed Demelza but now, as they got closer to Nampara, the reality that the woman he had loved for so long was now his wife sank in. He was now responsible for her, their home, the mines and Francis' estate. It was not nerves he was dealing with now but disbelief that for once in his life he actually had all he wanted. The only thing he was uneasy about was tonight when he and Demelza would finally be able to express the love they had in the most basic and complete way. The wait to get to today had been almost unbearable except for the fact that he loved her more than he could ever express so the importance of their wedding night was not lost on him.

As they reached the stone gate, Ross brought Darkie to a halt and slid off before helping Demelza down. He seized her hand pulling it to his lips to leave another kiss on it. Demelza accepted it and smiled as she looked at her new home. Peering through the windows it warmed her heart to see it filled with their friends and family. She was also glad that there so many people around right now because as they got closer to Nampara, Demelza grasped that tonight she and Ross would be crossing a barrier that they had been careful to honor for as long as they've known each other; and she was nervous. She loved him with everything she had and she was worried that she would disappoint him. Demelza knew he loved her but the anticipation of finally being together fully could taint the idealized love they had both created about each other. She didn't know why this thought came to her now because the last thing she wanted was to cloud the rest of the day with unfounded fear and worry. Yet she felt the need to share these feelings with Ross. One thing Demelza learned in the months being married to Francis and every day since his death was that keeping secrets did no good. If she and Ross were to start their lives right, then she needed to tell him what she feared and hoped he wouldn't be upset or laugh at her. Ross was about to open the gate and go inside when she held him back. He turned to look at her as she started to speak.

"So Master Poldark this is where we start our lives. Before we go in and join everyone, I have to tell you something Ross and I hope you're not angry with me," Demelza said.

"Demelza…" he started to say.

"No Ross let me just get this out or I won't be able to relax the rest of the day." She laid the flowers she was carrying on the stone wall and took his hands. "I love you Ross Poldark. What I feel for you is so deep and pure it sometimes takes my breath away that emotions like these exist. But what I'm afraid of is that despite the hard road to get here, our love has so far been, perfect, almost untouchable. Now we get to live in the real world and I am so afraid that you'll be disappointed."

Demelza felt tears coming to the surface again and took a deep breath hoping to push them away.

"My love I don't understand…"Ross tried to interrupt.

"Ross I'm not talking about cooking or cleaning. I'm talking about us. About consummating our marriage. I'm scared I'll displease you," she blurted out.

Ross stared at her for a moment and then let out a laugh. Demelza was shocked at his reaction. She expected denial of her fears or reassurance that they were unfounded. Instead, he laughed at her; the one thing she hoped wouldn't happen. She was about to leave him there and go inside when Ross pulled her into a hug and holding his hand on her head, whispered in her ear.

"Demelza, my love, I'm not laughing at you. Not in the least. I'm laughing because I was afraid of the same thing."

His new wife pulled away from him and saw that he was sincere and not teasing her. Ross brushed the wisps of hair out of her face and caressed her cheeks as he spoke his peace.

"You're right that we have been blessed to find this kind of love. A love that is based on something I can't even put a name to except that I feel that my soul is finally full for finding you. But Demelza, don't think that you are the only one who is nervous about our wedding night. That isn't reserved just for women because I'm feeling the same kind of apprehension as you."

"Really Ross? You're not just saying that to make me feel better?" she asked as the tears subsided.

"No, my love. You have to know that you are the first woman I have truly and completely loved," he said softly.

"And I you, Ross," Demelza confirmed.

"So here's what I think. That today really is the first day of _our_ married life. So tonight, after the party is over and everyone has gone and we are alone, it will only be about you and me. And as far as I'm concerned, there was nothing before and will be nothing after us. Tonight will be our first time," Ross responded, placing a kiss on her lips.

"Ross, how did you get so smart?"

"I think being around you, I've picked up some common sense. Now, let's go inside, see our friends, have some dinner and enjoy ourselves. And we'll let tonight just happen as it should. Remember, fate is our guiding light."

Demelza grinned, her hands brushing the curls off his forehead before she kissed him back.

"Alright. I could really use a port," she said.

"I hope you're not becoming a tippler," Ross quipped.

"Far from it. And I don't think we should start our married life with a spat over our drinking habits, do you?" Demelza raised an eyebrow and gave Ross a questioning look.

"No, my love. Again, you're right. Let's go. I'm anxious to get this party started…and over with," he said as he gave her a wink.

Picking up the flowers again she was about to open the gate when Ross swooped her into his arms and swinging the gate open with his foot carried her to the door and across the threshold. As they entered the hallway, their gathered friends raised their mugs and glasses in cheer, with Dwight offering the first toast.

"Finally the newlyweds have arrived. We were beginning to think you had changed your minds," Dwight said over the crowd.

Ross put Demelza down but kept her close as she clutched his arm.

"Sorry about that. Demelza and I had some unfinished business to take care of before we came home. But now we're here so let's get this celebration started. Where's the rum?" he cried.

Ross took Demelza's hand and led her through the throng, greeting people as they passed and accepting their congratulations. Pats to Ross's back and brief hugs to Demelza from the miners and their kin littered their path until they finally reached the parlor where more of their friends were gathered. Demelza surveyed the table checking to see that everything she and Verity had planned was laid out properly. Trays and platters of cakes, pies, pasties, cheeses and sweets covered the table. Decanters and casks of ale and rum were set at the other end of the room along with a small table that held a cake. That was not on the list they set for the party and she had no idea where it came from. Demelza searched the room for Verity and found her standing in a corner near Aunt Agatha. Pouring herself a glass of port, she excused herself from Ross's side and walked to where the other Poldark women were seated.

"Verity, thank you so much for taking care of all this. You're a life saver," Demelza said as she bent to give her hug and kiss on the cheek.

"My dear, it's the least I could do. I hope everything is to your liking," Verity replied as she looked past Demelza, subtlety trying to check the room.

"It's lovely. I do have one question, though. Where did the cake come from? I don't remember us discussing that."

Verity smiled and responded. "That was Ross's idea. He asked Mrs. Tabb to make one of her famous tiered cakes for you."

Again Ross Poldark had managed to surprise her and without realizing it, she put her hand to her chest, pressing the parchment against her skin.

"Did he? Well, I must thank him for the surprise." Demelza turned to find Ross when she stopped and returned to her now cousin. "Verity, you haven't mentioned my surprise for Ross to anyone have you?"

"Well…" Verity hesitated as she answered.

"Verity?" Demelza questioned.

"I might have told Dwight but that wasn't intentional. I mentioned it as we were on our way here. I might have been a little distracted," she confessed.

Demelza smiled at her cousin because she was glad that she might finally be thinking of herself and own happiness. During her marriage to Francis, it was assumed that Verity was too old at this point to find love and companionship. If something happened with Dwight, even just friendship, it could be a wonderful thing for Verity.

"I see. Well, hopefully, Dwight will keep it to himself and not blurt it out to Ross. Sometimes I think those two are worse than women when it comes to secrets," she said.

Verity couldn't help but laugh at that comparison because as Demelza spoke she saw the two males in question across the room, seemingly deep in conversation or gossip. Turning back to Demelza she drew her attention to that scene and Demelza joined in the levity. She took a sip of port and then took a seat next to Agatha.

"How are you, Aunt? Can I get you anything?" she asked.

Agatha looked at the young woman and gave her hand a pat.

"I'm fine bud. And you seem fine as well. Hopefully, this nephew won't make the same mistake his cousin did and take you for granted. I believe you are someone who can hold your own with the Poldarks," she said as she sipped her port as well.

"I hope so. And I hope I can make him happy as well," Demelza said quietly.

"No worries child. You and Ross will have a long marriage," Agatha said confidently.

"How do you know that?" Demelza asked.

"The cards never lie, my dear," the older woman said with a wink. "Now I think I must walk around before I become too stiff. Where is that nephew of mine? I think I will give him a talking to as well."

Helping her out of her chair, Demelza held the woman steady and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Thank you, Aunt," she said.

"No need for thanks, child. Just be happy."

With that, Agatha made her way across the room to where Ross and Dwight stood, as Demelza watched. Taking a deep breath, she walked around the room herself making sure that everyone had something to eat and drink. A few of the miners had brought instruments and were playing lighthearted tunes outside. Demelza stood on the edge of the room watching as some of the guests danced in the cleared parlor. She couldn't help but smile at the scene and feel happy as well. As she went to the table to rearrange the plates, she felt a hand on her back and smiled.

"How are you doing my dear?"

She heard him whisper in her ear and felt his breath on her neck, sending a chill down her spine. Turning to face him she answered.

"I'm fine Ross."

"This isn't too tiring for you is it?" he asked as a smirk crossed his face.

"No, my love. I feel wonderful. Happy. In love," she said. Demelza raised a hand to his cheek and leaned in for a tender kiss which Ross gladly obliged.

"Good. I wouldn't want anything to interfere with later."

"Don't worry. It won't. Now, why don't you see to our guests while I prepare something for you?"

Demelza was being coy, a trait that Ross had never seen her display before and it made him curious as to just what she was planning. Pulling away from her, he searched her face for any clue and she gave up nothing. He did as she requested and checked in with Jud and Prudie to make sure there was still plenty of food and drink for the rest of the afternoon. When he was out of the room, Demelza sought out Verity to let her know she was about ready to give Ross his present. She hoped he would enjoy it because it wasn't something that most would consider a gift. She found Verity talking to Mr. Pascoe and Mr. Pearce and excused herself for interrupting them.

"Verity I think now is the perfect time for me to give Ross my gift. What do you think?" Demelza was suddenly nervous, her hands feeling cold and shaky. Verity could see the uneasiness cross her face and gave her young cousin's hand a squeeze.

"Demelza, it will be fine. But may I make a suggestion? I think you and Ross should cut the cake first," she said.

"Why?" Demelza asked. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, because once that is done and you give Ross your gift it should make it clear to your guests that the celebration is winding down. If you know what I mean."

Now Verity was the coy one but unlike Ross, Demelza picked up on her meaning immediately.

"Of course. Alright, I will go find Ross and can you and Dwight handle the crowd?"

"Consider it done," Verity said as she took off to find Dwight and tell him of the plan.

In the meantime, Demelza walked quickly out of the room to the kitchen as that's where she saw Ross go. Finding him giving Jud instructions, she came to stand beside him and slipped her hand in his, giving it a squeeze.

"Ross? Verity thinks we should cut the cake," she said.

"So soon? I thought you said you had something for me," he responded.

"I do. But I think you were right that maybe I am getting a little tired. If we cut the cake, the party will wind down and then…." She didn't finish her statement because there was no need. Their intuitive relationship made it clear to Ross what she was inferring.

"I see. Well then, let's go and have cake," Ross said brightly, the thought of what was to follow now uppermost in his mind. As he led Demelza out, she felt her body begin to thrum with excitement and anticipation. Not just for what she was about to do but for what was going to happen later. Her adrenaline began to course through her veins giving her a new energy she hadn't felt a few moments ago.

Verity was already standing by the table with a knife in her hand ready to hand it to Ross. He took it but felt he needed to make a speech to their friends. Filling a mug with rum, he faced the crowd and began to speak.

"Before I slice into this cake and share it with all of you, I just want to say how happy I am that you have all come to celebrate with Demelza and me as we begin this new chapter of our lives. It was not easy getting to this day as most of you in this room know. That is why seeing you here, supporting us, and giving us your blessing means more than anything. To Verity and Dwight, thank you for being our witnesses, our champions, and our friends. Without either of you, Demelza and I would not be standing here together. And to my wife, Demelza, what can I say? I don't think I ever knew what real happiness and love were until I met you. I know I said this in church this morning but I feel the need to say it again. I vow to make you happy every day and that no matter what the future holds, I will love you for as long as you'll have me."

Ross finished speaking and felt moisture gather in his eyes. As for Demelza and most everyone else in the room, tears flowed. She said nothing but stepped towards him and taking his face in her hands, kissed him.

"Thank you, my love. I hope to do the same for you. Now what say we cut the cake and then I can give you my gift," she whispered in his ear.

Ross nodded and proceeded to cut slices of the spice cake and laying them on dishes to be passed out to the guests. Demelza, Verity, and Dwight started to do this. After it appeared that everyone had cake and another drink, Demelza went to stand near the spinet piano and waited for the Verity to get the attention of the crowd. Ross had been standing near the door talking to Zacky when he saw his wife twisting her handkerchief around her fingers. _What is she up to?_ Ross mused. Verity moved to the center of the parlor and spoke.

"Friends and family, Demelza has something she wants to share with you. Well actually it's a gift for Ross, so please indulge her while she presents it to him." She ended her speech and turned to Demelza as a sign that she should begin. The new Mrs. Poldark hit a note on the spinet and then turning back to the room, began to sing.

 _I'd a pluck a fair rose for my love_ _  
_ _I'd a pluck a red rose blowin'_ _  
_ _Love's in my heart, I'm tryin' so to prove_ _  
_ _What your heart's knowin'_ __

 _I'd a pluck a finger on a thorn_ _  
_ _I'd a pluck a finger bleedin'_ _  
_ _Red is my heart, wounded and forlorn_ _  
_ _And your heart needin'_ __

 _I'd a hold a finger to my tongue_ _  
_ _I'd a hold a finger waitin'_ _  
_ _My heart is sore until it joins in song_ _  
_ _With your heart matin'_

As she finished she focused solely on Ross who, during her performance could not take his eyes off his wife. The room was full of people but as far as Ross and Demelza were concerned they were the only ones there. He hadn't realized he was holding his breath until the silence in the room was broken by spontaneous applause. They still kept staring at each other, the electric current flowing between them almost unbearable. Demelza gave a shy smile to Ross from where she stood but she didn't expect him to stride across the room, take her in his arms and kiss her as if there was no one about. Demelza, at first unsure, what to do, let instinct take over and sliding her arms around his back, returned the kiss. Sliding their lips against each other they gave no heed to the fact that there were others in the room. Breaking apart to catch their breaths, Ross tilted his head against hers.

Speaking softly so that only she could hear, Ross said, "I think I've had enough partying for one day, don't you?"


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22 FINAL –

The final guest had departed leaving just Verity and Dwight behind, both of whom were helping to clean up. Demelza was gathering glasses and mugs from around the house while Verity started putting away whatever food was left over. Dwight and Ross went about returning the rooms to their original state putting the furniture back where it belonged before helping the ladies with their chores. Soon Nampara was again recognizable as a Poldark home. The whole time the four friends and cousins were working together, the tension in the air between the new Mr. and Mrs. Poldark was crackling. Dwight and Verity said nothing but worked quickly to get things done so they could leave the newlyweds alone. Verity had even worked with Ross to get Jud and Prudie out of the house to spend the night at Trenwith. It was an unusual request but one the cousins felt necessary for such a special occasion.

When the last dish was piled in the sink and the food stored in the pantry, Verity and Dwight made their goodbyes to the bride and groom.

"Demelza, I am so glad you and Ross found each other," Verity said. "Just be happy. And relax. Trust your husband and yourself. The love the two of you have will overcome anything. Of that I am sure."

Demelza fought the tears the threatened to appear again as Verity reached up to give her a hug and kiss.

"Thank you for everything. I couldn't feel closer to anyone if they were truly my blood sister," Demelza said.

"Don't mention it, my dear. Now I think Dwight-I mean, Dr. Enys-and I should take our leave so you and Ross can have some privacy. It's been a long day and I'm sure you're anxious to get out of that dress."

Demelza blushed and smiled shyly. "I am a little tired and as much as I love this dress I would like to get out of these stays." She turned her head to the side and glanced at Ross, who was in deep conversation with Dwight. Verity squeezed her hand and said nothing as she walked towards the men.

Ross and Dwight's conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Verity who went to hug Ross while Dwight accepted a kiss on the cheek from Demelza.

"Thank you, Dwight, for everything," Demelza said. The pulling him slightly away from the Poldark cousins whispered in his ear. "And what we discussed the other day. You're sure I'm fully recovered, correct?"

Dwight gave Demelza a small smiled and grasping her hand said, "Yes. Have no worries on that score. I assure you."

Demelza let out a sigh of relief and turned back to where Ross and Verity stood, finding them staring at her and Dwight. Ignoring the look, she walked back to her husband and taking his hand, gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Well my dear, I think we should let Dwight and Verity leave. Especially since we've saddled Trenwith with Jud and Prudie. I don't think we should leave those two alone with Aunt Agatha. Lord knows how that will end up," Demelza joked.

The foursome laughed and Ross agreed. "You're right my love. We have imposed on Dwight and Verity's kindness long enough. I'm sure they want to get home too."

He nodded at Dwight who knew a signal to leave if he saw one.

"Come, Verity, let me escort you home," Dwight said as he offered his arm.

"Thank you Dr. -Dwight," Verity said bowing her head slightly.

Ross and Demelza walked them to the door and watched as Dwight and Verity started on the walk back to Trenwith. They had sent the carriage back with Agatha so walking was the only way home. From where they stood, it appeared to Ross and Demelza that neither Dwight nor Verity objected to taking the long way home. When the pair was out of sight, Ross turned to his wife and smiled.

"So my love," he said.

"So Ross," Demelza replied.

They waited just a minute before falling against each other, the need for connection too great to resist any longer. Arms slid around bodies, fingers threaded through hair and breaths mingled in long, hungry kisses. Needing air, they parted, gazing into each other's eyes, searching for any sign of doubt or hesitation. Ross took Demelza's hand and led her inside, closing and locking the door before taking her to the parlor. Feeling the need to slow down, Ross poured them both a glass of port. Handing one to Demelza he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"Well, that's a change from a minute ago, Master Poldark. Having second thoughts?" Demelza teased.

"Far from it Mistress Poldark. But as we said before, this will be our last first time. I want it to be special. Memorable," Ross said solemnly.

Demelza took a deep breath to steady herself and returned the kiss to his cheek.

"When did you become such a romantic? From the stories Verity has told me, you were quite a rogue before the war."

"Lies and rumors. Don't believe a word of it, Demelza," he said as he sipped his port.

She laughed and as she did, a drop of the red wine fell from her lips to her chest. Seeing it slide down towards her dress, Ross stretched his hand out and caught it on his finger before it hit the material. Swiping across the swell of her breast that rose above the neckline of the gown, he took his finger and licked the liquid that lingered on his forefinger. Demelza's breath hitched at the touch and action so she was not prepared when he touched her again, this time his finger sliding into the top of her dress to feel the plumpness of her breast. Demelza closed her eyes and turned off her mind to allow her body to just feel. She waited for Ross to continue his exploration of her when suddenly he stopped. Opening her eyes she saw a piece of paper in front of her. His letter.

"Demelza what is this doing in your dress?" Ross asked.

She had forgotten she had put his note there this morning in a silly, romantic gesture but now, feeling courageous, among other things, Demelza took it from his hand and told him the truth.

"I wanted to keep it close to my heart today. The words were so beautiful Ross. They made feel even more loved than I thought possible. Please don't laugh at me," she said, her voice breaking.

Ross stepped closer to his wife, his affection for her growing by the minute as he saw that she was still shy about their love even after all they had been through. Knowing that words would not make the impression he needed it to, he reaching into his pocket and pulled out a similar piece of parchment and held it out to her.

Demelza looked down at his hand and saw that it was her note to him. Lifting her head up to met his eyes and smiled.

"See my love we are starting to think alike. I wanted your words close to me as well. Except I couldn't keep it in my shirt so my pocket had to do," he said. His voice was warm and loving.

"It appears we are in agreement on many levels. Now, I think I must actually get out of this dress Ross," she said coyly.

Ross said nothing. He put his glass down on the table so he could take a hold of the top clasp of her dress and unhooked it as Demelza watched. He moved to the next one and then the next before Demelza grabbed his hands and halted his advancement. Her breath was shallow and coming in gasps.

"Ross, as much as I want you to continue this I want to do this properly and not in the middle of our parlor. So give me a few minutes to get ready for you. Please," she asked.

He knew she was right and couldn't refuse her request.

"You're right my love. Go and do what you need to. I will just finish up down here to make sure everything is settled and will join you shortly."

He gave her a parting kiss that was intense and heated and clearly a precursor to what was yet to come. Demelza held her dress closed as she walked out of the room, but not before giving him a seductive look over her shoulder. Ross felt his body starting to react to the knowledge of Demelza as his wife and the hope that the night ahead would be one they would remember forever.

Entering the bedroom for the first time, Demelza felt an overwhelming sense of anticipation mixed with apprehension. The connection she and Ross shared was so strong, overwhelming in fact, that the possibility of disappointment was a real fear in her mind. She was afraid that Ross's expectations of sharing a bed with her would be greater than the reality? Demelza was sure that he could never be less of a man to her than she's already come to know; it was living up to his model of a wife that was making her nervous. Moving towards the dressing table Demelza looked in the mirror, saw her face flush and she smiled. While she was no virgin she was certainly feeling like one, the butterflies fluttering uncontrollably and she needed to take several breaths to keep steady. She saw that there was a decanter of port set up on the desk and poured herself a short drink. Letting the alcohol go down her throat she tried to calm herself. She was not as experienced in the ways of love as she assumed Ross was and the little she did know came from a marriage that did not have any of the emotional substance she shared with Ross. The temperature between her and Francis was never more than warm, whereas from just kissing Ross, it hit feverish proportions. Thinking about him now and the way his finger grazed her skin, she began to feel heated even as gooseflesh rose to the surface. Underneath her slightly open dress, she felt her nipples tighten against her stays just at the memory of his touching them as he had moments ago. Demelza needed to strip herself of the gown and try to cool off before Ross arrived. She was not ashamed of her need for him but didn't want him to think she was some common trull anxious for a tumble. And yet, the thought of him taking her, passionately, fervidly, without niceties or social propriety excited her. She wanted to feel her blood coursing through her body as she rose to meet his. When he kissed her moments ago she felt his body begin to respond and it set hers on the same reactionary path as well.

Demelza walked around the room hoping the action would relax her while she got acquainted with her new surroundings. The furniture was dark and heavy but not imposing. There was warmth to it that was welcoming. She opened the wardrobe and saw that some of her things were put away, no doubt thanks to Verity. Reaching out she let her hands wander across the row of Ross's clothing, wanting to feel the material. She took out one of the coats and held it to her face, inhaling his scent. It was musky, earthy; a combination of sea, fields, and Ross. Over the past few weeks, she was becoming quite familiar with it and had actually come to enjoy it. It was different than Francis who always smelled of toilet water and brandy. Demelza shook that thought from her head, not wanting to revisit the past. Seeing her nightshift hanging next to Ross's garments, she took it out to change. Closing the door, she turned around and saw a small box on the end of the bed, sitting on the chest. Walking slowly towards it, she put down the garment she was holding and picked up the box. Untying the ribbon she lifted the top and moved the tissue paper out of the way finding a new nightshift beneath. Taking it out, Demelza held it to the light and saw that it was practically sheer; the material was some sort of silk. The style was similar to the linen one she came with, but the neckline of this was trimmed in blue satin ribbon and seemed to dip lower than usual.

Gazing down at the box she saw a folded slip of paper. With a shaking hand, Demelza picked it up and opened it, recognizing the handwriting immediately.

 _My love,_

 _I thought that a new life deserved a new nightshift. I hope you like it and that it suits you. Verity helped pick it out. If not, feel free to not wear it at all._

 _Your husband, always._

 _R_

Once again tears found their way down her cheeks as she fingered the soft material. She did not know how she got so lucky to find love with such a man. Glancing out the window Demelza saw the sun setting and knew that Ross would be making his way upstairs in a little while. Putting the new shift down she proceeded to undo her gown, letting it drop to the floor. She picked it up and hung it in the wardrobe next to his clothes. Demelza reached behind her and undid the lacings of her stays, her fingers beginning to tremble at the thought of what was to come. Once she was freed of that, she moved to discard the petticoats and linen shift. Soon she was in standing naked in front of the mirror; leaving on the stockings he had gifted her for the wedding. Surveying her body Demelza determined she was not as unattractive as she thought, grateful that her recent illness didn't seem to leave any visible lasting effects. Thinking of the past few weeks, she let her hand rub against her stomach wondering if she were truly healed. Dwight had assured her that she was perfectly healthy and could become pregnant again, but Demelza would be fooling herself if she wasn't worried just a little about that fact. She knew that Ross wanted a child and she wanted to give him one. If she couldn't would that change his feelings towards her? They had discussed this as they prepared for their wedding but often times the excitement of an event such as that overshadows real life. She didn't believe that Ross would be that superficial but over time those beliefs might change. For now, she put that thought aside because she knew he loved her as she did him and tonight was about sealing the vows they took that morning.

Demelza slipped the new nightshift over her head letting it fall over her body to land just above her feet. The material felt sensual, making her skin hypersensitive. Her nipples hardened again as the cloth grazed her breasts; in the mirror, she saw the silhouette of her hips and womanhood, while her legs were camouflaged by the stockings, just a hint of the blue ribbon at her thighs coming through. She then realized that the garters matched the ribbon that wove through the neckline of her night shift and wondered if Ross had bought them together. Reaching up she unpinned parts of her hair, leaving a few sprigs of wildflowers strewn in her tresses. Feeling the chill from the nearby window she moved to the fire to warm herself. As she passed the bed, she stopped and decided to turn down the coverlet, revealing crisp white sheets with embroidered pillow cases. They were the initials of Ross's parents which prompted Demelza to reach down and trace the monograms helping her feel just a little closer to knowing Ross and his family.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing her thumb over the gold ring on her hand, replaying all that had happened in such a short period of time, when she heard the door open. Startled Demelza stood up to face the man who was her husband. Ross stepped into the room but didn't move towards her. He stayed by the drop step, staring at her, making Demelza self-conscious. In the past, she would have tried to cover her body by wrapping her arms around herself as a shield but not now. She had no qualms about leaving herself open to Ross. While she was full of nervous energy, Demelza felt more at ease than she ever had before because she knew this is where she belonged. Smiling, she held her hand out to Ross and he walked towards her. He was by her in two strides his arms going automatically around her waist as his mouth took hers. Demelza fell right into him, her own arms sliding up his back weaving her fingers through his hair. Ross could not get enough of her kisses; the need to taste and drink from her was overpowering as if he'd been thirsty for years and came upon an oasis. His hands slipped down to her hips, feeling her skin through the flimsy material, her curves soft and inviting.

Ross pulled back to look at his wife, his breathing heavy. He saw how absolutely luminous she looked with the firelight filtering through her flame red hair. Her eyes shimmered and emanating from them was pure love. He felt it and wanted her to feel it as well. Taking her face in his hands he kissed her again, softly and gently, first on her lips and then moved to her cheeks, her eyes ending at her forehead. Demelza had no words and could barely breathe but the tears that kept gathering now fell. Ross saw this and brushed them aside.

"Don't cry, my love. Don't cry. I love you so much, Demelza, I can't put into words what is in my heart so please let me show you how much," Ross said, his voice breaking as his body started to tremble.

"Ross, I'm not crying because of anything bad. I'm crying because I love you too and I never expected to feel this way. Ever. My heart is bursting and I cannot wait to be your wife in all ways," Demelza said her voice stronger than his.

With that Demelza slipped his long coat off his shoulders and laid it on the chest at the foot of the bed. She then unbuttoned his waistcoat and removed that along with sliding his braces down to let them hang by his sides. Ross didn't move. For one he was fascinated by his new wife's taking charge of the situation and secondly he was afraid that any movement might unman him too soon. He looked down at her through hooded eyelids, consciously making an effort to keep breathing. Next, Demelza pulled his shirt out of his breeches, caressing the skin underneath. She halted her actions as she reached up and kissed him again, her hands still on his body, letting a finger or two slip into the waistband of his breeches,

"Demelza," Ross croaked out," I thought you were shy about tonight."

She was leaving a trail of kisses down his chest until she came to the end of the opening. Standing up, Demelza took one of his wrists and opened the button at the cuff as her eyes never left his. She then undid the other one and once it was free, pulled the shirt up and over his head, leaving Ross in his breeches.

"I said I was afraid and maybe nervous of disappointing you because I'm not as experienced as you probably are," she teased. "But I'm not shy about my love for you or that I want you. I hope you don't think less of me because of it."

She motioned for him to sit on the bed so she could help him take his boots off and then his stockings. When he was left in just his breeches he pulled Demelza down to him, laying her next to where he sat. Ross stared at her as his hands traveled down her body from torso to hip until they reached the hem of her shift. He started to bring it up when he saw that she was still wearing the stockings he'd gifted her with. He looked up at her as he slipped to the floor, pulling her to sit up. As he knelt in front of her, he watched as she lifted the hem of her nightshift, her hands shaking, to reveal her long legs covered in white silk topped by blue ribbons.

"Oh my love, I could never think less of you. If anything I think more of you for trusting me and for letting me share this with you."

Ross's hands went to her thighs, his fingers tugging at the bows holding the ribbon in place. Once loose he handed it to her as he then put his fingers in the top of the stocking and started to roll it down her leg. He stopped at one point and placed a kiss on her thigh, as his hands continued to unfurl it down her leg. Once he reached her foot, he took it off and laid it on the chest where his clothes were. He repeated this with her other leg, the change in her breathing not lost on him as this time he not only kissed her thigh but placed his lips on every part of her leg as the skin was revealed. When the other stocking was off, Ross stood and brought Demelza up to meet him. His hands again journeyed the length of her body, outlining the curves and planes beneath the fabric coming to rest at her ribs, his thumbs teasing the underside of her breast.

Demelza's eyes closed as she leaned her head towards his, his lips coming in contact with her hair, placing soft kisses there. Her hands slipped behind him to massage the muscles of his back before sliding down to his buttocks pulling him flush against her.

"I never thanked you for the gifts, Ross. First the stockings and now this nightgown. I've never had such lovely things before. How did you know they would be perfect?" She spoke in whispered tones, her breath against his neck and she kept her head bowed.

Ross tipped her chin up and peppered her face with more kisses as he responded.

"I'll confess, Verity helped but I knew I wanted something simple for you that would not outshine your natural beauty. Besides, I don't think this gown is going to last much longer so why get anything ostentatious?"

His tone was lighthearted as he pulled back and while focusing on her eyes, opened the ribbon at the neck of the gown, loosening it. Soon it slipped off one shoulder and as it fell, Demelza raised her arms and crossing them in front of her, pushed the garment down. The silky material brushed her skin as it fell in a pool around her feet. Now, in the glow of the firelight, Demelza stood, unabashedly naked in front of her husband. Her gaze never left his face, his eyes narrowing as he surveyed her body from head to toe. She didn't move or blink but just watched him.

Ross's breath halted for a moment as he took in the form of his new wife. Her skin was pale but took on a golden hue from a combination of the candle and firelight as well as the reflection of her hair. Speaking of which, those tresses fell in wild waves down her back and over her shoulder, hiding her breasts from his view with only the slightest peek of a rosy colored nipple coming through. He had never realized how tiny her waist truly was or how curvaceous her hips and bum were but he did see that her legs went on for days. Long, lean and strong, Ross could only imagine how they would feel wrapped around his body as he made love to her. The sight of her russet colored womanhood spurred his ardor and he knew that the time for pleasantries needed to come to an end. He wanted this woman and from the way, her eyes glistened and her pupils dilated along with the shallow breaths escaping her parted lips, he knew the feeling was mutual.

Taking a step forward, Ross pushed her hair aside so that he could see her fully. He brushed the back of his hand against her breasts before descending on Demelza's mouth, plundering it with his tongue as she moaned back into his. His hands started to caress the perfectly round globes, his thumbs teasing the nipples until they peaked, fueling his desire, so he bent his head and flicked his tongue against the engorged flesh. He tasted and teased one then the other as Demelza's hands grasped at his hair weaving through the shortened curls holding him in place. She then moved to pet his cheek, her fingers light as they traveled down his chest through the shock of ebony hair that covered it. Without losing the connection of their mouths, Demelza boldly let one hand drop to the front of his breeches, barely stroking Ross through the material before giving his body a gently squeeze. That was the signal that foreplay was over. Forced to detach their lips from each other, Ross bent down and scooped Demelza up in his arms, moving the few steps towards the bed, depositing her with a thump. He remained standing, staring at her face as it took on a knowing smirk. His hands went to the button of his breeches and without ceremony opened them to allow the flap to fall revealing himself to his wife. Clearly, their dance around each other had the desired effect for his body was hard and primed and ready to meet hers. Demelza's mouth opened slightly as she bit her bottom lip before reaching up for him. Leaving his breeches behind, Ross fell seamlessly into the space between her thighs, taking residence there as if there was no other place he belonged. Demelza sighed at the weight of his body covering hers, her hips wriggling against his, her mound rubbing against his manhood, fanning the fire that was already burning between them.

There were no words spoken or needed. The non-verbal connection between the new husband and wife filled the room with gasps and moans as the sound of their bodies moving against each other reaffirmed their commitment. Ross pulled his body to lie next to Demelza and as he looked down at his wife, his hands were on a quest to touch all of her, the goal being the apex of her thighs. Demelza laid still, her, one arm over her head, the other clinging to the nape of his neck, twirling the ringlets that hung there. Sliding past the flat plane of her belly, he wove his fingers through the thatch curls covering her womanhood, gently parting the flesh to find her core, already swollen and moist. With a circular motion, he massaged it, occasionally moving his fingers down to trace the outer lips protecting her opening. In exploratory fashion, Ross slipped one digit into Demelza's body, her hips arching into his hand, seeking more contact as she let out a soft mewling sound. He focused his attention on her face, a flush coming over it as her eyes peered at him. Ross said nothing as he continued ministering to his wife, watching as her breathing became labored while he gently coaxed her to her climax, the only sign that it occurred was a short gasp and a sly smile that crossed her face. Seeing his wife let go, opening herself up to him completely without inhibitions, spurred Ross on. Moving back over her, in position between her legs, Ross took himself in his hand ready to enter Demelza for the first time but he paused, as he searched her face. Demelza was ready, panting lightly in anticipation; she saw Ross's hesitation and wondered what was wrong.

"I don't want to hurt you, my love. This will be the first time since-your illness—that you have been with a man," he said the concern real in his voice.

She smiled up at him and in a gesture that made it very clear there was no need to worry, reached for him herself, pushing his hand aside and in a surprising move, began stroking him in a steady rhythm, his member hardening to the point of almost being painful. Without missing a beat she sat up slightly, never breaking contact with his body, and spoke to his fears.

"I'm fine Ross. Dwight said we have nothing to worry about. That's what I was discussing with him before he left. I can have a normal, physical relationship. So now can we make that happen?" she said as she planted a kiss firmly on his lips before laying back down, pulling him gently towards her as she placed him at her entrance, easing him into her body. Taking over, Ross gave Demelza a final look before, in one motion, he encased himself in his wife.

They both stilled, appreciating the importance of this moment. They had truly become one with neither knowing where one ended and the other began. As Ross leaned over to kiss Demelza he started slowly thrusting against her; each push and pull sealing them to each other. Demelza lifted one leg to lock behind Ross's back letting her other fall open as her hands held his face allowing her to watch him as they consummated their marriage. Ross held himself up on his arms, needing to see Demelza's face as well to confirm that she was alright and that their actions were not hurting her. She smiled, as a tear slipped down her cheek. Seeing it escape, Ross bent down and kissed it away, coming to bring his lips back to hers.

He realized for the first time the difference between copulating and making love. Any woman can be a receptacle for physical release when needed. A warm body can elicit a response if handled the right way. However, what was happening now, between him and Demelza was more than a reflexive body response; it was coming from the depths of his being and the act was just a manifestation of that joining of souls. Ross's chest ached from the love he felt for this woman beneath him. Never before had he had such an emotional reaction to having sex, not even with Elizabeth. As he continued to move, his body picking up momentum, he knew this is what it was all about. This is what marriage and loving and making love were supposed to be: a completion of sorts, never-ending and infinite. As he ran this through his mind, his body was tensing and he knew he was on the brink of release. Gazing down at Demelza he saw something change in her face. Her cheeks were flushed and the pink hue spread down towards her chest, her breasts appearing rounder and fuller as they continued their joining.

"Ross, I love you so. Thank you for loving me. I can't breathe for loving you," she said her body starting to tremble as Ross felt her start to contract around him.

The sensation of her holding him fast inside her body set his release into motion. He stiffened above her, hovering as his groin pushed hard against hers once more, their bodies becoming one. The spasms were unlike anything he ever felt before, strong and unending. It took several minutes for him to feel he was spent and as he lowered himself to her, felt their combined juices seeping between them. Not caring because he didn't want to leave her body, he stayed in the cradle of her pelvis as Demelza closed her eyes and caressed his back soothing him into tranquility.

They lay like that for some time, naked in each other's arms, their breathing in sync. Neither realized they had dozed off until the chill of the room became uncomfortable, causing them to shiver. Lifting his head off Demelza's breast Ross looked up at her face as her eyes fluttered open, a grin coming to her lips. Shifting up her body, Ross kissed her again, his arms wrapping around her shoulders as he rolled them to their sides.

"Demelza? Are you alright my love?" he asked as his hand continued to massage and caress her body. Their bodies were flush against each other, chest to chest, hip to hip, their legs entwined with each other.

"I'm fine Ross. Wonderful. Content. Happy, "she said. "More importantly I feel bound to you in a way I never felt with…." She didn't finish that sentence because they both knew what she meant.

"I understand. Before you, I never thought I would find the person who shared my soul. You made me believe in that phrase," Ross said speaking in between kisses.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Soul mate," he whispered. "You saved me Demelza."

She smiled at him and said, "No Ross. We saved each other."

They stared at each other and this time it was Ross who shed a tear prompting Demelza to lean over to him and kiss it away. She didn't stop there but continued to press her lips to him. Starting at his scar, she worked a trail down his cheek leading to his neck and then, as she maneuvered him to his back, moved down to his chest. This time it was she who teased him, biting his nipples lightly and then soothing them with her tongue. She suckled him while her hands slid down his body learning the unique shape of her new husband. Demelza rubbed his torso, the muscles quivering at her touch. She felt the divots just below his waist where his pelvis started and thought that was the most erotic thing she had encountered. Francis was fit but soft, not firm like Ross, most likely from years of drink and easy living. Ross's hard work reflected itself in his hard body and Demelza was grateful for it.

Ross let her go on with her exploration as he watched her from where he lay trying desperately to keep his body under control. Demelza saw his struggle as his groin twitched back to life and gave him a smirk, not stopping what she was doing.

"Demelza please," he said. His eyes were closed because he knew if he looked at her, he'd come undone.

She had started to slide down his body with her mouth, alternately licking and kissing him and thoroughly enjoying the torture she was putting him through. Never before had she felt this kind of boldness in herself as a woman or a wife.

"Please what Ross?" she asked innocently. "Please more of this?" She said, kissing his stomach and then dipping her tongue into this belly button. "Or this?" she asked again, as she rose up a little to allow her hand to find him again, stroking his manhood back to life. "Or perhaps this?"

Demelza pulled herself up, swung a leg over his body and straddled him causing his eyes to fly open in time to see his new wife, astride him. Her hair was a red tangled mess around her body, her eyes bright, and her mouth slightly open in a devilish grin.

"Demelza, what are you doing?" His voice was raspy, barely audible as his body started to fidget at the feel of her slight frame sitting on him. From this position, Ross could see his erection flat against his lower abdomen as his wife moved forward just enough to have her center make contact with him.

"Don't you know Ross? And I thought I was the inexperienced one," she teased, her body moving another fraction forward, sliding over his with the lightest of touch.

"Demelza, I just didn't think that…so soon after we just…I thought you'd want to wait," he said, his tone serious.

She kept moving her hips, slowly gyrating on his lower body.

"Why would I want to wait? Ross, we've had to wait so long to be together I don't want to waste a minute of this night. It's our wedding night. You said it yourself, it will be our last first time and you wanted to make it memorable. But that doesn't mean it has to be serious," she said.

Demelza saw that Ross was definitely over thinking this whole situation turning it into some somber event. Seeing the enthusiasm in her countenance and body, Ross felt he needed to voice his concern.

"I just don't want you to overdo it, my love. You've only just healed and I want to make sure that…."

He didn't get a chance to finish as Demelza bent over him and kissed him, hard. She forced his mouth open and sucked his tongue into her mouth. Ross gave up the fight and joined her in the give and take of the kiss. Needing air she sat up and looked down at her husband. His eyes were wide, shimmering with excitement.

"Ross my love please stop worrying. I'm fine. In fact, I'm more than fine. Tonight is the joyful culmination of our wedding day. I know that what we feel, our love is solemn and true but I would hope in this room we could also be free to be ourselves to enjoy each other and have fun," she said.

Ross held her about the waist as she continued speaking. He found it amusing that they were having this kind of conversation about their marriage in this position; naked with Demelza sitting on his lap, his hardened member ready to join with her again. He let his fingers grazed her skin, moving from the indentation of her waist around to her buttocks and back towards the front where his thumbs almost met at her mound. He wanted to tease her as she was teasing him, but restrained himself as she continued to explain what she was feelings, her own hands flat on his chest with her fingertips bent around his pectoral muscles.

"Both our previous situations were so serious, even sad. There was no chance for us to just be happy. I want to be happy Ross. I want to have fun. I want to love fully as a wife should love a husband and how a husband should love a wife. Why can't making love with your wife just be enjoyable?"

She had worked her hands down his body to find him primed again, a glistening drop of his fluid hovering on the tip. His breath hitched as she touched him. Lifting herself up to give them some room, she once again led him to her body, this time settling down on him slowly, the feel of him filling her making her catch her breath. Demelza looked down at where their bodies became one, ebony curls mingled with ginger. She moved slowly in a rocking motion, holding on to Ross's torso as he held her buttocks, guiding her over his body. This time as they joined together it was for pure pleasure; the official act of consummating their marriage was done with, now they were making love for themselves.

Ross focused on her face, the rhythm between them steady with neither of them feeling the need to rush as his hands shyly reached for her breasts. Demelza smiled down at him as he held them, alternately fondling and squeezing them, causing her to move a little more quickly as the excitement built. Ross understood now what she was saying because he hadn't felt this kind of freedom to love his wife when he was married to Elizabeth. Now as he touched Demelza's body without any reservation, Ross saw the passion rising in his wife's face. Her pupils were dilated and a light sheen of perspiration appeared on her skin as her movements changed from rhythmic rocking to a more frantic action, sliding up and down his shaft. Ross released her breasts so he could take a firm hold of her hips in order to keep the pace, his fingers digging into her flesh. Demelza felt his grip change and knew she'd probably have bruises there in the morning but didn't care. This coupling is what she had always desired but never experienced. Her body was rising and falling in pitch, a physical charge coming from deep within her womb. She felt it churning and tried hard to stay quiet but failed. A groan escaped her lips as she curved her back, leaning over her husband, taking his mouth once more. In this position Demelza felt Ross's body reacting too, his member seeming to swell inside her as he gritted his teeth. Pulling up, Demelza watched his face as she felt his seed coat her walls and he let out a cry that was almost animalistic. The sight and sound of her husband's release triggered her own orgasm and she called his name as her body released its own nectar to blend with his.

"Ross!" she moaned as her body shuttered. Ross sat up to gather her in his arms to place kisses of comfort on her face and hair, while his body slowly relaxed inside her.

"My love," he murmured in her ear, his hands rubbing her back to soothe and warm her.

She leaned her head into the crook of his neck, curling onto his lap. Ross brushed his nose against hers, a sign of affection as their breaths mingled. Careful so as not to hurt her or himself since he was still wedged between them, he pivoted them to lie down slowly retreating from her. Kicking the coverlet out of the way he placed Demelza on the sheets avoiding any of the wet spots they had created but she didn't seem to mind. Her face was angelic, serene almost as she brushed the damp wisps of hair out of her eyes, her fingers pulling a loose flower from the tangles. Ross took the bud from her hand and kissing it placed it on the table next to the bed. Covering Demelza with the bedding, he stood and walked around the room to stoke the fire and light a few of the candles. Demelza sat up, wrapping the sheets around herself so that she could watch her husband as he walked about the room doing these menial tasks, admiring him and still not believing they were together. Smiling to herself, she lay back down, relishing the feel of the linen sheets. She had just closed her eyes when she felt a finger on her lips and tasted the sweetness of the port she had earlier. Opening them, she saw Ross standing over her, still naked, his finger dipping into the glass of liquor coating her lips with it. She kissed his finger, before snaking her tongue out to lick the remnants of wine from him.

Ross put the glass down and moved over her to join her beneath the covers. Pulling Demelza to his side, he let his hand drape at her hip while she curled one arm underneath her and the other caressed his chest. He placed a kiss on the crown of her head which led to Demelza pulling back to look at him.

"Happy?" she asked.

Ross's face broke into a wide grin as he squeezed her hip pulling her closer to him so they were skin to skin again.

"Beyond happy, Demelza. Thank you for the most amazing wedding night," he said.

"It's not over yet Ross. We still have hours until dawn and who knows what the rest of the night might bring," she replied, the implication clear in her voice.

"Demelza we have our whole lives to be together. It's been a long emotional day, don't you want to rest?" he asked.

"Ross, are you getting old and tired on me? Don't tell me I've worn you out already," she teased as she kept giving him light kisses on his body.

To prove she was wrong, Ross rolled them to where he was hovering over her body, kissing her deeply, drawing a moan from her. Separating from her, he kept looking at her, his eyes searching her face still amazed that she was his wife.

"I hope that put the idea that I'm old out of your head, my love," he said, his hands again caressing her as he moved his body against her leg, Demelza clearly feeling his arousal once again.

"Perhaps I underestimated your ardor, my love. I stand corrected," she said.

"Good. Now can we please get some sleep," Ross insisted as he slid back into the bed, dragging Demelza with him.

"But Ross, I don't want to sleep," Demelza said, fighting the yawn that was threatening to escape.

"I do," he said.

"Why Ross?" she asked as her eyes started to close against his chest.

"Because I want to wake up with my wife in my arms," he said quietly.

Demelza stared at Ross, once again taken by his romanticism and sentimentality, tears forming again in her eyes.

"Ross Vennor Poldark, you never cease to amaze me. I think I'm going to like being your wife."

"Well, I'm glad about that. And I hope I don't disappoint," he said.

"You won't my love. Now I think I am feeling a bit sleepy," Demelza said as she wrapped herself around him again, her head on his shoulder.

"Good. Now be quiet and let us sleep. And when we wake up…." he murmured.

"Yes, Ross. I'm sure we can think of something to do."

The room darkened as the candles burned down leaving just the glow of the fire to light and warm the room. As the flames flickered the silhouette of the couple in the bed hit the wall. They were positioned in a way so that they looked like one body. The man's head buried in his wife's wild red locks, his arm draped over her middle, their hands linked. The moon rose as the last first day of the newlywed Poldarks came to an end leaving the promise of a new morning yet to come.


	23. Chapter 23

Trying Not to Love You-23 Epilogue

Julia Grace Poldark was born eleven months after her parent's wedding. Her arrival on a spring day in May was accompanied by a storm which matched her father's temperament. Ross's nervousness during Demelza's labor wasn't eased by Dwight's reassurance or the presence of Verity. He paced around Nampara, barking orders and trying to keep from running upstairs to see what was going on. This was especially difficult every time he heard a cry or scream coming from their bedroom. He was only used to hearing those sounds come from Demelza when they were making love; an event that occurred on an almost daily basis since their wedding. It was not for the purpose of having children that Ross and Demelza indulged themselves in each other, but it was a most welcome announcement when she told Ross that she was with child. After all she had been through physically Ross knew that the thought of becoming pregnant was always kept in the back of her mind, almost like an unspoken wish. When Dwight confirmed it after a few months of her suspecting the truth, Demelza was incredulous and worried that what had happened before would recur. It was for that reason that she waiting an extra month before telling Ross; a decision Dwight didn't approve of but understood and one that Ross briefly resented. His feelings were hurt that his wife would not trust him to know they were going to have a child as soon as she suspected. Ross scolded Dwight on this but when his friend explained, he understood her hesitancy. Ross also surprised himself that he didn't notice the changes in his wife in the month prior to her telling him. She became an expert at hiding her morning sickness and he never picked up any discomfort when hugged or touched her. Perhaps that was because he was more interested in other things when they were together than these specifics.

Now as he stood at the bottom of the staircase, straining to hear something about what was going on, the only thought running through his mind was that Demelza come through this and that their child, whether girl or boy, be born healthy. Ross turned to go back into the parlor when he glanced at the clock. It had been hours since Dwight and Verity arrived and neither of them had reappeared to give him an update. He poured himself a brandy and was about to bound up the stairs to burst into the room himself when his cousin appeared at the door.

"Ross?" Verity stood there in an apron, seemingly smudged with blood, wiping her hands on a cloth. The sight frightened him even though he knew it was a normal effect of childbirth.

Ross was grateful that Verity was around for this event. After the wedding, it was clear that his cousin and best friend had formed an attachment which both Demelza and Ross were glad about. Verity had spent so much time worrying about Trenwith, Francis, and Agatha that she forgot to think about herself. As she and Dwight spent more time together, she was able to channel her natural instinct to care for others into a useful occupation. Slowly Verity learned how to tend to simple ailments and wounds. She assisted Dwight on calls where an extra pair of hands was needed especially during childbirth. With all the experience she was gathering, Verity was almost as skilled as Mrs. Zacky when it came to midwifery. Now as he looked at his cousin, he waited for her to speak. He couldn't tell if what she was going to say was good news or something else.

"Verify? What's going on? Is Demelza…." Ross started to say but couldn't continue. He was afraid of what the answer might be.

"Ross, everything is going fine. It shouldn't be long now. I just wanted to let you know that you should be meeting your child very soon," Verity said as she came towards him.

"Are you sure? She sounds like she is in so much pain," Ross said. His voice was cracking and his eyes welled with moisture.

"Ross," Verity said, putting a hand on his arm," that's normal. You should know that."

"How should I know that? I've never had a baby before," Ross yelled.

"Neither has Demelza," his cousin said.

Ross realized he was being overly protective even silly but after everything they'd gone through to get to this place, he didn't want to risk losing his wife.

"You're right, Verity. It's just that I…"

"Verity! Come back up here please!" Dwight called from upstairs. Giving her cousin a quick kiss on the cheek, she ran out of the room and up to Demelza.

Ross's eyes followed her as Prudie came out from the kitchen to see what the ruckus was about.

"Judas, 'as it happened?"

Ross looked at his servant and shook his head before going back to try and sit still in the parlor. He closed his eyes and laid his head back against the chair when suddenly he heard what he thought was a cry. Prudie heard it as well and looked up at the ceiling to where Demelza was. Opening his eyes he stood as he turned towards the door and saw Dwight fly down the stairs. Coming up to Ross, Dwight saw the concern on his friend's face as he put his hands on his shoulders and gave him the news.

"You have a daughter," Dwight said. Ross's eyes widened at the words. Did he just hear that he was a father?

"And Demelza?" he asked.

Dwight's face broke into a huge grin.

"She's fine. She came through it beautifully. Let Verity and I finish straightening everything up and then you can see them both," Dwight said as he went to return upstairs. He stopped and looking over his shoulder called to Ross.

"Congratulations, my friend." The emotion was clear in his voice. With a smile and a nod, he returned to his patient.

Ross dropped back down in the chair and let out the breath he'd been holding, rubbing his hands on his thighs as he waited to see Demelza.

Prudie appeared with a glass of brandy for him, and one for her.

"Congratulations, Master Ross," she said. Ross lifted his head to look at the woman and took the drink grateful for something to do. He was about to ask for another when Verity appeared, this time without the apron and looking more like his cousin than a nurse.

"Come on Ross. Wouldn't you like to meet your daughter? She and Demelza are waiting for you." She smiled broadly, tears shimmering in her eyes as she held out her hand to lead him upstairs.

As they walked up the steps, she squeezed his hand to reassure him.

"She's lovely Ross," Verity whispered.

"Is Demelza alright?" he asked.

"She's tired as is to be expected but other than that she came through it beautifully. You should be proud of her Ross. She's one of the strongest people I know," his cousin said.

Ross stood aside as Verity slowly opened the bedroom door and entered. He followed not knowing what he would encounter and so the sight before him took his breath away. There, seated in the middle of their bed was Demelza, her red hair framing her face, her skin looking more pale than usual as she held their child. She was grazing their daughter's cheek with her finger as the babe seemed to be trying to latch onto her mother's breast, clearly awake and looking to be fed. Verity looked up at her cousin and smiled as she saw the awe on his face. Giving him a nudge, she whispered to him.

"Go on Ross. Don't be shy," she said. He glanced at her as he took tentative steps towards the bed.

Verity moved to where Dwight was putting away his instruments and tugged on his arm that they should leave that and the family alone. Not understanding, she nodded towards where Demelza sat and raised an eyebrow to him. Finally getting her meaning, he guided Verity out, taking his bag with him. Stopping briefly at the door, both he and Verity gave one last look at Ross and Demelza, satisfied with their work and feeling joy.

Ross stood next to the bed, not quite believing that this was his life now. With a shaky hand, he reached down to touch the head of his newborn daughter. Demelza lifted her face to gaze at him, her eyes glistening and her face bright with a smile.

"Come sit down Ross. And meet Julia," she said softly.

He gingerly sat on the bed so as not to rattle his wife and daughter and bent to slip off his boots. Then he took his place next to Demelza, sliding his arm around her, drawing her into the crook of his body. Before anything else, he turned her head towards his and kissed her. It was soft and gentle and full of love.

"Thank you, my love," he said into her hair. "She's beautiful. Are you alright?" he asked, his eyes never leaving the face of Julia.

"There is no need for thanks my love. She's our creation, not mine alone. She's a part of you and me. Now it will be interesting to see what of each of us she has inherited," Demelza replied. She shifted her body a bit to get Julia into a more comfortable position to try and get her to nurse.

"Well, it seems she's already got your red hair, so that's a plus. But truly are you well?" There was a concern in his voice now and Demelza was touched by that.

"I'm as well as can be expected. Tired and sore but otherwise, I've never been better."

"Demelza, I have no words for you. Except that I never thought that I could feel anything like this," Ross said, his voice clearly filled with emotion as a tear slipped down his cheek.

Demelza moved her head to nuzzle him, while Julia vigorously suckled at her breast. The sound broke the reverent mood of the moment and both her parents had to let out a little laugh.

"Well, Ross I think I know what she got from you?" Demelza quipped.

Ross was embarrassed to think she would reference something that pertained to their intimate relationship and his wife saw that was exactly what he was thinking.

"My, my, I can see we are going to have to change your mind set for the next six weeks, my love. Otherwise, you will be in much discomfort," she continued. "I meant Julia seems to have a very healthy appetite."

Letting out a sigh of relief, Ross shook his head at Demelza and grinned.

"Sorry my love, it's just that all this is new to me. I see I have much to learn about tending babies."

"As do I. So we will learn together."

They continued to watch their daughter as she seemed to finally be sated and drift off to sleep, her lips releasing her mother as her head lolled to the side. Needing to adjust her night shift Demelza maneuvering the baby so she could hand her off to her father.

"Ross, can you take her a moment while I clean up a bit?" she asked, a blush coming to her cheeks.

Ross stared at his wife, a flash of fear crossing his face as his wife shifted her body to face him and pass Julia into his arms. Holding her as if she would break, Demelza turned her back to Ross, picked up a cloth that Verity left on the side table and briefly wiped her skin. Then pulling the shift back into place tied the ribbon and settled back against her husband who was now enraptured with the sight, feel and smell of his daughter.

"How did we make something so perfect?" he asked. His one arm cradled Julia while the other reached for her tiny hand. Instinctively the child opened her fist and grabbed Ross's finger making it known that she did not want to let go.

"She's made out of our love Ross. And while that is far from perfect, it's real. So I hope whatever Julia learns about life, she learns that reality is better than fantasy, even it makes things harder. If we didn't have to fight to get here, we wouldn't appreciate it so much, would we?"

Ross looked down at his wife and saw the wisdom of her words. For all her youth, she was wiser than her years and certainly more astute that he ever was.

"You're right Demelza. After all this, I will never take you or anything else for granted. I promise."

She looked at him skeptically because over the course of this first year of marriage Demelza had learned a lot about her husband. It's not that she didn't believe he had all good intentions but he was a man and as was their tendency when things got complacent and easy, they did seem to forget priorities. She had experienced it with Francis but hoped Ross had seen how that played out and learned from it. But for right now she was happy in his arms, with their daughter and ready to move forward in their new life.

The christening took place at the end of the summer. Demelza and Verity with the help of Prudie and Jud had decorated Nampara for the festivities. It was determined that Dwight and Verity should be the godparents as there were no people closer to Ross and Demelza than these two. They had decided that Julia's middle name be Grace, after Ross's mother which surprised Ross. He thought Demelza would want her mother's name but seeing as how it was the same as hers, she thought this a better choice. In the few months since her birth, Julia thrived. She was not fussy—definitely a Demelza trait—and was always wide-eyed and curious—like Ross. Her hair stayed the color of ginger and her eyes seemed to keep their blue tint. Not a day went by that Ross wasn't fascinated by his daughter. Every sound, look or movement captivated him. When she first smiled at him, he thought he had struck gold. He had never felt this kind of connection or love before. It was definitely an extension of his love for Demelza. It felt as if they were one continuous circuit, bound by love and blood, and if there was a break, it would affect not one but all of them.

After the church ceremony where Julia Grace Poldark became an official member of the Christian community, Ross, Demelza, Verity, Dwight and Aunt Agatha made their way back to Nampara. They arrived before the first guests arrived and Demelza was glad to see that Prudie had not been idle but had set up the parlor exactly as she had instructed. Both Ross and Demelza were pleasantly surprised by Prudie, and in a lesser way, Jud's change of heart where their marriage was concerned. It was never a secret that they disliked the first Mistress Poldark with her fudgy face and drop curls but they were not sure about Demelza as a replacement until they saw the change she brought to the house and the master. With the arrival of Julia, Prudie had turned into a mass of coos and gurgles where the newest Poldark was concerned. Ross was unaccustomed to such hardworking servants and was not quite sure how to deal with it. Demelza, however, thought that the change was a sign of the positive nature of their marriage and told Ross to just enjoy it. He was hesitant at first mostly where the care of Julia was concerned but with Jud and Prudie taking on more of the household and farm chores, Demelza was able to focus on their daughter.

Demelza handed the baby to Prudie while she took off her hat and coat so that she could finish preparing everything for their guests.

"Prudie can you please take Julia and get her changed and I'll be up to feed her presently," Demelza ordered as she rearranged some of the dishes on the table. Satisfied that there was nothing more to be done to make it any more enticing, Demelza walked around the parlor once and coming to stand by the spinet took a deep breath to relax. Ross entered with Aunt Agatha on his arm and settled her into a chair by the fire.

"Where's my port nephew?" she asked.

"I'll get it now Aunt," Ross said. He made his way to the large breakfront and poured his aunt a small glass of port as he watched his wife fiddle with the room again. Taking the elder Poldark her drink he worked his way back to his wife.

"My love, everything is perfect. Everyone coming today are friends, all wanting to celebrate the christening of our daughter. It's just a party," Ross said, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, placing small kisses on her neck.

The feel of his lips on her skin was not what Demelza needed right now as much as she wanted it. The time of her confinement was about to end and both she and Ross were ready for resume the intimate part of their marriage. The anticipation was more intense than the days before their wedding mainly because now that they'd had a taste of each other, it was a yearning that needed to be constantly fed. Demelza turned in his arms and tilting her head up to his, waited for Ross to kiss her properly. As his lips descended on hers, her hands grasped his arms, holding tight to steady herself. They continued with their oral exploration of each other when they heard a distant cry. Pulling apart, they smiled at the sound of their daughter demanding attention.

"It seems Miss Julia doesn't want to be ignored on her big day," Demelza said breathlessly. "I best go see to her before everyone arrives. I'll be back as soon as I can my love. Can you manage without me until then?"

Ross kissed her quickly on her lips and responded, "I can manage. You take care of Julia." He pushed her gently towards the door just as Verity and Dwight were coming in the hallway.

Demelza nodded briefly at her cousin and friend as she made her way up the stairs. The pair walked into the room to where Ross stood to pour a glass of rum.

"Well Ross," Dwight said, patting his friend on the back. "I've don't think I've ever seen you look in such high spirits."

Ross took a sip of his drink and handed one to Dwight who took a gulp while never taking his eyes off Verity. The other Poldark continued around the room making small adjustments as the first of the guests arrived. Ruth and John Treneglos, who happened to walk up the path with the Zacky Martins and the Daniels brothers. Ross was amused at the look on Ruth's face as she brushed shoulders with Ross's mining friends.

"Welcome," Ross said brightly. He escorted all into the parlor where Verity played hostess for the time being.

This was not lost on Ruth, who was one of Elizabeth's old friends and felt the need to say something.

"Where is your wife, Ross? Hiding? Has she not sufficiently recovered from the birth? We hardly saw either of you during the season," Ruth prattled on.

"We've not been in the mood to socialize. A life of peace and seclusion has suited us just fine," he said sarcastically.

That was lost on Ruth who chose to parade around the room with an air of superiority, gliding her finger along the furniture as if looking for dust or some flaw in Demelza's upkeep of Nampara. Ross stood back and let her go about while he eyed her over the rim of his glass. He was tempted to go get Demelza but knew that Julia was her first priority today and she would reappear when their daughter was settled. Besides, there was no need to subject her to this display of social manners if at all possible.

Verity came up beside Ross and saw where his eye was focused.

"To think she was ready to pursue you once she heard Elizabeth was out of the picture," Verity said.

Ross turned to look at her, his eyes widened in surprise.

"What?" he asked.

"Didn't you know? Elizabeth might have been her best friend but all is not fair in love and war. You're very lucky you dodged that bullet cousin," Verity teased as she sipped her port, her gaze going to Dwight who was deep in conversation with a few of the miners he tended.

Ross saw his cousin's interest in his friend and smiled.

"And you should heed your own advice cousin," Ross warned. "Or you might lose your heart when you least expect it."

Verity blushed at his words and replied, "Too late Ross. It's been lost and found." Smiling she made her way to Dwight and joined the group.

The crowd was lively as they enjoyed the food and drink that the Poldarks had provided not seeming to want to leave. Ross, Verity, and Dwight were sitting around telling Harris Pascoe of the latest idea.

"You mean that you're thinking of taking Trenwith and making it a medical facility? I've never heard of a more radical thought," Pascoe said.

"I know but Dwight-I mean, - and I feel that a proper treatment facility would be advantageous to not only the miners but to the rest of the county as well. At least for ailments that require larger and cleaner resources," Verity explained.

Ross was amused at the enthusiasm in his cousin's voice, glad to see her invested in something and someone that meant so much to her.

"I think that's marvelous," Ross said. "Trenwith has much potential and space to be put to good use. And I think Francis would appreciate that as well. For all his faults, he did recognize his responsibilities towards the miners and their families as well as his tenants. I think it's a proper legacy for him."

"I agree," a voice said from behind. Demelza had reappeared, her face bright. Ross noticed she changed her dress as well. She looked beautiful. Taking a seat next to Verity, Ross handed her a glass of port and moved to stand behind her, his hand on her shoulder.

Reaching up to touch him, she continued.

"Francis would approve," she said, "I'm sure of it. He would also approve of this." She nodded towards Verity and Dwight and gave her cousin a smile.

"Thank you, Demelza. I know I've said it before, but you are a remarkable woman. And both Poldarks were lucky you came into their lives." It was Dwight who spoke holding up his glass in a toast to her. Turning back to her guests Demelza asked Harris Pascoe where his friend and partner, Nat Pearce was.

"Mr. Pearce was detained in the office. Hopefully, he should be arriving soon," he said.

"I hope so. I can't forget the kindness the two of you showed me last year at this time. Ross and I wouldn't be here today if not for the both of you," Demelza said sincerely. She looked up at Ross who bent down and placed a soft kiss on her lips. They were still gazing at each other when they were joined by another guest.

"Well, well my boy, you seem to be doing quite well," Nat Pearce said.

His tone was boisterous and he was already in possession of a glass of rum. He patted Ross on the back and bowed towards Demelza, taking her hand to kiss. Now it was Demelza's turn to blush when behind her she heard a snort. She pivoted around to see Ruth looking down her nose at the assembled group, before sauntering out of the room to find her husband. Sharing a glance with Verity, Demelza could do nothing but let out a giggle.

"Good riddance," Verity said, not hiding her contempt.

"Verity!" Ross exclaimed in mock disgust. "I'm glad you said it and not I."

Prudie came around with a tray of fresh glasses when Pearce sat down and nodded to Pascoe. Ross caught the action and wondered what these two were conspiring about now.

"Is there something going on? Something I should know?" Ross said moving to sit next to Demelza.

The older men looked at each other before Pearce pulled out a sheet of paper and what looked like a newspaper of some sort.

"What's that?" Ross asked.

Pearce reached into his pocket and put on his spectacles so that he could read the print clearly.

"It's news from America," he said.

Ross and Demelza looked at each other and then shared their curiosity with Verity and Dwight.

"I've had a letter from a colleague who set up practice in New York when the war was over," Pearce started. "It seems our mutual friend George Warleggan has moved to open a bank on the island of Manhattan and has also gotten himself involved in politics. He met some young up and coming leader, Alexander Hamilton and a friend of his named Aaron Burr. This Hamilton fellow was an advisor to Washington and has some radical ideas about government and banking," he explained.

"Of course. That would attract George," Ross said as he sipped his rum. He looked at Demelza and smiled, taking her hand in his and lifted it up to his lips.

"Yes. It appears he was invited into the room where they made decisions happen and he was able to persuade this Burr person to let him join in. It also appears that he's found a new female companion," Pearce said.

This information was a surprise to the assembled group.

"What do you mean?" Verity asked. "I thought he and Elizabeth were to be married. Wasn't that the reason they left for America?"

"It seems not. From what I've been told, once George and Mrs. Poldark arrived in America they planned on being married but Elizabeth found someone else. She met someone named Griswold, who is a member of a prominent New York family involved in politics and industry. Apparently, his pedigree and standing were more appealing to her than George and she became attached to the Griswolds."

No one could say anything as the news was unexpected. Ross and Demelza thought that Pearce would be telling them that George and Elizabeth were married and living in the lap of luxury amongst New York's high society.

"I am surprised," Ross said. "I never thought George would give up so easily."

"Well," Pearce went on, "I did say George found someone else. This Hamilton fellow is related to another family of New York. Someone named Schuyler. He himself is married to one of the daughters and a younger sister, Peggy, I believe, caught the eye of Warleggan. Naturally, someone of higher standing than Elizabeth would be more appealing to George. The parting was mutual I've been told."

Ross stood and went to pour another glass of rum. The rest of the guests, mostly miners at this point had migrated outside along with Jud and Prudie to enjoy the rest of the day. Aunt Agatha had dozed off in her seat and seemed quite oblivious to the goings on around her.

"We should toast our old friends, don't you think?" Ross raised his glass and faced his friends. "To George and Elizabeth. May they find happiness with whomever they can." He smiled and took a sip, returning to his wife's side.

Pascoe and Pearce exchanged a look as the lawyer played ruffled the newspaper in his hand.

"Actually, Ross there is some other news. That's why I was sent the newspaper," the elder lawyer said.

Ross was confused at the cryptic sound of the man's voice but had a feeling that what he was about to say was not pleasant.

"Elizabeth," Demelza said softly. Something in her went on high alert as she felt the news was not going to be good.

Both men looked at the young woman and were surprised at her intuition.

"Something's happened, hasn't it?"she asked.

"Yes," Pearce answered.

Opening the paper the four friends sat waiting to hear what else the news from America brought.

"I'm sorry to say that she's died, Ross."

Both Verity and Demelza gasped, while Ross's eyes grew wide at the words and Dwight sat dumbfounded.

"How? What happened?" Ross asked. He took Demelza's hand needing to grasp on to something solid.

"She had an accident, my boy. Seems she fell during a social event and hit her head. From what I've been able to find out it was fairly quick. She didn't suffer," the lawyer said.

"When?" It was Demelza who spoke now.

Pascoe picked up the conversation.

"About a month or so ago I believe. The news was long in getting to me," he said.

He handed the paper to Ross who sat back with Demelza looking over his shoulder as he read Elizabeth's obituary out loud.

 _Elizabeth Poldark nee Poldark died on Saturday the 5_ _th_ _of July after a fall. The incident occurred at the home of Mrs. Poldark's intended, Robert Griswold during a garden party. Death was instantaneous. Mrs. Poldark had been a member of New York Society since her arrival on these shores in the spring of 1787. She was well acquainted with Mr. George Warleggan, owner of the newly opened Warleggan Bank located on Wall Street. Mrs. Poldark leaves no family here in America. Burial took place at Trinity Church in lower Manhattan._

Nothing was said when he finished reading. Demelza took the paper from him and refolded it, handing it back to Nat Pearce. She glanced at Verity and Dwight who both gave her a sympathetic look. Demelza turned back to look at Ross who had gotten very quiet. His head was bowed, his hands clasped together. Demelza reached around and massaged the area between his neck and shoulder in comfort. Ross seemed not to notice as he silently rose and went left the room. Verity was going to follow but Demelza stopped him.

"Leave him be. He needs to work out his feelings about this news himself. Elizabeth was a major part of his life and now she was gone. We all know they didn't part in the best way, but there had to still be emotional ties there," Demelza rationalized.

Verity looked up at her cousin and realized she was right.

"You amaze me Demelza. Most women, like Ruth, would be making some kind of comment about their husband's ex-attachment. Yet you are showing sympathy not just for Ross but for Elizabeth as well."

"Verity, what good would it do anyone to revel in the loss of a life? We've both gone through the same thing recently so we should have some understanding of the situation. I'll admit I have no love for Elizabeth or George but this is not something I would wish on anyone. If anything I hope that she was happy and found what she wanted before she passed. It's all any of us can hope for. Life is too short and too precious to take it for granted or waste a moment of it. We must take hold of what we can and cherish it; keep it close to and never let go. For fate will take it away when it chooses."

The people around her sat quietly as she spoke, each one taking away from it something different but it was clear that Dwight heard every word and took it to heart. He rose from where he sat on the settle and walked to Verity who had tears in her eyes. Without saying anything, he turned around the petite Poldark cousin and kissed her. Demelza couldn't help by a smile, tears now rolling down her face. The older men watched the scene between the young lovers and raised their glasses in approval.

Demelza looked out of the window to see that most of the crowd has dissipated leaving just their servants and the Martins in attendance. There was no sign of Ross. She needed to find him to make sure he was alright.

"Verity, can you manage here for a few minutes? I want to find Ross," she said.

"Of course my dear. And thank you, Demelza."

"I've done nothing Verity."

"You have. More than you know. You've brought this family together in a way I don't think you ever imagined. Both my brother and cousin were smart in falling in love with you," Verity said before reaching up to kiss her cheek.

"Thank you for giving me a family in the first place," Demelza answered.

She quickly made her exit, walking through the rooms on the first floor in search of her husband but he was nowhere to be found. She stepped out into the fading daylight to where Jud, Prudie and the others were gathered and saw he wasn't there as well.

"Have you seen Master Ross?" she asked them.

"No Mistress," Prudie said, clearly besotted with the rum Ross let them share in.

Demelza wasn't going to scold them but didn't want to find them in a drunken heap on the ground when there was still work to do.

"Prudie, please help Miss Verity start clearing away the food. I'm just going to check on Julia."

"Yes ma'am," the servant answered.

Demelza reentered the house and walked upstairs thinking that Ross might have gone into their room to be alone. Opening the door slowly in case he had dozed off, she peered in but saw nothing. There was only one other place he could be. Not bothering to close the door, she walked down the hall to Julia's room. The door was ajar and when she looked in she saw her husband, standing by the cradle, gazing down at their daughter.

After reading the news about Elizabeth walking out of the parlor, Ross made his way upstairs to check on Julia because he missed her. He also needed to see the tangible evidence of life. The thought that someone as young and full of fire as Elizabeth could have that flame snuffed out so suddenly reminded him of how tenuous life truly was. From what he'd seen in the war to Francis's untimely death to this, Ross wondered how and why he was spared. And then he saw his daughter and came to see that this is why he was spared. It was to be with Demelza and bring Julia into the world. No matter what tomorrow brought, today he had this. Gazing down at her sleeping face, Ross realized he was not only content but happy. Truly happy with what he had and what he hoped to have in the future. And while the road to here wasn't paved with gold or even copper, it was worth the trip.

He stood musing on what he had when he felt a hand slip into his and squeeze ever so lightly.

"What are you thinking about Ross?" Demelza voice quietly whispered in his ear.

"You, my love. Forever you."


End file.
